Me Ex Won't Stop Contacting Me - Fed Up!

[Lithp]

I started a thread a few weeks ago basically stating that I had ended my 2 year relationship with my boyfriend and why. Long story short, I was sick of him being dishonest, inconsiderate, disrespectful, all while trying to support him through his depression, which he was using drugs and alcohol to cope with. All around just a terrible situation - of course there were good times, but they were short lived and didn't make up for how emotionally and mentally draining every other day was with him. I finally got fed up and am now at the point where all the love and good feelings I had towards him have vanished - I am no longer upset or confused, I'm no longer hurt or angry, frustrated, nothing - I very literally think of him and feel nothing, which speaks volumes to me about the impact that he actually ended up having on my life.

 

So that brings me to my reason for starting this thread. Mostly I am just looking for a little bit of support. Given the way I have been feeling, I think I've been handling the break up very well. The day after I ended things with him started the texting marathon that would be the next few weeks - I woke up to three missed calls from him and about a dozen texts. They just kept coming in and coming in and I eventually, against my better judgement but whatever, I texted him to remind him that I had asked him not to contact me. Just a polite reminder as he was starting to drive me insane and having just broken up with him, it was really hard to know he was asking to see me and begging for me back already. After sending that text, he proceeded to send at LEAST 30 more through till the end of the night, which I ignored. This went on for a couple weeks until earlier this week I had to ask him again to stop contacting me. Other than the two messages I have sent I have been ignoring everything else.

 

I know that I shouldn't be texting him at all, and that you will all advise I just ignore them - I have been, but it gets to the point where I can't take it. I just keep hoping that if I ignore him he will go away, but it's been three weeks now and he is showing no signs of slowing or stopping. I have considered blocking his number but I know I have to pay a monthly fee for that and I really don't see the point. Most days I am ok but it kind of builds up to the point where I feel like I am going to start ripping my hair out and screaming... I just want to move on, and I have been, but it is hard when he won't leave me be.

 

Should I go talk to him one last time so maybe he will get the hint? Maybe he just needs to have his say because he didn't really get one or react when I broke up with him - he was more concerned with going out to party with the guys that night. It is also making me a little bitter, almost like, why are you trying so hard to get my attention now when you treated me like crap when we were together?

 

Blech.

[metrogirl]

How about just changing your number so he can't contact you anymore?

[Di84]

Just keep ignoring. He will eventually get tired of you. Whatever you do, don't reply.

[Lithp]

How about just changing your number so he can't contact you anymore?

 

 

 

Thank you, and my mother actually suggested that. I suppose I would take it as a last resort, but mostly I just feel like doing something along those lines is giving him power over me. I just feel it would be a minor inconvenience, but an inconvenience nonetheless. I do computer repairs as a side job and people contact me through this number.

[Lithp]

Just keep ignoring. He will eventually get tired of you. Whatever you do, don't reply.

 

This is the route I have been taking in hopes that he will get just as fed up as I am. It's been going ok but, like I said, there are days [like today] where I feel like marching over to his house and giving him a piece of my mind. I would never actually do this but I get to a breaking point where I feel like I want to. I feel like it's really inconsiderate of him to have treated me the way he did through the relationship, and then bombard me like this when I finally stand up for myself and walk away.

[Liraele]

You can probably BLOCK his number, rather than just changing it. Then if you ever want to unblock it or open the lines of communication again you can... without having to reach out and give him a new number.

 

Hang in there!

[metrogirl]

He's probably hoping that if he bugs you enough, you will crack and contact him. He probably doesn't even care if you were to tell him to stop contacting, he's probably hoping to get any kind of reaction from you as he can. So if you don't want to change your number, then you should just do your darned best to ignore him and not give into to temptation to give him a piece of your mind.

[Lithp]

Thanks for the responses everyone! I am doing my best to ignore it, I guess I just needed to vent. I know I shouldn't contact him or agree to go see him so we can talk [which is the content of the majority of his texts] but sometimes I think it's the only thing that will shut him up.

[metrogirl]

Thanks for the responses everyone! I am doing my best to ignore it, I guess I just needed to vent. I know I shouldn't contact him or agree to go see him so we can talk [which is the content of the majority of his texts] but sometimes I think it's the only thing that will shut him up.

 

No it won't shut him up. He will continue to bombard you with requests to talk.

[niceguy1]

You can ignore him, he might give up. You can ask your friend or a parent to talk to him to tell him to stop. If it continues warn him your going to call the cops because he's harassing you. Then if he still continues call the police, file a complaint that he keeps on harassing you with text messages and calls. The police will tell him to stop contacting you and if he doesn't there might be legal consequences.

