Does anyone else hate that 20 Questions part of dating?

[LoveSoDeep]

I'm wondering if it's just me, but I went on a date this weekend and I found myself just completely annoyed with having to answer all those dumb "get to know someone" questions. I should be flattered that he's intersted in me right?

 

For some reason even when he was being very considerate asking about hobbies he knows we share I was struggling...I know he hasn't asked these questions of me before but I've been in the dating pool for a while and like anyone I get the same questions a lot and you know that slpit second of annoyance you get when someone asks you for the umpteenth time "what day is that yoga class you like (or whatever)?" That's the feeling I'm getting the first time someone asks "So how many siblings do you have?" Logically I know it's a normal question I'm just annoyed that I have to answer it over and over again.

 

Have I just been in the dating pool too long? Any suggestions b/c the guy I saw this weekend could be a good match for me and I don't want to be annoyed with his questions....got any ideas?

[Raaawr]

Bit of both I reckon. Honestly just asking questions is boring.

 

My best first date ever was with my soon to be ex. Basically we went out for drinks and then went to bowling afterwards. We told stories about our lives while we drank, there was no "so what do you like to do" we just told each other stories and by the stories we told we worked out different things about each other. Then when the conversation got dull we went bowling and laughed and joked about that.

 

Honestly I think you just need to mix your dates up a bit. Going to dinner or something similar all the time is definitely going to get boring.

[Moontiger]

I can be annoying to answer the same questions over and over. Why not just be really up front about it in a nice way? You could make a joke about it being your least favorite part of dating. Another thing you can try and think up some unique question of your own, things that don't typically come up on a first date, I for one love asking people, "So, who is your favorite super hero?" Believe it or not the usually leads to a several minuet conversation about why we each like a particular super hero, which ones we don't like, the mythology of comic books etc.

[OrangeMoon]

LOL..you have been dating too long. Getting to know someone is actually fun when you are ready for it. But When you need to take a little break from it all is when you start to feel like how you have described it. You feel worn out, almost irritated about the dumbest questions (in your eyes).

 

If this can continue in another form it just depends on where he is at with regards to dating and if he is also willing to simply transfer this to just being friends and 'hang out' or talk when you both like too. But my guess is that you really need to look inside and what it is you want. Do you want to get to know someone for more..or do you just want to meet casual new friends? Because if you choose the first, the questions are a part of the whole process..If you can't see any fun in that..or take matters in your own hand and guide it towards what it is you do want. Then you should leave it alone for a few weeks or months until that natural desire to date and connect comes back into your spirit.

 

You can be open to him about it or just focus on simply having fun. Say 'no questions..just fun ;-)'..and go on an activity based date or something.

 

To me..its not the questions..its how you are feeling on the inside.. Its a phase believe me...

[DylanNotorious]

LoL wouldn't he be asking questions in order to get to know you??? I guess that's what people do when they meet someone? No?

 

Maybe your meeting too many new guys or something. Don't you just stick to getting to know one? Then you won't have to keep answering questions from different men.

[LoveSoDeep]

I think you might all be right. It's a little bit me and little bit just the way it is.

 

I've seen this guy twice the first time we had coffee and it was only 30 minutes b/c he had plans to play tennis. Which is fine I think it's better to just get a feel for someone. The second time we went to an art museum which was fun but and the time when we were out walking around looking at the exhibits was easy. When we sat down to rest and chat taht's when the "annoying questions" started. So maybe I just need to try to keep things moving. Part of this may also be that he's a lawyer. I think he's used to asking lots of questions to get the information he's looking for. In a way it's kinda cute I need to remind myself of that I guess. Like I said it's just a twinge..it's not like I catually get so annoyed I roll my eyes or react negatively.

 

Do you think after a another date maybe all the "annoying questions" will be answered? lol I certainly hope so. We're meeting Thursday to have a glass of wine and celebrate the completion of my MBA.

 

As for what I want, I really do want to get to know someone and have meaningful realtionship. I'm not into the casual dating thing, and maybe that's why this part of it rub me wrong, b/c this part is always more casual but it's not like you can skip this step so I think I need to learn to enjoy it.

[LoveSoDeep]

LoL wouldn't he be asking questions in order to get to know you??? I guess that's what people do when they meet someone? No?

 

Maybe your meeting too many new guys or something. Don't you just stick to getting to know one? Then you won't have to keep answering questions from different men.

 

I wish I could but it's not 100% up to me though. Sometimes I meet a guy and I'm just not into him....sometimes I meet guys I like and they just aren't into me. Cest la vie!

[DN]

Asking questions is partly getting to know you but its also a way of 'cutting to the chase' in order to not waste time with someone when there are incompatibilities better to find out sooner rather than later.

[Day_Walker]

I think that part of dating can be monotonous but it doesnt mean that questions like that cant be spaced out of the topic cant be moved until later. I find it best to find some common ground then move from there, if the 20 questions start immediately, it just seems that nothing is there.

