facebook delete

[chados]

i really want to delete her from facebook, even though i can just block all of her updates. but i still dont want to show her that its hurting me. ive told her that im moving on. i want to leave on a good note. is it better to write a message and then delete? what would be the best chance for reconciliation?

 

i will date other people, this is just a way to leave in the best possible way. cause who knows? years from now when we got enough distance there might be a chance

 

im not expecting to talk with her until im over her or she's telling me that she wants to try again.

[summerof85]

Do you want to try again with her? why don't you remain friends for a while then see where that takes you?

[dbfc]

if you send her a message on facebook then deactivate your account she will not get that message. My ex blocked me on facebook and it was for the best really as i cant see waht shes upto anymore.

[chados]

yeah i would, but she doesnt. not right now, i do believe theres a chance that she will realize that she made a mistake. but not at this point.

 

its hurting me to much, i told her that we shouldnt talk right now, still she confronted me on a christmasparty, talked about the relationship. ive been working so hard to get through this. and everytime she starts talking to me its just hurting me more

[chados]

if you send her a message on facebook then deactivate your account she will not get that message. My ex blocked me on facebook and it was for the best really as i cant see waht shes upto anymore.

 

okey, well maybe i could send her a text. after ive removed her. i dont wanna block her, just remove her

[summerof85]

I deleted my ex from facebook after he got dumped me to give his ex from 25 years ago another chance he blocked me! So she might do the same to you?

[Flyingpiglet]

Don't just delete her... Block her so even if there are any parts of her profile that are public you won't be able to just type in her name and see it. Likewise, she won't be able to see you.

Don't bother with sending a meesage first, If she knows you are hurting right now then there is no more explatation needed. By sending a message you may well subconciously be looking for her to ask you not to cut her out.

 

Or just deactivate facebook completely!

[LoveBug2012]

Deleting her from Facebook is not going to help you move on. You need to make that decision in your head. Unsubscribe from her updates so you dont read it or just delete her and send her a sms and tell her why u doing it.

[LoveBug2012]

yeah i would, but she doesnt. not right now, i do believe theres a chance that she will realize that she made a mistake. but not at this point.

 

its hurting me to much, i told her that we shouldnt talk right now, still she confronted me on a christmasparty, talked about the relationship. ive been working so hard to get through this. and everytime she starts talking to me its just hurting me more

 

If you told her that you two shouldn't talk right now and she confronted you she didn't respect your wishes?

[chados]

If you told her that you two shouldn't talk right now and she confronted you she didn't respect your wishes?

 

 

no she did not.. well i could see why she starts talking with me if she can see me walking right behind her. but why bring up the relationship?

[quantumst8]

Delete her and move on. If you keep hanging by a thread, you'll just be miserable.

[lemonhaze]

Blocking my ex on Facebook has been one of the best choices I made for my healing process.

[Tanzi]

i will date other people, this is just a way to leave in the best possible way. cause who knows? years from now when we got enough distance there might be a chance

 

im not expecting to talk with her until im over her or she's telling me that she wants to try again.

 

So you plan on dating other people even though your ex is sill your main focus for the future? Surely it would be best to focus on letting go properly, then start dating other people, thus leaving your future open to many possibilities. Why make your ex your only focus? The point of getting over someone is getting yourself to the stage where you are totally indifferent as to whether you have contact with them or not. If you still want or need to have contact with an ex then you aren't over them... and when you do finally get over her then you won't have any expectations as regarding talking to her now or in the future.

Getting over her should be your main focus at the moment. All in all it is hard to make a logical decision when you are still hanging onto the hope for reconcilliation. I don't know the background of your breakup but I think you should just delete without saying anything. Disappear quietly without making a dramatic exit as that could be misinterpreted as a lame attempt at getting her back which won't do you any favours.

[chados]

its not the point. im just saying that i want to make her realize that im not there anymore, but i dont want her to feel that i hate her. i didnt want to delete her from facebook, it wasnt a big problem, but now it is... because of thousands of mixed signals, and her not leaving me alone.

 

if theres a chance in the future. then ill take it from there. im not going to wait for her. i believe the best way to leave someone if the relationship was generally a good one, is to leave in a good way, because one day both of you might regret it.

[Tanzi]

its not the point. im just saying that i want to make her realize that im not there anymore, but i dont want her to feel that i hate her. i didnt want to delete her from facebook, it wasnt a big problem, but now it is... because of thousands of mixed signals, and her not leaving me alone.

 

if theres a chance in the future. then ill take it from there. im not going to wait for her. i believe the best way to leave someone if the relationship was generally a good one, is to leave in a good way, because one day both of you might regret it.

 

I know its not the point that is why I suggested leaving quietly without saying anything. Saying something could turn it into an issue and if there is already mixed signals being sent and received then why string things out with more contact. Is it really going to make a difference in the long run? Is it really going to stop her reaching out to you if she suddenly realises she made a mistake? Just because you decide to move on quietly doesn't mean you're ending things in a bad way, it just means you aren't making a fuss. Still, if deleting her without saying anything is going to play on your mind then you are perfectly entitled to send her a message. You could keep it simple by saying there's no hard feelings or anything but you need to do what you feel is best for you right now.

