I suspected I was cheated on but will never know

[yeawutever]

I know this isn't relevant at this point. By now I have forgotten about my ex BF but did he cheated on me during the whole relationship (even during the long distance relationship)?

 

What would you think if a guy:

1) Took 3-4 months to call you from long distance

2) Not calling on special ocassions (b-day, Christmas, New Year)

3) When we were in the same place, he came empty handed for Christmas

4) All of the sudden calling often (2009-2010) from long distance but not in the beginning

 

And well he did a lot of weird things.... And off course never even sending a greeting card from long distance at least while I sent things but he never picked them up. Weird....

I would like some answers please. I don't want 200 views and nothing on. Please opinions. I believe I got cheated on but he didn't wanna say it. What do you people think??

[arwen]

None of these things necessarily indicate cheating. They just seem to indicate a lack of commitment and/or interest in pursuing a relationship. So it is good that he is an ex. Would it make you feel better if you know?

[DylanNotorious]

Ask him if he cheated on you. We are like you - we don't know.

[yeawutever]

None of these things necessarily indicate cheating. They just seem to indicate a lack of commitment and/or interest in pursuing a relationship. So it is good that he is an ex.

True but it's a bit irritating that he made he waste 4 complete years. If he never saw me as marriage material he should have been honest about it instead of stringing me with false promise. He used to tell me he wanted to marry me but this was going nowhere. If he wanted I believe he would have done it by the 2nd year... not make me waste more years.

Would it make you feel better if you know?

In a way it would a bit because now I would finally have the answer to that whole mysterious actings of his but then it wouldn't matter. It's still the same... he wasted my time.

[yeawutever]

Ask him if he cheated on you. We are like you - we don't know.

He would always confirmed he never cheated but you know how some people are. Liars exist everywhere.

[Thorshammer]

Thats neglect.. the catalyst of neglect doesn't matter, what matters is that it happened.

 

But, I would guess that sudden high and lows might be an indicator of cheating. If he vanishes, then comes back, then I would be very suspicious.

[yeawutever]

Thats neglect.. the catalyst of neglect doesn't matter, what matters is that it happened.

 

But, I would guess that sudden high and lows might be an indicator of cheating. If he vanishes, then comes back, then I would be very suspicious.

Yeah he neglected both in the relationship and during the long-distance relationship.

 

Then in my country there was an earthquake that occurred in 2008. He didn't even bother calling to see how I was doing. What man or woman wouldn't be worrying about their love? What if I could have die there? I was very pissed off at the time. On the other hand my mothers' friends all called long distance.

 

Funny in 2009-2010.. when he started suddenly calling long distance often he was surprised that I didn't feel the way anymore, that I stopped loving him.

[Furbys]

Theres no need to know if he cheated on you or not. It isn't going to help you in any way. I thought i was cheated on but i didn't ask him because hes an ex and the relationship was already over.

 

I don't know how you stayed with him when he didn't contact you, my ex didn't contact me on my birthday and i left him there and then because it was disrespectful.

[yeawutever]

IMO it would have been much better if he would have said either of the followings:

a) Yes I cheated on you, that's the reason I was neglecting you

b) I never wanted to married you

c) I was never really in love with you that's why I was lazy

 

Talk about unanwered questions but oh well. I'll never know as we don't speak anymore.

[yeawutever]

I don't know how you stayed with him when he didn't contact you, my ex didn't contact me on my birthday and i left him there and then because it was disrespectful.

I think it was for these reasons:

 

a) I gave it away to him (19 and 9 months old at that time) and some of us feel strong about our first, like a hook you won't wanna let go and think things are gonna get better

b)I was in love at that time but naivee also

c) He met me as not only a V but somewhat shy girl too

d) I was too forgiving but not anymore

e) I was weak at the time that I just wanted to crawl in a hole, felt I was doing something wrong too

 

Some just don't have anything better than taking advantage of someone naive that knows nothing and is learning. That is like taking candy away from a baby.

[ToF]

From what you've written, it doesn't look like he cheated. It sounds like he just wasn't a good boyfriend to you.

[chickydoodle]

Such lack of regard could be the result of many things, cheating being just one on the list - others include drug habit or addiction of some sort gambling....etc...alcohol.....would all explain erratic behaviour.

[yeawutever]

From what you've written, it doesn't look like he cheated. It sounds like he just wasn't a good boyfriend to you.

