Uncertain of my options

[hurtabandoned]

I've been with my husband for 7 years, married six. We've been through alot during that time.

 

He has some emotional/mental problems that I just can't handle anymore.

Most of the time he is okay, but sometimes he gets into these moods and flys off into rages where he calls names and threatens me. He also does things on a whim that he regrets later. (Too many of these to list) He is holding my daughter over my head.

 

Today he slapped me hard enough to bend my glasses. As I picked up my daughter to leave he said if I left he would have me arrested for kidnapping because I was going out the door with my daughter. (He has had me falsely arrested before.) I can't leave her there with him being so unstable.

 

I have a question, I have some of his threats caught on audio tape. How useful is that to me in proving that I'm not the one with the problem. Would this be admissible in court.

[avman]

Your best bet is to talk to a lawyer. Different locations have different rules of evidence. Though if he hits you, you need to call the police. Thats the most effective form of evidence - a police report.

 

Do not worry about the kidnapping threat. Its completely groundless. You are removing your daughter from a violent situation and currently you have just as much right to her as he does. Ok?

 

Get out of there. Now.

[YrsOfHurt]

You can leave if you have proof of fear of abuse. You can leave with her also. I am in IL, and talked to a lawyer recently. When he hits you, call the police, get the report filed and throw him in jail! You do not have to be hit. Once a police report and charges have been pressed against him, he can not really hold it over your head about you leaving with your daughter. Believe me, I have been there. PM me if you need more help in how to deal with this. You can also contact your local abuse shelters and they can advise you further on laws in your state. Good luck and stay safe.

[Scout]

Definitely contact an abuse shelter RIGHT AWAY. Very likely, they have all the resources you need to get out of this painful situation - legal help, and a safe place to stay, if needed. You are doing the right thing by realizing this is an unacceptable life for your daughter - and yourself. Stay strong and GET OUT.

[Sola]

Get out now. Don't be afraid, feel empowered that you are taking the first step to leaving a very bad situation.

Go to the police and start a record asap, record the abuse and establish some documentation of it, this way if down the road you need to obtain full custody of your daughter, you already have an established record of abuse and how your husband would pose an unsafe environment for her.

Also, there are many legal services that can assist you for free, most shelters or centers fighting domestic violence can help you contact hthem-- ask about how to obtain a restraining order. Usually you can quickly obtain a temporary restraining order (TRO), and a sheriff would accompany you to your home so you cna get your things. Then, you would go before a judge at a small informal trial, your husband would be there as well, to obtain a permanent retstraining order against him.

In addition to the legal aspects, there are many social services that can help you and your daughter can on your own two feet and obtain counseling.

GET OUT NOW, be strong.