 

I'm just cautious of people's intententions when they talk of getting over someone and reconcilliation in the future in the same sentence as one focus contradicts the other. That said, in the early stages of BU, I think it is a perfectly normal to have conflicting views. It's the heart v the head.

[chados]

yes youre probably right.. i know what youre saying when you mention moving on and and reconciliation. but i really try to move on. its just that we had a long distance relationship and she's studying right now. so who knows when she quits school? i just want to live on a good note.. nothing else

[Tanzi]

Well that's fine. At the end of the day we have to chose what we think is best for us and if leaving without saying anything is going to plague you with "what if" and "if onlys" then that won't help you. If you feel it will help you in making the decision to delete her by sending a message first then I think you should. You have to be content with the action you have taken otherwise it will he hard to follow it through .... just give it some thought first.

[chados]

Well that's fine. At the end of the day we have to chose what we think is best for us and if leaving without saying anything is going to plague you with "what if" and "if onlys" then that won't help you. If you feel it will help you in making the decision to delete her by sending a message first then I think you should. You have to be content with the action you have taken otherwise it will he hard to follow it through .... just give it some thought first.

 

 

yes, thanks for some great advice. i believe that even if your moving on, if you still miss her theres no reason to leave in a bad way. no one can predict the future.

[Tanzi]

yes, thanks for some great advice. i believe that even if your moving on, if you still miss her theres no reason to leave in a bad way. no one can predict the future.

 

No, I don't think things should ever be left in a bad way (not always possible, I know) I just don't think NOT saying anything is necessarily leaving it in a bad way. However there's no point in you having any regrets over something you feel you should have or could have said.

 

Also, someone once said to me that there is no reason why we can't move on while still holding onto hope ... as long as we are making a concerted attempt at moving on.

[Puo]

Also, someone once said to me that there is no reason why we can't move on while still holding onto hope ... as long as we are making a concerted attempt at moving on.

 

Yes, this is probably the best statement anyone could ever read on any dating/relationship forum. Making sure you have healed yourself is the number one priority for anyone who is getting out of a relationship. You can always have hope for the future, just as long as it isn't holding you back from moving on. That's what NC does - it helps you heal.

[Live-N-Learn]

She made a choice to breakup with you and now you are concerned about her feelings. I understand this because the true motive behind deleting her or not is if you will blow your chances of her coming back at some point becasue she may think you are mad at her. Honestly, most dumpers expect you to delete them after they breakup with you. In some ways I think it shows a sign of weakness that you have not deleted her. It may show her you are still hanging on and they will take advantage. You did mention she was sending you mixed signals so this may be the case with her.

 

It is pure hell to keep your ex on fb. The easiest way it to just deactivate your account. If she asks you can tell her you decided to take a break from fb. This way it is not a personal as just deleting and blocking her. If you want to stay on fb, I suggest you block her without saying anything. She knows why. It will not be the deciding factor.

[Scuza]

Just delete and block her. Once the temptation of checking her profile is gone, things become a lot easier. I can vouch for that on personal experience.

You don't even have to tell her you're deleting her, you don't owe her anything. I just deleted my ex, no word of warning or anything.

Always remember, YOU come first. You're your own #1. Don't worry about her feelings, worry about yours. If this will help you heal, then by all means, delete her.

And don't worry about it conflicting with her contacting you. Exes can always find a way of getting in touch with you if they really want to.

[chados]

i have deleted her around 1h ago. it feels better..i believe that the best way of getting back is to go on dates and move on. not saying i would consider it just to make her jealous. but maybe 1-2 years from now if were both single and she have seen that ive moved on. i think a chance of reconciliation is much bigger.

im only talking about lifeexperience now, and when were on a phase in life where both have jobs instead of her still studying and when she lives 2 hours away. and no im not going to wait for her

[VortexEffect]

Don't just delete her... Block her so even if there are any parts of her profile that are public you won't be able to just type in her name and see it. Likewise, she won't be able to see you.

Don't bother with sending a meesage first, If she knows you are hurting right now then there is no more explatation needed. By sending a message you may well subconciously be looking for her to ask you not to cut her out. !

 

I don't want to hijack this post but I just wanted to thank you Flyingpiglet for this recommendation. Although I had unfriended my ex early on in my breakup, I still had access to her public page which still listed which friends she added and allowed me to see old photos. I found myself looking at these pictures Id seen ages before and even pouring over her friends list trying to find out if any of them were new loves that had their relationship posted on their pages. I can't do this to myself anymore and I need to move on and your suggestion pushed me to block her. Thank you.

[Flyingpiglet]

Good for you Vortex.... It takes a lot of self restraint to not check the page of the ex, even though to do so is indeed self torture. IMO, blocking them or deactivating facebook altogether shows good amout of personal strength and certainly made me feel like I had taken a proactive step in healing. It will do you good. Well done!