Good Signs or Red Flags?

[DDream]

I need to vent…

 

I met a man two weeks ago. We have seen each other four times so far. From the get-go, there were red flags I should have probably acknowledged. However, because I felt he was different than the other guys I met, I let it go. I liked the fact that he wasn’t playing games and that he was himself.

 

We exchanged e-mails for about a week before switching to texts. Two days before we met, we spent the evening texting and adding each other Facebook. He kept telling me how beautiful I was and how he couldn’t wait to finally meet me. He said he was worried I wouldn’t want to meet him anymore now that I saw more pictures of him. He said he needed to invite someone to his Christmas Party and wanted to invited me. He started calling me “sweets” and “sweetie”. I liked it, but I was feeling overwhelmed at the same time. I was on the fence about him, but I was looking forward to meeting him at the same time. It was strange. I felt strange. Anyhow, he texted me “Good morning sweets! “ when he woke up and we exchanged a few texts here and there during the day. Then, we finally met the following day.

 

Our initial meeting was okay. We met around 2. We walked in a park and then grabbed a coffee. I could feel he was really insecure. He kept telling me he was afraid he was boring me. He also told me multiple times I was beautiful. Then, I know it’s not a good idea, but we drove around in his car. At some point, while driving, he flat out asked him: “So, do you want to see me again?” It kind of took me by surprise. I said sure although I wasn’t really. It was really strange. The conversation was okay, but I felt he could have asked more questions about me. Anyhow, we agreed to see each other again the following Saturday. I asked him what would be the plan because I wanted to know if I had to drive to him or him to me. (We live 40 minutes apart.) He said: “I’ll pick you up if you want. I don’t want mind. Whatever you want me to. I went back home around 5:30. I texted him to thank him. We exchanged a few texts and he at some point texted: “I kind of miss seeing you already. I hope it’s not weird!” Well, it was indeed kind of weird and I didn’t know what to reply.

 

During the following week, he texted me everyday at least once. Sometimes in the morning. Sometimes before going to bed. Sometimes twice. Sometimes during the day. At some point he texted me that he wanted to kiss me when we met the first time and that couldn’t wait to give me a big hug when we’ll see each other again. He also told me he would probably like to hold my hand next time. Plus, he also said he was looking at my picture everyday. That’s when I told him that it was great, but that I wanted to still get to know him before it gets too far. Then, he texted a little less, but still at least once a day. It wasn’t overkill let’s say. It was just perfect.

 

Anyway, he got to my place Saturday around 3:15. He brought me flowers which was really sweet of him. We were supposed to go to a Museum, but I told him it was closing at 5. We got there at 4. So, we kind of decided to go elsewhere instead. I was really disappointed. We drove around for a bit and decided to go to the restaurant right away and catch a movie at the theatre afterward. During the dinner, he kind of asked how it was still on the dating Website. It’s as if he wanted to know if I was still on there. I just said I logged to check my messages, but wasn’t planning on meeting anyone else at this point. Anyway, it was 5:30 when we finished dinner. The movie was around 6:30 or 7, I think. So, he said let’s go walk in a park in the meantime. We got in his car and then he took my hand and held it. I was fine with it. I let him do it. We talked and listed to some music for a bit. Then, he eventually kissed me. We didn’t make out. He just gave me two gentle kisses on the lips. Again, I was comfortable with it. He kept worrying that I was bored. He said: “We’ll have to kill some time before the movie. Ah… There you go! I’m already boring you on our first date.” But I reassured him. He started driving around and next thing you know we just drove around FOREVER!!! He just kept driving and driving. He said: “I don’t really feel like a movie. I don’t like sitting in a theater.” I suggested playing pool and he agreed. I thought he was driving there because he said: “I know a good place.” But it never happened. It was strange again. I tried to hold the conversation, but it was kind of hard to do for like… 4 hours. I really tried to keep the conversation going, but I didn’t feel he was reciprocating. He kept holding my hand too though and sometimes kissed me. At some point, I told him to stop somewhere and take a break and it did. We stopped in a park near by. I was feeling really strange and I was trying to figure out what he wanted exactly because it wasn’t clear. We finally made out, but it took a while. He asked me when he could see me again and I asked when he was available. He said Friday and I agreed to it. He kept holding my hand afterward, but I know he wanted to go home to. So, he drove me home. When we got near, I said Friday was kind of far and asked what he was doing on Sunday (the following day). He said nothing and asked me if I wanted to see him. I said yes and he agreed and said he would text me. When he got home, he texted me. He said he enjoyed the evening and kissing me and couldn’t wait to see me again. The following day, I had a weird feeling. I waited for him to text me, but still I had no news at 12. So, I sent him a text just asking how he slept. It took him 2 hours to reply. By 4, he told me he had a family dinner, but we could see each other after. I was supposed to go to his place, but he only got back to me after 7. It was getting late already for a 40 minutes drive. So, we cancelled and I was pissed. He acted differently and I just told him good night and see you later. He said: “Yes, good night sweets. I’ll text you tomorrow and please don’t worry I’m interested in you!”

