Pirandello Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 my ex wants to stay friends with me after our breakup which occurred 5 days ago. She is still living with me and moving out on friday. She wants us to remain friends, this is our 3rd breakup. Then she said that we will be friends but won't see each other or else we might end up getting back together again. So just call each other to catch up once in a while. What do you think? Link to comment
indea08 Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 give it a shot. if after the first "catch up session" you get that pit in your stomach, don't do it. if you can handle it without it setting you back, then no worries. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Yeah why not. You WILL probably get back together. She knows it, you know it, everybody probably knows it. After 3 break-ups, what's another one to make 4 break-ups gonna hurt? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 After three breakups, I think that you should keep your distance. 'friends' is not a downgrade of a relationship - its a different kind of a relationship. I think that you should take time apart and don't contact eachother aside from what is necessary - ie settling the lease, getting stuff back. Otherwise, you are just going to stay in contact out of comfort and never move forward or you are going to get back together and make the same mistakes you have always made with eachother that causes the breakups. You guys may simply not be compatible, you might not communicate well or there are issues you don't resolve. so, why not give yourself a chance to meet someone who matches the new confidence that you find, that doens't keep breaking it off with you, or let this one go and maybe in the future be a relationship you want to be in. Allowing her to keep tabs on you doesn't serve you. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Whats the benefit of remaining friends? Are you friends with all of your ex's? Think about it man.. Link to comment
Pirandello Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 Whats the benefit of remaining friends? Are you friends with all of your ex's? Think about it man.. I was able to stay polite and ignore them for a while until they would contact me on facebook, so i guess it's a virtual friendship, the only ex i was able to go out with and see in person was my first ex. And it took a few years before we could. I know one thing the only one benefiting from a friendship will be her, since she will probably ask me for favors and advice. She even went out with this guy that installed 4 brand new tires on her truck for free then she came back with me and dumped the guy, imagine. Link to comment
tomato Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 out of interest how do you get together again when you breakup? I hear about lots of couples doing this - a two year relationship just ended the first time a fw weeks ago - i'm worried my NC might be killing my chances of getting back together Link to comment
Snny Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 out of interest how do you get together again when you breakup? I hear about lots of couples doing this Uh yea... I am one of these people, but I broke up with my fiance for a year to get our stuff together. It all depends on the situation- my issue was him NOT taking school seriously and F'ing around with no ambition with his own life while I was on my Senior year of college, graduating, and getting a career. He turned himself around after we had broken up so we gave it a shot again. I'm going to be one of those people who says they don't believe in friendships with exes. If you have unresolved feelings for them, a friendship is never going to work out. There is a chance of it potentially working out if the break-up is completely mutual... but not from my previous experiences of dating 5+ guys in my lifetime, LOL. It is what it is... if it's meant to be, things will work out. Link to comment
italiannmf24 Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 If you're able to handle being friends with your ex after this split, then you can go ahead and do that. Yet, if you're still in love with her, it's best to part your ways and stay away until those strong feelings start to slowly lessen to some extent. At this point, if you've been through this twice already, you need to go strict NC after the split to ensure your healing process is quick and easy. Staying friends with an ex you're still in love with is like trying to play a video game without a controller. It's right there in front of you, but you're virtually helpless in reviving the old relationship and creating anew. When she's officially moved out and gone, you need to keep No Contact in order to get yourself back properly. Remember, it's for you, not her. Take your time and approach carefully. Link to comment
Pirandello Posted December 2, 2011 Author Share Posted December 2, 2011 I know what you mean, but we did that last time, we went no contact for almost 3 months and it was worse, we went back on dating sites and realized there was nothing out there. The chemistry we have is amazing it's just we don't get along financially. She doesn't want to pay her half of the living expenses, she wants a provider that pays for everything. I can't do that, i don't have that kind of wealth yet. Maybe one day if i own a company and things go well. But right now i just cannot afford the lifestyle she wants. Link to comment
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