Hard to get or not interested?

[ScoobyDude]

Me - 28 yr old single dude. Her - 25 yr old single chick.

 

This topic is probably a dime a dozen, but I'd really like your feedback. I met Laura online about a month ago. She's cute, a middle school teacher working on her second masters, and is a huge football fan. Sent her an email, asked her out for drinks. She responded positively and we did drinks that weekend. Had a great time, and she invited me in to her place afterwards. Had a GREAT make out session on her couch - kept it PG.

 

We went out the following weekend and she came back to my place. Had another GREAT long make out session - this time it was PG-13. I gently tried to push it but she said she wanted to take it slow, which I was fine with. In the middle of making out, she asks me if she's going to get a 3rd date. Told her I'd be interested in a third date. She sends me a text at 4 am a couple days later saying that she likes me and I'm feeling really good about this. Things seemed to be progressing very nicely.

 

So we text a little that week, nothing crazy. I ask her out the following weekend, and she said maybe because she's really busy, but really wants the 3rd date soon. I'm fine with that, no reason for alarm. The following week is Thanksgiving, and she went out of town to North Carolina, so I knew I wasn't going to see her that weekend. Which brings us to this week. We were texting on Monday when she got back and I asked her to come Christmas shopping with me this weekend. She got back to me saying "I'm gonna try to come shopping, I'm really busy with final projects for my masters." I say cool - let me know. That was Monday. Haven't heard from her since, but I've seen her on match.

 

So my gut is telling me she lost interest. Maybe she met someone else that she's into (I assume that everyone I meet online is dating around, which is fine by me), maybe she just lost interest. I do think she's really busy, but no texts, calls, emails in 4 days? I'm just mad confused because all the signs were positive - hooking up, 4 am texts, her asking for a 3rd date in the middle of making out.....then it really slowed down. What do you think?

 

And do you think she at least owes it to me to tell me if she's no longer interested in the 3rd date that she asked me for? How should I proceed?

[jsd43953]

Relax take a deep breath boss.. its cool. Think about college if you did go, around this time it is hectic. She also teaches on top of her studies so you is just really busy at the moment I can tell you that. She also said she wanted to take it slow so that translates to her also not putting all her eggs in one basket. This is also what you should be doing. Until she says lets be exclusive you should be also on link removed seeing whos looking at you, chatting it up and going out. I mean get together when you can, you are dating right now. Enjoy the fruits of the labor as they fall don't force pick them if you know what I mean.

 

Everybody is different, just because we feel that we need an explanation for lack of communication, others would interpret that if they did contact or whatver that that shows weakness in character, neediness, or clingines. Potatoe Potata if you ask me. But it will work itself out. Remember one rule that seems to common here at ENA people will let you down, so always protect your heart.

[guynextdoor]

She doesn't owe you anything, its just part of dating. They will blow hot and cold signals.. Keep your options open. GL

[ScoobyDude]

Thanks JSD. Def calmed me down a bit. I'm keeping my options open, but I can't lie....I'm hoping this one clicks. I guess what's got me bugged a bit is the really high levels of interest from her in the first two weeks and then out of the blue she's been really distant. I totally know what you mean about people letting you down. Dating is a full contact sport man!

[jsd43953]

Thanks JSD. Def calmed me down a bit. I'm keeping my options open, but I can't lie....I'm hoping this one clicks. I guess what's got me bugged a bit is the really high levels of interest from her in the first two weeks and then out of the blue she's been really distant. I totally know what you mean about people letting you down. Dating is a full contact sport man!

 

Its natural...this is when you know you are a good guy because you take every action for face value. The problem with this is that actions are misleading and more often times we have to learn to sit still. Dating is like a halloween party in the beginning everyone wears a mask, but at some point of the evening they take it off and you see the real them. For instance you can see my story in this forum "hook ups and head games". She seemed like a really sweet girl and I was getting signs that it could go some where then BAM..her we are? best thing you can do with this is step back leave it be and let it develop into what it is . Don't force it, dont try to figure it out, leaving it be is the option with the best result and the least emotional/mental energy expendature.