 

He texted me at 6:30 pm the following day. He asked if I wanted to come see a movie at his place Tuesday night. I agreed… even though I probably shouldn’t have to. He told me to drive safe. I got there, we watched a movie. We cuddled and kissed a little bit, but he didn’t try to go any further. He held my hand. He kissed me gently. We didn’t really make out. It was more soft kisses. We caressed each other a little bit, but nothing more. Plus, I told him I wanted to be sure he was really interested before doing anything and he said he understands and it can wait until I’m really comfortable. We agreed to see each other on Friday. (Yesterday) Anyway, I walked me to my car. We kissed good night and he texted me when I got home. He said he was really interested in me and couldn’t wait to see me again on Friday. Again, he texted me every day in between Tuesday and Friday. And, again, he keeps calling me “sweets” or “sweetie”.

 

So, we saw each other yesterday. I was off and so was he. So, I was at his place at 2. At the beginning, he said he was off on Monday. I said I wasn’t. But he said I could call sick and then I could sleep over on Sunday. I don’t know if he was serious or not when he said that, but he looked seriously. He hugged me and kissed me, but there were no big make out session. He didn’t push to have sex with me either… but we did. He kept asking if I was sure. Afterward, we decided to go grab some pizza. It was 4 at that point. He still acted liked he cared. He held my hand in the car. Then, we rented two movies. We went back to his place and cuddled again while watching the movies. But here’s where my problem is… After the first movie, I kind of asked him where we were standing. I said: "What if I want to delete my profile?" He said: "It's up to you. I didn't check my profile since we met." I said: "What if I don't want to meet anybody else right now?" He said: "Don't do it then!" I said I didn't like to see multiple people at the same time. He said: "I didn't think you would ask me that today. It's kind of a surprise." He said he wasn’t seeing anyone else, that he enjoyed spending time with me and still wants to see me, but wants to go slow and doesn’t want to label the relationship right away. It kind of turned me off a little bit. I was more distant while watching the second movie. He asked me multiple times if I was okay and I pretended I was, but I think he could he I wasn’t. He kept cuddling and holding my hand. He walked to my car when I left too. He said he would text me today, but he ended up texted me when I got home. He just said: “Good night sweets!”

 

Anyway, I don’t really know what to think at this point. I feel like he’s giving me mixed signals. He looks like he is interested (and still interested after sex), but I really didn’t like his answer about where we stand. Maybe it was too early to ask that question? What do you guys think? Am I seeing things through pink colored glasses here or am I simply being insecure?

 

Thanks for your time!

[sadchick83]

That was a long one, but good...I don't see that there is any problem, except that it was a bit early to sleep with him. I think he is the insecure one here. You are way over analyzing this...he probably did have Sunday dinner with his family.

 

If you wanted a label, you shouldn't have slept with him so soon.

[chickydoodle]

To me he sounds like the type who is interested when you act cautiously and then less interested when you act enthusiatic; that push / pull thing is going on a bit.

It is lke he settled back a bit once he had you smitten?

Also I couldnt stand that constant self-deprecating act which makes you have to respond with Oh no I'm not bored, or Oh no I do want to see you- manipulative?

He accelerated it a lot initially which is always a warning and is acting over familiarly and inapropriately with the 'sweeties'. Its like he is weetening you u with lots of meaningless affection. That 4hr drive could have been a test of some sort. And to me you failed a test of expressing what you would like and completely gave in to what he would like. So you have revealed you are a giver/pleaser. ( as am I -and would prob have done the same and regretted it.)

I think Red-flags all around and be cautious.

[sara-pezzini]

i think sleeping with him after only two weeks was a bit soon, and then afterwards asking for a lable too....it is way too soon to call it a relationship or talk about exclusivety, which is probably why he reacted that way, keep it fun and casual, get to know each other without pressure of a label, why do you need that so soon?

i don't think he was giving off red flags perse.....but he doesn't want to be pushed into something very serious so soon.....maybe he didn't have too much relationship experinece, hence him being insecure and maybe overly enthousiastic with the sweetie thing.....plus you told him you wnated to wait till you were sure if he was really interested before you slept with him yet two or three days later you sleep with him, that is giving off mixed signals too........what changed your mind in those few days? i would always wait but maybe i am just hopelessly old-fashioned

[deejay74]

to be honest, it seems like you both are giving off red flags. the fact that this guy constantly asks you for reassurance for his self esteem and his terms of affection that came on too soon seem a little off. but you asking for a label on the "relationship" so soon is concerning too. the other thing i felt while reading your post is that it kind of seems you're unsure about this guy too.

[FreedomRing]

All good assessments, imo. You were both acting weird and as if you're both trying to jump straight into a relationship. Too cozy too soon.

