Did he lose interest?

[ChaosTheory]

Hi all, I could use an opinion on this situation:

 

I met a guy at a bar a few weeks ago and he asked me for my number. Despite not having talked to him for very long I gave him my number and a few days later got a call from him asking me out on a date. We went out and things seemed to go well, we talked about interests, hobbies, family, books, etc. Later on in the week I had a night free while most of my friends were out of town, and knowing that he was around, I bravely decided to abandon gender roles and called him up to see if he wanted to get a drink that night. He said he wasn't feeling too well and would call me later in the week to set up another time to hang out (just an excuse? Who knows)

 

He did eventually call and we set up a time to meet and went on a second date. Things went well again, we talked more, got to know each other better, everything felt very comfortable and casual. During the date he alluded to a "next time we should..." etc. Towards the end of the date I ended up inviting him to attend an event with me that I needed a date to (one that would involve driving out of state and being around some of my family)- I acknowledged that maybe it was too soon and a bit weird for me to be asking him but what the hell, he seemed like the type of guy that would enjoy it so why not? He responded well and wasn't at all weirded out, and after making sure he had a place to stay after the event (one of his friend's apts.) he agreed.

 

We went that weekend and had a great time. He didn't seem nervous or uncomfortable about anything and the conversation lasted the entire evening. He even met some of my family friends etc. But may I mention at this point, that after three "dates" there was still no kiss? And after this event he has yet to call or text me, and it has been almost a full week now? He has given me no signs that he isn't interested- why agree to go all the way to another state with me if there wasn't anything there at all? He could have easily said no, and I would have been fine with it. So what is going on here?

[LaKings55]

He could be lacking in confidence, or he could just not be that interested. I have to say, I completely admire you for taking some initiative here. As a guy who battles shyness, with pretty good success (ie, taking the initiative with confidence) I think it's great for women to ask guys out on dates, I see no reason why it has to be weird in today's society. So, congratulations for that. It's so hard to read other people's minds, and their behavior often doesn't match up with our expectations. Strange about the whole no kiss thing, but again that's what we expect, not what we actually get. Is there anything odd in his body language? Does he do a lot of self touching? Does he generally angle his body towards you or away? Body language is a great indicator of intention and thoughts.

[ChaosTheory]

My immediate response would be that no, he doesn't lack in confidence. It really doesn't seem that way at all- he had the courage to ask for my number without establishing much of a connection at the bar (it was too loud in there to really talk anyway: that was his logic and I agreed), he didn't seem nervous on any of our dates, was a really great conversationalist, and at the event got along great with everyone that I knew (MY family friends)- he struck up conversations with people and was very personable and friendly, etc. He is still human, so I can't say for sure that he is 100% confident, maybe he just knows how to APPEAR confident (which, if that is the case, he does very well). But either way I doubt it would keep him from initiating.

 

As far as body language, I've noticed some unnecessary touching/contact with me here and there, but not an overwhelming amount. I guess my gut is telling me that he isn't as into me as I am into him. Maybe he is just looking to keep things simple and isn't looking for a relationship (but then why ask out girls in the first place?). And, I keep coming back to this, why agree to come to this event with me that was (1) out of state, (2) involved meeting family/friends, and (3) was more on the formal side. Now don't get me wrong, my intention wasn't to come as a couple or whatever, I just saw it as an opportunity to do something fun and out of the ordinary. I don't in any way view his accepting my invitation as any sort of commitment to date me, but come on a text or call would have been nice, no? He texted me that night after we parted ways (no kiss, maybe because it was around my family? too weird?) and said that is was a great night. But not really anything since then.

 

Sorry for all the rambling. I'm not above calling him, but I really don't want to look desperate. My thought has always been, that if a guy wanted to call, he would. If he wanted to see me, he would. But he hasn't. So is there even a point?