[WindowTo]

Well here is the thing, she definitely seems interested, but you need to get time in with her or her feelings will fade. Even if it is a short visit, or you drop some coffee off for her or anything. Out of sight out of mind. Early in the relationship it is important that she sees a lot of you, so try to put the energy in to see her, even if it is brief.

[jsd43953]

Well here is the thing, she definitely seems interested, but you need to get time in with her or her feelings will fade. Even if it is a short visit, or you drop some coffee off for her or anything. Out of sight out of mind. Early in the relationship it is important that she sees a lot of you, so try to put the energy in to see her, even if it is brief.

 

Window,

 

I understand your point and this can very well be true. However she let him know that she was busy and it is between the second and third date. While I am sure that bring coffee or something may seem nice, but later it could be seemed as needy. My suggestion is to hold off on more the the "small sentimental" things when he is more stably involved with her. I hardly doubt that it is necessary for him to push, especially if she asked for the 3rd date. She is not going to forget him over the course of four days or even a week or two..just send her a text every few days if you like just saying something simple..."hey hope you are surviving finals..good luck". then keep it moving

[Day_Walker]

It would seem that her interest is waning given by her lack of desire to hang out. What you have to decide is if you think that is due to her really being busy or if her interest is waning. All you can really do is leave the option open but pursue other interests.

[ScoobyDude]

Window,

 

I hardly doubt that it is necessary for him to push, especially if she asked for the 3rd date. She is not going to forget him over the course of four days or even a week or two..just send her a text every few days if you like just saying something simple..."hey hope you are surviving finals..good luck". then keep it moving

 

This is the part that's got me so damn confused! Don't get me wrong, we're not exclusive and she doesn't owe me anything really. But if you ask for a third date and then just disappear for good without an explanation, I think that's kind of $hitty, no? Would love a female's opinion on this as well.

[jsd43953]

This is the part that's got me so damn confused! Don't get me wrong, we're not exclusive and she doesn't owe me anything really. But if you ask for a third date and then just disappear for good without an explanation, I think that's kind of $hitty, no? Would love a female's opinion on this as well.

 

One thing I have learned from life and especially from dealing with break up and now trying to date. Logic does not work in the realm of feelings and interaction with the opposite sex. Sometimes even often times the way we expect things to play out, end up playing out completely different. I mean yeah if you feel its F'd up that she would disappear without an explanation then thats what it is. But then if you DON'T feel that is F'd up and say to yourself "Oh well, she'll get back in touch" I am sure your mindset and attitude will be much different. Just think about this one, you laid a foundation enough for her to ask for a 3rd date. Now leave her with what you did to get her to ask for that date. If it was all she made you think it was then she will call back, sometimes we jump the gun and are not patient. Their are other times the female is like a guy, get a little bit or all of what they want and then flake. Either way hang tight, leave the option open but continue being a man and enjoy the dating site.

[Ms Darcy]

I would leave it for a week, contact her once more and move on if she doesn't actively try to meet up again. Sorry!

[ScoobyDude]

I would leave it for a week, contact her once more and move on if she doesn't actively try to meet up again. Sorry!

 

No need to apologize! I want honest opinions. Thanks!

[ScoobyDude]

"Hey, did you still want to go xmas shopping?"

 

Back in the game!

[LoveSoDeep]

I was reading this thinking...she's working on her second master's and it's coming up on the end of the semester for both that and her teaching job. I think she really is busy.

 

If you like her don't make her do all the work, text her when you feel like it don't feel like you have to wait for her, just don't send 4-5 in a row with no response. Personally even if I am super busy I like it if a guy calls or texts here and there so I know he hasn't lost interest.

[Di84]

I really dont want to sound mean....and maybe i am wrong..but as a girl, I know that...when a girl is really interested, she will make some sort of contact no matter how busy she is ...and definitely sooner than 4-5 days of no contact. Sometimes we wait for the guy to keep reaching out to show up their interest, but seems like you already did this. I'd give it a week top with this one; if u don't hear back by then...time to let go.

