ANewMe Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 These forums are so helpful and meaningful with the responses people post. I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced what I'm going through... Two years ago I met a married man already who already checked out of his marriage and was determined to get divorced. We surprised each other by immediately hitting it off and shared some wonderful and loving times. True to his word, he ended his years-long failed marriage (not over me) and that's when he turned into someone angry, depressed and generally miserable. It wasn't the divorce so much as it ended the opposite way he wanted: the wife basically accepted it and moved on quickly - and with a lot of his money. I loved him so I stuck with him through his rages, mad times and emotionally distraught existence. He ran hot and cold - ending things then days later reuniting with me. Push-pull-push-pull for a year and sometimes admitting he was just scared of his feelings for me. He told me not to get attached because he was leaving the state, but of course I did because he never stopped calling, wanting to be together and wanting me to support him through this very trying time. He took a job in another state and instead of being needy and telling him I didn't want him to go, I said I just wanted him to be happy and if this is what it takes, then this is how it has to be. He, in turn, just got mean. Screaming mad and suddenly I could do nor say anything right. He said he didn't want me and I stopped contacting him, he continued to contact me until the day he left - mainly to tell me he didn't care about me. Then he moved. He told a friend about me who called me because he said my ex talked so glowingly about me that he wanted to meet me. When I told him what really happened, the man said my ex is basically miserable and still cares for me and it's obvious. I called my ex - who denied everything and got even meaner. A month later I called him, he screamed at me then called me hours later, drunk and emotional telling me it's not that he doesn't want me, he's scared. He then called the next day, talking about how awesome his life is and how great it was to talk to me again. Like he just wanted to let me know he's fine without me. Then nothing. I'm doing my best to move on and do not contact him. I just cannot get past the feeling he really is scared and has pushed me away for good. It's emotionally hard because I still love him. Why do men do this? Thanks for reading this, too. Link to comment
misssparkle Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Men don't do that he did. Unless you want to be attached to the incredible hook, let this one go. He was unavailable from day one as he was still married, so he is technically an ex lover. Take him off of his pedestal. You deserve better. Link to comment
Broderick Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Hi misssparkle, you are right, i am agree with you dear.... Link to comment
Broderick Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Hi misssparkle, you are right, i am agree with you dear.... Link to comment
ElizabethB Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I felt same way as you did and I still do. When I met mine, he told me that he was hurt before. I tried my best to show him how much I care. I got him after all. But he never stopped to play hot and cold games. I felt miserable each time. I was the one calling. After talking to him, I felt happy for a few minutes, then sad and angry. It was always roller coaster. When we got intimate, I thought everything will be fine. It was not. He always found something to pull away and did not forget to mention it was my fault. I was blamed for everything. Funny thing is, I still wanted him and would take him back even now. So if you find out why men do that, let me know please. Link to comment
why do we Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Well him saying he's scared in this situation may be true or maybe to cover something up (for example now he's free and wants to know what else he can get etc). His emotional and mental state is not good now, he's selfish too...that's why. Divorces are hard and he will need time to readjust to the new reality anyway, so best for you not hope and go on with your life. He may turn up with a ring some months or years down the line (seen it happen and happened to myself - I wasn't interested anymore then though. And then I was interested again and then he wasn't - can you guess already with what excuse? but that's another story). Still best not to wait, he needs to sort his problems himself. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 This man has serious emotional issues or else he's hiding something big like some sort of addiction, which could explain the weird ups and downs and drastic mood swings. "Getting scared" is just an excuse and really poor one at that. Either that or he's still reeling from his divorce no matter what he tells you and like it or not you are essentially catching the flack for what he may still be feeling towards his ex-wife. Regardless of the reason people who blow hot and cold are doing it because something is wrong with them. Normal sane empathetic people do not treat others like that and certainly not those they love or claim to love. And from my own experience it never gets better since even if he decides to be "unscared" you've now seen how he reacts to pressure or stress in life in general. Do you really want him going off on you and being mean every time life doesn't go quite his way, which it's bound to? Link to comment
why do we Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Actually to think of it again another possibility - he wanted out of his marriage you helped him, that was what he wanted you for, there was no intention to take your relationship to another level at all. Makes him a bit of a selfish monster though. Also the meanness is just a manifestation of desire to break free. If he planned to stay with you he wouldn't behave like that. But then again he may change his mind many times again. Link to comment
ANewMe Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 Actually to think of it again another possibility - he wanted out of his marriage you helped him, that was what he wanted you for, there was no intention to take your relationship to another level at all. Makes him a bit of a selfish monster though. Also the meanness is just a manifestation of desire to break free. If he planned to stay with you he wouldn't behave like that. But then again he may change his mind many times again. I often thought the same thing. I sometimes thought maybe he just needed me to help him through the divorce but he adamantly denied this and was offended I would think he would use me like that. Then there were so many times where his friends said he talked so highly of me, he referred to me as his "girl' and even wanted me to move in with him. But then his meanness would surface when life got tough and he would push me away. Push-pull. You're absolutely right though, he IS selfish. Link to comment
ANewMe Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 Men don't do that he did. Unless you want to be attached to the incredible hook, let this one go. He was unavailable from day one as he was still married, so he is technically an ex lover. Take him off of his pedestal. You deserve better. Of course he's an ex, would never dispute that. And I have let go but it's so very hard doing so...but nevertheless I am : ( Thank you for saying I deserve better - I truly believe anyone in my situation does but it's so easy to forget that when you're weighed down with all the hurt and sadness of it all. Thank you for reminding me that I do! Link to comment
misssparkle Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 It will get better with time. How much time depends on you. Try to re-channel your thoughts when you find yourself thinking of him do anything you can to get your mind away from him. He does not deserve anymore of your time or thoughts. Link to comment
Broderick Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Hi misssparkle, you are right, i am agree with you dear.... link removed Link to comment
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