[LaKings55]

It's ironic, because I know a lot of guys who say the same about girls. "If she wanted to call, she would..." Flawed logic, I know. All signs seem ok at this point, I guess give it some more time, feel it out, and play it by ear. What I meant by self-touching was does he cross his arms? Does he touch his face a lot? Does he put his hands in his pockets? Without having a baseline for his normal behavior, it'd be hard to deduce the meanings, but any major and quick deviance from his normal body language would lead me to be suspicious. Maybe he's trying to avoid going too fast too quick.

[ChaosTheory]

I don't think his body language includes any self-touching, crossing arms, etc. Like I said he was pretty confident from the get go, and had a very open stance, faced me, etc...very much the opposite of crossing arms or touching his face. Also, I don't think I gave him any reason to think I'm not into him (although who knows), after all I have called him to initiate dates, and invited him to this event. Should I bite the bullet and contact him; what do I say? Should I casually invite him somewhere, or just stand my ground and wait for him to contact me? (Kind of hate the idea of sitting around waiting for some dude to call, but wouldn't want to scare him off.)

[alwaysmoving]

You've asked him to hang out twice now, so why not just do it again? He might just assume that you always do the asking and since you aren't this time, you lost interest in him. I would probably just call to talk and see how he reacts.

[Rose30]

You've already asked him out bunch of times, if i were you i would wait a bit and see if he initiates contact. Do you really want to be the one always calling and asking him out? From my experience if a guy wants to be with you he will call and ask you out, and if he is really interested he won't go a week without any contact unless there is some kind of emergency.

If you call him he might say yes, but then after the date you'll probably end up where you are now, better to find out now if he is interested or not by letting him make some effort.

 

The no kissing thing i wouldn't worry about, my bf and I didn't kiss for the past 3 months or so of dating, but after that fire works all the way good luck and keep us posted.

[LaKings55]

In my experience, I prefer inviting someone along to go do something, kind of like you did for that event. Invite him on a hike or to go catch a movie.

[ChaosTheory]

So a little update: I ended up calling last night because a few of my friends and I were going to go to quizzo at a local bar and I figured I could casually ask if he wanted to come along. He didn't pick up. OK

The next day he texted me and said something along the lines of, Hey how have you been, sorry I've been awol this week, how was your week? I responded, and asked how he was...and he said he has been feeling under the weather and must have bad genes. And asked me when my finals were starting. To which I responded with no follow up question or anything. (But I did ask if he was feeling better...still no response, it takes him a few hours to respond so this is like pulling teeth)

 

Something I have noticed is this guy doesn't really text all that much; he has an old phone that is falling apart. So I am not sure what to even expect when it comes to texting. But was this a pity text? Or is he just being a dude getting caught up in work (he works full time) and being sick, and is just not rushing into anything being really casual? Where to proceed from here?

 

I guess at this point I am really trying to just put him out of my mind. Is there any hope left at all, or does this one just go into the "went on a few dates and nothing more" pile?

[Ms Darcy]

I would move on. I'm not impressed with guys who text either. He should have called you at some point.

[OrangeMoon]

Its tough letting go of the ones you want. But they have to want you too you know..

 

You just know when there is balance..or when the energy is flowing right even when there is not much in between contact. But this one..I say..let him go until he figures out he actually wants you. Man and woman aren't so different at all when it comes to that energy of showing you are into someone.

 

I wouldnt initiate anything anymore. let him do the work for now if he feels like it. But my guess is this one will disappear in the wind..

[ChaosTheory]

Thanks for all the advice guys; it really is truly appreciated!

 

Dating can be fun but is so difficult at times, and it can be so easy to get caught up. It's great to have a place to get unbiased, honest opinions and suggestions!

 

I'm backing off and focusing on other things (as difficult as it may be!) and hopefully someone else, much better will come along!

[Batya33]

I'd leave the ball in his court - very often people change their minds after 3 or 4 dates and it's nothing personal. I've had the "no kiss" experience too. In most cases it was a bad sign or a sign that they might have been dating someone else. In one case, though, we ended up getting married (I think the kiss came on date four or five -even my mother was telling me she was getting concerned -he was just really shy back then!).