[ScoobyDude]

I really dont want to sound mean....and maybe i am wrong..but as a girl, I know that...when a girl is really interested, she will make some sort of contact no matter how busy she is ...and definitely sooner than 4-5 days of no contact. Sometimes we wait for the guy to keep reaching out to show up their interest, but seems like you already did this. I'd give it a week top with this one; if u don't hear back by then...time to let go.

 

Totally not mean! Thanks for your input. I agree with you - I know people are busy, but no one is soooo busy for 4-5 days that they can't shoot a text to someone that they're interested in. But she did get back to me, and we're going out on Saturday. God, dating is such a roller coaster.

[Stay_home]

Don't over invest your feelings, you have to always stay sort of in the center until you know what you've got.

[ScoobyDude]

SO......

 

We went shopping on Saturday at a mall near where I live. It was the first time I had seen her in three weeks. And for some reason, there was just an awkward air between us for the first hour. Then things got better, started to flow, and then we went back to my house. She told me she had plans with her roommate later that night but she came in for an hour. We hooked up, kept it PG. Wasn't really expecting sex after the weird vibe. But we did hook up, and it was good, she was into it, I was into it. I walked her to her car, made out with her again. She told me she might be at the bar we go to to watch football the next day with a guy friend (she did elaborate, saying just a friend), so I said maybe I'll see you. Said goodbye, and felt good about things.

 

So I go to the bar, and I see her sitting there. I tap her on the shoulder just to say hey, no hug or kiss unless she initiated it. And she ignores me. I tap her again....nothing. Then I kinda move to the side in case she thought I was a stranger, and said hey, how's it going? She just says, oh, hey there. Then starts talking to the guy next to me and ignores me. Stood there for like 10 seconds and just walked away. Stayed there for the entire game, she sat at the bar with that dude the whole time. Didn't say a word to each other. Mad confused. I texted her after the game and after we'd left, asking her what happened. She said "huh?" And I was like, I felt like an idiot saying hello....was I not supposed to? She said that she was kinda drunk and out of it. Said that she still really liked me. And I told her that when people I like say hello to me, I acknowledge them. Then she said she had no idea what I was talking about.

 

Really strange. If she was on a date with the guy, which really wouldn't bother me as we're not committed, I think it would be strange to have it where I'm going to be, less than 24 hours after she was in my bed. She knew I was gonna be there, I knew she was gonna be there.....did she think I wasn't going to say hello? I think she totally knew what she was doing and just acted dumb. So confused. On to the next one............

[Slimpee]

I'm sorry, man. That sucks! At least you found out early that she has some questionable character issues. You will be better equipped to handle the next woman who comes along. She's doing you a favor, really!

 

I'm also dealing with a similar situation with a girl who is giving mixed signals so I know how frustrating it can be!

[agatha]

does she have a twin sister?

[ScoobyDude]

does she have a twin sister?

 

I know, right? Kind of a * * * * * y thing to do. Ladies, I want your insight. What was going through her head at the bar?

[Dubb]

I know, right? Kind of a * * * * * y thing to do. Ladies, I want your insight. What was going through her head at the bar?

 

It doesn't matter what is going thru her head dude. That is just disrespectful and I think you should either keep her for just sex(/ducks from the ladies reading this) or drop her but do not make her your GF.

[ScoobyDude]

It doesn't matter what is going thru her head dude. That is just disrespectful and I think you should either keep her for just sex(/ducks from the ladies reading this) or drop her but do not make her your GF.

 

Yea, you're right.

[Dubb]

i'm wondering who she was trying to make jealous you or him you know? I was annoyed reading what she did. Nice job not over reacting man.

[ScoobyDude]

i'm wondering who she was trying to make jealous you or him you know? I was annoyed reading what she did. Nice job not over reacting man.

 

Well, it wasn't him she was trying to make jealous, because she acted like I was a stranger for 3 hours in the same bar, haha. I don't even think he knew who I was. I think maybe the awkward vibe when we went shopping kinda turned her off, even though she did come over after and hook up. Who the hell knows.