How do I heal... I see her everywhere.

[JTS]

My ex and I have been broken up for about four months right now and I am still in love with her. She says she is in love with me and she knows I am the one but she wants to be free for awhile.

 

We go through these phases of not talking then talking and hooking up and getting close but as soon as we do she backs away because she doesnt want to be in a relationship right now.We always got into intimate conversations about how strongly we feel for eachother that it became hard to understand how she could feel so strongly about me but not want to be with me.

 

It was hard for me at first to accept this but I have finally come to terms that she doesnt want me right now and there is nothing I can do about it that I havent tried, except straight NC.

 

Last week she said she wanted to come over and see my new place and make dinner so I reluctantly agreed. (She always gets my hopes up then backs out saying shes not ready.) Well she backed out again. . I was so fed up I told ther we were never going to work out and we shouldnt talk to eachother anymore. She I so confused about me. She loves me and wants me around because she knows I am right for her, yet she also wants to be free and have fun.(She just turned 20.)

 

My problem Is that for the last 3 months she has been at home(2000 miles away) for the summer. Well, school just started up again and it is a whole new ballgame. The Same night I said that we shouldnt talk anymore I saw her out at a bar. The first thing we did was give e/o the longest hug I think I have ever had. I told her I was sorry for being mean(I was kinda rude.) It was akward but finally I left.

 

It was hard because I began thinking about her again. The whole next day I thought about her. That night I went out again and guess who I see. Her again! I cant get over her If i see her everywhere! Not only her, but her friends come up to me everywhere I go.

 

The second Night we kinda were laughing saying that we must be meant to be because we live in a huge city. I went up to her and she said the reason she wasnt talking with me alot that night was because she knew that she would go home with me.

 

She said that she is trying to fight off her love for me because she wants to look back on college and be able to say she was "free." She said she knows she would be unhappy "this year" if she had a boyfriend.

 

I ended up going home with her and being intimate. But we proceeded with much caution but it was amazing. The next day I left not knowing how to leave. But this was Monday and we havent talked since.

 

My question is, there is a huge party at a bar tonight and I am almost positive that she will be there. I dont want to go because It will probibly be akward again. But I dont want her to determine my life because all of my friends will be there. Any advice on how I handle tonight or the situation as a whole would be greatly appreciated.

[DopeStar]

My ex and I have been broken up for about four months right now and I am still in love with her. She says she is in love with me and she knows I am the one but she wants to be free for awhile.

 

Look I didnt read your whole post I didnt have too. I want you to read what I quoted from you and then read it again and then do it one more time. Go ahead Ill wait.....

 

.........

 

 

Did you see what I saw? No? Well here, let me get more specific.

 

She says she is in love with me and she knows I am the one but she wants to be free for awhile.

 

Did you see it that time? I'm guessing no still. Let's try it one more time.

 

says she is in love with me

she wants to be free for awhile.

 

There, you had to see it that time, did you?

 

Just incase you missed it that time too let me explain. That is what we call a string, actually it's more like a leash. She tells you this little bit of info because she doesn't want to be truly free. She wants to have her fun and have sex with other guys. All the while she knows that you are at your home waiting for her like a good little puppy. She is using you as a back up guy, as soon as she falls for one these other guys and he uses her for sex a few times and then ditches her, she is going to come crying back to you and use you as her emotional tampon.

 

 

And your letting her!!!!!!!

 

 

This is abuse, she is abusing your care and concern for her so she can feel good about what she is doing. What she is doing is being selfish and using you, wil she does thing you would not approve of if she was your GF. And then you waited around to get back a girl that abused you.

 

She will string you along for as long as she needs to but as soon as she finds that special someone else, your out for good. And you waited around for nothing.

 

Dont let her do this to you. If she wants to be free, then make sure that she is free and that she doesn't have you as her safety net while she abuses you.

 

Move on, stop letting this selfish, uncaring (insert profanity here) use you. Kick her to the curb and find someone that will actually care for you.

[Protex]

Completely agree with the above poster.

[JTS]

Well said. I needed that.

[vickyx]

yep i agree its like she dosnt want you but dosnt want anyone eles to be with you and she knows you will be there to fall back on if she gets lonely ... she is playing with your head xx