[Lithp]

You can ignore him, he might give up. You can ask your friend or a parent to talk to him to tell him to stop. If it continues warn him your going to call the cops because he's harassing you. Then if he still continues call the police, file a complaint that he keeps on harassing you with text messages and calls. The police will tell him to stop contacting you and if he doesn't there might be legal consequences.

 

 

I had considered this as well, only because I have been stalked by an ex in the past - I really know how to pick them, eh? - but even throughout that situation I hadn't gone to the police, I was more the 'suffer in silence' type until he eventually found someone else and knocked her up, leaving me in peace. I think I second guess myself, or I'm not confident enough to do that, because in my mind I would be 'that girl' who can't handle herself and has to run to the cops because someone's bothering her.

[musicman777]

Wow that's ridiculous. You know even though I liked my last woman very much when she cut it off with me I let her go. It wasn't something I did but something on her fault that I could never be with her because of what she really was... there were days when I wish I could go to her house and beg her to come back but that won't do a damn thing. Anyway this guy needs to wake up and smell the coffee. Ignore him. Don't talk to him, don't text, don't call, block him on Facebook. He will eventually get the hint.

 

Two years is a lonnng time. If I were in a situation like that I would be devasted. Even though he sounded like a jerk guys are more sensitive than you think. Give it some time he will quit bothering you. If he starts making physical contact at all get a restraining order, seriously. It sounds like he's very obsessive. 30 text messages in one night? Trust me, you never know people even if you date them a long time, my last one was a lesbian. He could be a pshycopath.

[Lithp]

Thanks for the advice - I think for sure if he were to start anything physical, at that point I would have no problems getting the police involved. I just genuinely don't know where any of this is coming from. He always said that he wanted me in his life forever and that losing me would do him in - but he sure did his part in pushing me away. I don't know if it's sinking in now that he's lost the one person that actually supported him, or if he's just looking for more attention, or what. It's weird too, because he will text me incessantly as if I were actually answering him - for example:

 

"Hey"

"Hey can I see you?"

"I would like to talk to you please I am not doing so well"

"I am at my Uncle's for the night I will be back tomorrow"

"So I'll text you when I'm back and we can talk then"

"Or we can talk now, I'll call you"

"You are going to talk to me right? lol"

"[my name] can you just answer me please I need to talk"

 

and different variations of that, are an almost daily thing. Sometimes he'll go for a couple days without texting, and I think he's finally given up, but then he comes back full force. Some days he's telling me how much he's changed, how much I deserve better but he's willing to be better, begging for me to come see him... Sometimes I think I feel bad but then I remember that I've heard all of these things from him so many times I've lost count, and I go back to feeling nothing.

[WockaWocka]

Sometimes the stupid fees for things are totally worth it. If his texts are driving you nuts I'd wager it's worth a few dollars a month to not be bothered by them. At least at the beginning, hopefully in a few months he'd stop anyway and you wouldn't be out the money.

 

If you have a smart phone you can pay a one-time fee to download an app to block numbers. This may have the advantage of not informing him that the # is blocked (if he knows it is blocked he may just start using a different number or an online text service.)

 

Finally. if his behavior escalates, then don't worry what the police think. You help pay their salary through your hard-earned tax dollars and they should be able to help you when you feel like your safety and peace of mind are at risk.

[winniethepooh]

I have considered blocking his number but I know I have to pay a monthly fee for that and I really don't see the point.

I do. This is the point ...

 

Most days I am ok but it kind of builds up to the point where I feel like I am going to start ripping my hair out and screaming... I just want to move on, and I have been, but it is hard when he won't leave me be.

Either you want him to keep contacting you or you don't. If you don't, do whatever it takes so you don't have to deal with it. Whether that's ignoring him, blocking his number, getting a restraining order, moving house, changing phones, whatever you can think of. Obviously telling him to stop is not working, and by responding you are only encouraging him, no matter what you say.

 

Should I go talk to him one last time so maybe he will get the hint?

What would you different to what you've done so far? Doing the same thing usually gets the same results. He's not looking at things the same way as you. If you go to see him, he is likely to see that as encouraging, no matter what you say - read posts on here from "dumpees" who see any contact from an ex as meaning they want to get back together (IceFireSoul is a good example - maybe he's your ex).

 

Blech.

Yes, quite.

[The Man Who]

I'd either change your number or take it to the police in all honesty. Is there a way that you can speak to your mobile phone(cell phone) company and get them to block his number at their end for you? Might be easier than changing numbers but if it's saving your sanity then it'll be worth it.

