A question for the men out there.

[cassiana]

Well My ex dumped me over five months ago so I don't think it is really indicative of a justifiable fear on his part that I would be on the lookout to replace him is it? I cannot say whether he felt insecure in my feelings for him or not. All I can say is that he had no reason to doubt me. I felt he was the one for me and still do despite everything. My present on this site is indicative of this. He may have thought that I was more experienced in relationships than him by using the logical idea that I hadn't been sick and he had but again I never alluded to past relationships.

This perception he has of you makes him fear that you will take too long to commit

Please explain this. He dumped me because he was going away to study for three months.I presume from this that he wasn't too interested in me or he felt that if I waited for him that he would owe me some sort of commitment that he wasn't prepared to make.

While we were together I was never too busy to meet him, was always on time and never looked at another man. I was gutted when he dumped me and it showed. Tell me how any of that was manipulative ?

Since the breakup there was absolutely no contact by me for 4 and a half months. How can that be perceived by him as manipulative? Manipulation cannot be cited as a cause for the break-up.

If I'm trying to be manipulative now it is because he didn't appreciate me when I was genuine.

You also think that he was probably unhappy dating me. He suggested lots of things he wanted to do and I participated in and enjoyed them all because we have similar interests. He sent me affectionate texts and emails. If he was unhappy while doing this it would suggest that he was the manipulative one not me. However I don't think either of us are manipulative. I think he was very happy dating me. I certainly wouldn't want him back if i felt otherwise.

When describing myself physically earlier on I was making a point. It certainly does not mean that I'm obsessed with my looks. I think your image of me is some overly made-up blonde bimbo tottering to work on high heels. Nothing could be further from the truth. I don't even wear make-up to work.

While I do like a little sympathy when I'm down I don't think there is sanyone, anywhere who doesn't. (poor all of us) Also I doubt if I'm the only one on this site who has cried while typing nor do I think that when very very upset am I the only one who hasn't wondered if it would be easier to go to sleep and never wake up. Must I keep these thoughts bottled in here,like we do in the real world? Believe me it is the ones who bottle it up who are in the greatest danger. I don't think I overreacted. I said that I was sorry if I made him angry. Note the words sorry and if.

I also think that you have drawn alot of sweeping conclusions about me. I'm not histrionic. I'm a practical reserved shy person who has difficulty showing her emotions and drawing attention to herself in the real world ( hence the lack of make-up at work etc). While pigeonholes are handy in some regards, in other ways they are to general to be of use in deciphering the thoughts and actions of any one person.

 

On Monday I replied to my ex with a very chatty sort of email. He replied on Tuesday in an equally friendly manner and I have responded again today. After he telling me that he has M>E and then he dumping me, the fact that I have contacted him after all this time must show that I genuinely care, that I am committed etc.

I have no intention of mentioning meeting up or our relationship. i will leave that up to him. I'm not sure if that is what he wants.

[stomacstress]

I agree with you that the few personality types could never render the colorful personality of each of the 6 billion people on this planet.

If your ex didn't appreciate you when you were genuine, he's probably not interested to get back to you - he may just be friendly and you should see him as a friend.

IF he ever shows real interest again, then (and only then) you should discuss all the issues you brought up on this web site, with him! You should ask him if he felt insecure in your feelings for him or not, why did he break up, etc.

You are not the only one to cry while typing. But thinking of ending the pain by not waking up the next morning has much far reaching consequences than getting wet fingers! You need to talk to someone about it, and this person will have to be near you, not thousands of kilometers away...

[cassiana]

When things are bad I have tried confiding in friends and family but really they don't want to know. I have always been the self-sufficient type whom they leaned on and when I need help they can't cope. I have expressed my feelings to a few and they have brushed them aside as something that I would never do. I consider this response to be very unhelpful and very selfish of them . I have severed frierndships because of it. A friend in need is a friend indee etc. I have little time for counsellors. Their responses are the same. They never give answers but ask you to find them within yourself. HELLO If I could do that I wouldn't be here paying you money. How concerned can someone be who will never see you again no matter how on edge you are if you don't sign the check.

As for my EX. For now contact has been established.He may be happy with that or think that he has me on ice until he finishes his job, does his travelling and comes back about march but he is wrong. I am dating someone else. If this works out then my Ex is toast. He is on ice for me but he doesn't know it. I think counsellors call that taking back the power.