True.. if only I would have been stronger at the time and say ''No, enough is enough'' but it took me 4 years later to say that and verbally blow up on him over the phone.

 

But see my parents would tell me from the start that he was a loser. I should have listened to them and it wouldn't have been wasting too much time on that nonsense.

[ToF]

But the point is, you DID eventually say "enough is enough". You know that old saying, "better late than never"? In this case, that's very true. Think about it: You could STILL be sitting around, waiting for this guy to come around and actually be a good boyfriend. But you're not. You grew up, wised up, and saw the situation for what it really was.

 

THAT's what matters.. Not the fact that you stayed for 4 years. Or even the question of whether he cheated.

[yeawutever]

But the point is, you DID eventually say "enough is enough". You know that old saying, "better late than never"? In this case, that's very true. Think about it: You could STILL be sitting around, waiting for this guy to come around and actually be a good boyfriend. But you're not. You grew up, wised up, and saw the situation for what it really was.

 

THAT's what matters.. Not the fact that you stayed for 4 years. Or even the question of whether he cheated.

You know what's so funny when I say that, he actually had the nerve to blame on how us women are never patient to which I explained to him how I have been patient enough for 4 whole years, thinking he would come and marriage proceeds. He kept saying things like ''Omg you women are like that, blowing up on things but if you make a mistake I can't say anything.

 

Any girl would have probably dumped in after 1 month of not hearing from him in a long distance. I think I was indeed a nice girl in.

 

Then later on when we were just friends for a while (until he stopped calling all of the sudden) he kept saying about how it's hard to find a nice girl and he's better nothing but either s****, or immature, unstabled women. His last gf after we broke up cheated on him with another loser. Why was he complaing to me about not finding a good, nice girl but when he had it right in his hands, he refused it?

[arwen]

True but it's a bit irritating that he made he waste 4 complete years. If he never saw me as marriage material he should have been honest about it instead of stringing me with false promise. He used to tell me he wanted to marry me but this was going nowhere. If he wanted I believe he would have done it by the 2nd year... not make me waste more years.

In a way it would a bit because now I would finally have the answer to that whole mysterious actings of his but then it wouldn't matter. It's still the same... he wasted my time.

 

I understand. 4 years is a long time - I know. My first relation 'lasted' that long (ok, if you don't count the 3 breakups...), and for a long time I have wondered if he really didn't cheat on me. I will never know. For me this is much longer ago (I think) - we are talking about a relationship between 1999-2003 I stopped caring. It helped that I met my current husband in 2006. I also stopped thinking of it in terms of 'wasting'. I really learned a lot about myself during and after that time. Of course I only saw that when I didn't feel angry towards him.

[ToF]

I would cut him out of your life 100%, if you haven't done so already.

[yeawutever]

I would cut him out of your life 100%, if you haven't done so already.

I did the moment he neglected meyet again as a friend (not ony was he a bad boyfriend but also worst friend ever). He has been permanently cut from my life. I now feel nothing but indifference towards him. Those emotions I once had for him have long disappeared.

 

If he ever were to call, my father will answer and gladly send him to hell. I gave him permission to do it.

[HeartGoesOn]

What would you think if a guy:

1) Took 3-4 months to call you from long distance

2) Not calling on special ocassions (b-day, Christmas, New Year)

3) When we were in the same place, he came empty handed for Christmas

4) All of the sudden calling often (2009-2010) from long distance but not in the beginning

 

I would take this as a friendship, as opposed to a relationship.

[yeawutever]

I would take this as a friendship, as opposed to a relationship.

Yeah no wonder my mother would tell me ''What kind of relationship is this where a guy doesn't even care about your b-day''? or ''That's not the way a man that wants to get married behaves, he's a loser''.

 

So yeah he treated me as if I were one of his buddies. Loser he was.

[ToF]

I now feel nothing but indifference towards him.

 

With all due respect, it seems like this might not be entirely true. I think you at least feel some bitterness and regret, if nothing else. Which is normal. But that's a long way from indifference.

[yeawutever]

With all due respect, it seems like this might not be entirely true. I think you at least feel some bitterness and regret, if nothing else. Which is normal. But that's a long way from indifference.

A bit annoyed that he wasted my time but when I said indifference it means that I wouldn't be weak nor have those same emotions as before (at the time I used to think about him even in my sleep but now I mainly think about finishing my career and obtaining a degree).

[ToF]

That's good! Keep those priorities clearly in the forefront of your mind. It will make the healing process 10x easier.