I didnt get to speak my mind, getting angry.

[harvej]

My story is sort of differnt in that my GF of 5 years, dumped me for anothe rman, two week after I was diagnosed with cancer. She had become distant but did say that she wished she could "take care of me" and move in. This woman has a child and had been a cheater, was bi-polar,had many financial issues and ailments all for which i took care of her. I was a rescuer to start, then fell for her. Long story short, she dumped me in the normal style I had become accustomed to each time she cheated. She would get caught and say "i thought we were broken up", each time we had a fight and I went NC for 3-5 days. I caught her again 2 weeks ago on her "second date" with her now, new BF. Now after 2 weeks of NC, I assume she is married! LOL!

My issue today is that in our breakup discussions, she blamed me for everything,and I did not say a single thing back to her that was accusatory or what bugged me about her. i just let her unload on me. One issue that really hurts me now, is that she got pregnant and had an abortion early on in our relationship. I was supportive of her,and let her know i would support the baby and her,and would support any decision she made, but to think it thru and make a decision based on her true feelings. I am anti abortion, but respect the womans right to get one. She had already had one child out of wedlock and her daughter has had years of mental issues, behaviour disorders, and was driving her into a depression. (This child was beyond anything i had ever seen as it pertains to being spoiled and tantrums). Even now at 10 years of age, she still throws massive tantrums if she doesnt get her way. I was a good father to her and can control her somewhat, but i always got the "you are not her father" speech. Anyway, she chose an abortion. In our breakup discussion she blamed me for the abortion and said I "forced her because it wouldnt look good to my public image" What image?!!! I am a nobody! I had never said anything even remotly close to that and she said i had a very bad memmory. I assume as she is sociopath that lacks empathy, is that she had convinced herself that she was a victim,and that she was forced to get an abortion vs making it her decision. I makes for a nice "I am a victim" scenerio for her now new rescuer. Again, I took the blame for literally everything and let her vent, not knowing it was our last conversation. She didnt even apologize for cheating multiple times and anything about my cancer etc.. Just totally void of any blame on anything. So I started the NC Rule thinking she would come back for that second opp for me to vent,and nothing. She is sleeping over already with her new guy. (Took her 3 days after we split),and apparently happy and has purged me from her life, complete with self exoneration or any lessons learned how to accept responsibility and become a better person. Should I move on or seek some sort of closure to get it off my chest? I would never go back to that nightmare, but I am a bit angry that she walked scott free of any blame and left me with the burden of blame on her abortion. I accept full responsibility for putting up with her,and can live with my mistakes, but this one item is bugging me.

[Seraphim]

The thing is she is not getting off scott free. She has to live with what a horrible person she is. These people almost always get their pay back. If you got to vent and yell at her do you think she would really care? Would she cut you off and walk away? Would she actually listen and even say sorry or be responsible? Nope, probably not. I think a chance to vent at her will just bring you more pain. Write it all down in a letter and then maybe rip it up or burn it and purge all the pain that way. That way you get to say what you want and you do not have to deal with her. Then I would go on. She is not even worth a moment of your time thinking of her.

 

I am sorry about your cancer. Be positive though because that helps so much. God bless.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You know you are not to blame for her abortion..so why argue with someone who has the kind of emotional problems she has. You may as well argue with a brick wall. People like her will always mistreat others and blame everyone else. Is she truly happy...I doubt it. She is bi-polar, can only feel happy when she has someone worshipping he and is a single mom with a deeply troubled child. Not a happy life, not a happy woman. Rather than trying to seek closure with her, seek it within yourself. Figure out why you remained with a woman who is this emotionally messed up and dragged you down with her. Stop internalizing her warped vision of reality and her revisionist history. Find emotionally healthy people to hang around with who will not tear you down...and first and foremost look after your health. Your bigger battle is with cancer and that should be your main focus...not some loser of an ex gf with severe emotional problems.

[Eocsor]

Just let it go. You can talk to her till you are blue in the face and not get your point accross. With people like that it's best just to suck it up and move on.

[magnoliatree]

Just let it go. You can talk to her till you are blue in the face and not get your point accross. With people like that it's best just to suck it up and move on.

 

Agree 100% with the above. You aren't going to feel better, it's best to just give yourself closure and get this woman completely out of your head and your life.

[Mephisto13]

...besides, everything that she blamed you for, she was projecting on you. That "image" thing was her having many kids from different fathers. Little does she know that her actions speak louder than words...

 

As much as you want her to take responsibility, she won't. Unfortunately, her 10 yr old daughter is a mess, just like her. I'd do like Victoria66 said, write a letter, let all the emotions out and then burn it. You'll feel better because it's out. Trust me, it's a useful exercise!