[ryan2600]

If you have an iphone or Android phone there are plenty of free apps to filter out text messages from people. Some will even store them in a area if you want to read them later.

[Lithp]

What would you different to what you've done so far? Doing the same thing usually gets the same results. He's not looking at things the same way as you. If you go to see him, he is likely to see that as encouraging, no matter what you say - read posts on here from "dumpees" who see any contact from an ex as meaning they want to get back together (IceFireSoul is a good example - maybe he's your ex).

 

I think the way I was seeing it was that maybe he needs to have his say. The last thing I want to do is talk to him - I know what he is going to tell me if I do, I have heard it all so many times from him I've lost count and can pretty much follow along word for word with him while he speaks. My 'logic' behind it I guess what that the break up was abrupt. I gave him a choice, he chose, and then I ended things. He immediately went into a sort of panic mode, which I thought would only last a few days at most, but it has lasted nearly three weeks now. The odd times I have considered going to talk to him is because I feel that maybe if I let him vent, then stick to my decision face to face, it may make it more real for him.

 

I honestly don't know why I am still letting him make me feel guilty. It makes me feel horrible that I am letting him continue like this, and then I feel angry that I feel that way and then I just let that pass too. I would like for him to be able to have peace in all this, for his own sake and also so that he will leave me alone.

 

I guess it's also partly my fault because I stuck by him through everything and let him treat me like crap, and now that I am standing up for myself he probably doesn't know what to do with it, and I certainly doubt he was expecting me to break the pattern like that.

[Dezireey]

Classic pattern here. He is going crazy for you because he can't have you now. He sounds like a real control freak, he neglects you and treats you like crap and runs the relationship on his terms only and then when you have finally had enough, he needs to control you again and bring you back in to his world. I would highly recommend not seeing him or talking to him as that would be a success in his eyes and he would feel in control of you again.

 

I think you know that he won't change and you have done the best thing. The fact that he is harassing you like crazy and he knows you don't want this attention is disrespectful...so really he is still inadvertently treating you like crap, because he is only concerned about what he wants (e.g. he needs to talk to you, he actually has the nerve to tell you in a non conversation?? that he is busy at his uncles and will be available the next day?? , why isn't he focusing all his texts on you?)

 

I know a lot of dumpees on here contact their ex's in desperation (I have done it myself) but most of the time, you know when to stop and you know when too much is too much. Hell, I felt guilty sending my ex two messages in a row and thought 'Oh my god, what will he think!!' but 30 messages in a day?? without any responses? He is crossing the line. If he continues, I would definitely get your number changed. I am sure you could contact your business contacts and simply give them your new number without the need for explanation. It might be your only option if he won't give up. Whatever you do, do not indulge a control freak like him and go and see him, you will regret it.

[winniethepooh]

He immediately went into a sort of panic mode, which I thought would only last a few days at most, but it has lasted nearly three weeks now.

It might last a while longer.

 

The odd times I have considered going to talk to him is because I feel that maybe if I let him vent, then stick to my decision face to face, it may make it more real for him.

Probably not. He is just as likely, or more likely, to misinterpret your contact as you might be willing to consider reconciliation.

 

I honestly don't know why I am still letting him make me feel guilty.

Do you have anything to feel guilty about? By dumping someone you put them in a painful situation. And the guilt you feel for that is the price you have to pay for dumping them. The rightness or wrongness of that depends on the circumstances.

 

It makes me feel horrible that I am letting him continue like this,

Yes, and that guilt might persuade you to consider reconciliation when it's not the best thing for you (and/or him).

 

and then I feel angry that I feel that way and then I just let that pass too.

That feeling is normal, both the anger and the guilt. Figure out if it's telling you anything important, otherwise do your best to ride through it.

 

I would like for him to be able to have peace in all this, for his own sake and also so that he will leave me alone.

Eventually he will. It takes time.

 

I guess it's also partly my fault because I stuck by him through everything and let him treat me like crap, and now that I am standing up for myself he probably doesn't know what to do with it, and I certainly doubt he was expecting me to break the pattern like that.

Well, him treating you like crap is disrespectful to say the least. Your reaction by dumping him is understandable, and it looks like it surprised him. He has to live with that now.

 

I think the only sensible reason for you to contact him, or respond to contact from him, is if you think it's possible he has information that you weren't aware of that might be helpful towards reconciliation - a change in his attitude (probably too soon for that), or misunderstandings, or incorrect assumptions.

 

Or perhaps if you think you haven't been clear to him about why you left him. If he treated you like crap, then he needs to learn that continuing to harass you is a good way to reinforce to you that you made the right decision. You responding to anything I don't think will help him get there. You ignoring him is more likely to.