[LoveSoDeep]

I think that part of dating can be monotonous but it doesnt mean that questions like that cant be spaced out of the topic cant be moved until later. I find it best to find some common ground then move from there, if the 20 questions start immediately, it just seems that nothing is there.

 

True if it really is one question right after another that may not be a good sign. In this particular case I'm pretty sure I'm overreacting b/c there is some good conversation in and around the questions. I don't feel like I'm in a job interview or anything but still those basic get to know you questions are just getting to me. If he asks something out of the ordinary that seems okay but "what kind of dog do you have?" its so simple and right now it's just irking me. I'm not sure why. lol Good news is pretty soonhe'll run out of those kinds of questions to ask.

[LoveSoDeep]

So I think I was giving him WAY to much credit. lol

 

Last night we met again so this is the 3rd time he suggested we have coffee and celebrate the fact that I just finished my master's degree. I suggested we do a drink instead and he was happy with that we met at a wine bar and both selected 2 wines to taste. He launched straight into this story about a hobby that we share and something intresting he had learned earlier in the week. It was like he had planned out in his head what he was going to talk about. Things just seemed awkward, this is the 3rd time I've seen him so I didn't think it was nerves this time...I actaully at one point thought maybe he has Asperger's, he was that socailly awkward. Like maybe the first two meetings b/c they were so short he had learned exactly how to act so I might not notice it. It really was just a strange night. Then after we finished our drinks the waitress asked if we were okay and he said we were done, and she asked if she should bring the check and he said "Yes, please bring 2 separate checks." That's fine I don't have a problem paying for my own drinks but wow! We were supposed to be out celebrating even my mom would have said "Congrats, I'll buy this one." lol

 

He's a nice guy and all but maybe not really a match for me. So maybe the lesson here is "listen to your gut" I thought it was just me but apparently there was something about him that I wasn't really into I just couldn't figure out what it was.

[Thorshammer]

I never ask a girl a lot of personal questions, only until I know I like her and she likes me. I dont see a reason to get into detail if I probably wont see the person again. He was obviously fishing for interests to create better conversation.

 

I sometimes open with teasing, jokes, funny stories, and i look at her for any cues or hints to her interests. If she doesnt feed me any info, then I keep amplifying the jokes and stories. If a girl is not even interested in my stories, then shes not interested in me, if shes not trying to add to the convo, even when I ask her a question as a set up to add her input, then I would eat my food and shut up, lol. I am not going to keep trying if shes just sitting there. Thankfully, that never happened to me, even if we didnt like each other, they still wanted to have a good time, though some girls have been shy, but I still had them laughing.

 

After back and forth stories, "oh, you've been to chicago too, for what?" I try to cruise it into any interests, and even if I get it wrong, if there is interest, she will correct me by telling me her interests. Then, with all the jokes, stories, teasing, I ask personal questions, because we had a comfortable experience, and by then we have more motivation to know more about each other.

 

And, if it seemed forced, then it probably was. He was doing his homework on you trying to plan the night. Its funny that he said 2 separate checks, I dont believe a man has to buy anything for someone who is still pretty much a stranger, but if he asked you out to celebrate, then he should have paid. Maybe he picked up from your body language, tone of voice, etc. that you werent that interested.

[TearsofFate]

Hmm, I'm thinking about dates I've went on, and not all of them consisted of the "question phase" =P

 

I'm serious. I've had dates where we talked more in the moment. By that I mean, we didn't talk about who we are and what we do. We kind of figured it out ourselves by talking about what was happening around us at the time. For example, if we went out for coffee, we'd talk about how good the coffee was Maybe we'd talk about silly stories that happened to us and we'd get a good laugh. Heck, I even remember doing "sound effects" and "voice acting" of different things with someone I dated once, and we just laughed and ended up dating each other for 3 years lol.

 

Another date we played I Spy for the first date and it was just a funny way to get to know someone. My point is (lol) it doesn't have to be the boring question stage. Live in the moment! Talk about what's around you maybe, or what your doing the day after the date, or something like that. With that said, try not to get annoyed over the questions, when they pop up. Don't let them take over the date as well though.

 

Maybe do something that requires a different setting. Drinking coffee at a cafe seems like an "annoying question" sort of place Maybe go feed the ducks, or try something new together like going on a cheap boat tour (Where I live they are 8 dollars to go around the lake). Might be fun!

[DN]

Last night we met again so this is the 3rd time he suggested we have coffee and celebrate the fact that I just finished my master's degree. I suggested we do a drink instead

he said "Yes, please bring 2 separate checks." That's fine I don't have a problem paying for my own drinks but wow! We were supposed to be out celebrating even my mom would have said "Congrats, I'll buy this one." lol

 

So he suggested coffee (inexpensive) and you instead suggested drinks (relatively more expensive) and still think he should have offered to pay?

[blueidealist24]

I haaaaaate when people act like they're interviewing the other person on a date. The conversation is supposed to come naturally. I like just exchanging stories and stuff, not throwing a bunch of questions at the other person. They mention something rather randomly and it reminds me of some story I have, and I tell it, and then they say something.. no awkward interview crap..