[DDream]

Don't get me wrong. I wasn't asking for a label either last night. I mostly wanted to know if he was seeing other people. I was happy he wasn't, but I just wasn't that happy about the last part of his answer. I don't even know why. It almost feels like we already are in a relationship. He lives with his parents and I already met them as well as his two sisters and his brother in-law. He wanted us to hang out with one of his sister and her boyfriend last night. They were however busy. You are all right, though, that I've been giving mixed signals as well since I told him I wanted to take thing slow. We're both guilty of it. I don't know what happened. It's like we are both craving for it, but we are both insecure about it at the same time. Perhaps that's why we're attracted to each other. We're quite alike in that sense. I noticed too that he does pull back more when I tend to be more enthusiastic, but pushes back if I hide my emotions too much. So, what should I do now? Just see where it goes? The communication has pretty much been 50/50. Sometimes he contacts me first. Other times, I do. But what now? Do I wait for him to contact me or do I contact him? Maybe sadchick83 is right and I'm just over analyzing this to death and there isn't any problem?

[sadchick83]

I think you are in a really good position. And, I know its hard to not sleep with someone, women get a bit of an emotional attachment post coital. Meeting the family is a great sign. every relationship goes through an attraction phase, followed by uncertainty, followed by commitment. Its all in Women are from from Venus, Men are from Mars.

 

Im actually impressed he was able to be so emotionally forthright with you.

[DDream]

I think you are in a really good position. And, I know its hard to not sleep with someone, women get a bit of an emotional attachment post coital. Meeting the family is a great sign. every relationship goes through an attraction phase, followed by uncertainty, followed by commitment. Its all in Women are from from Venus, Men are from Mars.

 

Im actually impressed he was able to be so emotionally forthright with you.

 

I know meeting the family is always a good sign, but the thing is I only met them because he lives with his parents and it was pretty much inevitable. He didn't seem to be ashamed about it though. In fact, before we met, he said he mentioned me to his sisters and he showed them a picture of me. Everyone knew about me when I met them Tuesday night. Plus, it's true that he mentioned he wanted us to hang out with his sister and her boyfriend.

 

Do you think I should wait for him to contact me now? He has his Christmas Party tonight. It's funny because he wanted to invite me over, but it was too late to buy more tickets and his mother told me he asked her to go over with him. He also wanted her to take a picture of him in the suit he bought yesterday. She asked me if I was on his Facebook because he said he would post it there. I already told him before I went to bed yesterday to have fun tonight. Maybe I should wait for him to contact me.

[HeartGoesOn]

To each their own, but why would there be hesitation in asking him where you stand, yet there was no hesitation in becoming intimate at that point?

 

I do hope this works out for you, but there are times when you chose to put the cart before the horse, the end result is not what you had hoped for.

[FreedomRing]

How old are both of you?

 

Also, I don't get the impression that you really like HIM per se, but just want to be in a relationship with someone. I get the same vibe from him btw....why so many dates so frequently and meeting all of these family members? Sounds really bizarre.

[DDream]

I as mentioned, I only met them his family because he lives with his parents and it was pretty much inevitable. I was at his place and they were all there. They already know about me since he told them about me. I agree that we're both craving for a relationship. It's probably a problem. He's 26 and I'm 28. What do you guys suggest I do?

[HeartGoesOn]

I would suggest slowing down a bit, take the time to get to know each other, and give it a chance to see if there's potential for a relationship. Also, I wouldn't rush into this, as a healthy relationship takes time to develop.

[DDream]

I would suggest slowing down a bit, take the time to get to know each other, and give it a chance to see if there's potential for a relationship. Also, I wouldn't rush into this, as a healthy relationship takes time to develop.

 

Ok, yes. I will do that, but should I wait for him to contact me now? The last time we talked was last night after he texted me when I got home. He said "Good night sweets!" and I said "Good night babe! Sorry about my change of mood. Have fun tomorrow night. I'm sure you'll look amazing in your suit! " He asked me: "Everything good though" I said: "I was just thinking too much. Don't worry babe! Anyway, I'm off to bed. Have a good sleep! It ended with him: "Good night!

[DDream]

Ok, so, we haven't talked to each other yesterday. I decided to text him this morning around 10: "Hi babe! How was your party last night? I saw your pic on Facebook. You looked awesome! Are you busy today? He replied 2 hours later: "Hey good morning!" I asked again: "Hi handsome! How was the party? He said right away: "It was okay." He sent another one 2 sec later: "How was your evening?" I said: "It was good. I went out with friends. How come your party was just okay? I thought you looked really nice. Too bad I wasn't able to see it in person." Then I waited about 20 min and I said: "If I take the day off tomorrow and go to the #####, would you be interested to come with me? I asked this question because he originally told me he was off Monday and I should call in sick to sleep over on Sunday. I thought it was a good opportunity. Well, it's been more than 3 hours now and I still haven't heard back. What should I think of this?

[DDream]

He still hasn't replied. It's been 6 hours now. I don't really know what to think of this. I feel really stupid.

[DDream]

It doesn't seem like I'll hear back from him. He didn't answer my last text. He didn't contact me today. What an * * * * er. I think I should just delete him from my Facebook and that's it.

[Einah1281]

Just relax...its only been a day. You don't know what may have come up. Don't go assuming and overanalyzing.

 

In the meantime find something to keep your mind off of this.

 

If he wants to contact you....he will call or text.

[DDream]

I'm trying not to overthink, but it's been 2 days now.