Guy who keeps breaking promises

[PetiteGirl]

How do you deal with boyfriend who keeps breaking small promises (like when he's going to call, or email, or some small sweet gestures)? Nine out of 10 times were his ideas and I almost never ask for him to promise me anything. Still it gets annoying after a few times. I know it's just small promises, but boy do they build up over time! I felt let down and disappointed, and it chips away at my trust with him, as if I just can't expect anything from him anymore. I tried talking to him about it, but he gets defensive. I know asking him direct questions like "why didn't you do this?" or "why did you forget?" is probably not the best approach. I also tried the I-statement like "I feel let down when I didn't get xyz like you've promised." That didn't work too well either because it didn't change anything. He comes up with excuses like it's too hard for him or he just forgot. He goes to school during the day and works at night. I understand if he's tired a lot of times, but that didn't keep him from doing nice small things a couple months ago.

 

I'm not demanding anything from my boyfriend. I just find this pattern of breaking promises annoying. We've been in a relationship for 8 months now. This is not the first time I have this kind of problem with men either. Is this a guy thing? Is there something wrong with me? How do I break this pattern?

 

I do have my own life. I work full-time, go to dance studio every weekend, and spend time with family and friends when I'm not working.

[mhowe]

Saying "I call you" is not a promise, its just a statement. I think you should just relax --- you guys sound like you have busy schedules, and you're both still relatively young, so just chill a bit. Hopefully, you're not sitting around waiting for the phone to ring --- and if you are, stop

[LaKings55]

It's not a guy thing. I've dealt with way too many girls who've done this as well. No idea what his problem is though. But, in my opinion, you make the time to be with someone or you're not showing any level of interest in the relationship. If you're going to have a stretch in which you're super busy, then you let them know you won't have so much free time. Otherwise, you end things because you're too busy for a relationship.

[abitbroken]

You are trying to get him to "do sweet things" that might not come naturally to him. Please don't stress over this stuff or hold a grudge. I usually call my bf at a certain time but sometimes i am a few minutes late people of unsafe traffic, the phone acting up, being in the middle of a task - and it doesn't happen exactly when i usually do. It could be that he "wants" to be the guy that does these things but it takes time to make a habit or he has said he wants to do this stuff having felt some pressure. And doing these things don't come naturally when the other person is grilling you for not doing it. If you know he works during the day and goes to school at night, he is busier than you are, and maybe you need the one to send him a "hi, hope your day is going well" note. Or maybe in between work and school, you go get a coffee for 30 minutes.

 

You say you don't demand anything as a gf, but you sure are stressing that he doesn't do these things. In fact, i would say it is a bit high maintenance to build up resentment because of it.

 

I wouldn't sweat the small stuff, and i would focus on the time you have and how you get along when you are actually with eachother. I mean, if it chips away at your trust that he doesn't call you each morning with a "hi baby cakes", then please review the threads about people who have their trust broken by cheating, someone lying about where they have been, etc. It is very small beans.

[PetiteGirl]

Yeah, now I think back, maybe I'm asking a bit too much regardless all the efforts my boyfriend has put into our relationship. We're both busy and still try to make time for each other. I'm actually happy with just seeing him whenever we could, which is about once or twice a week. He wants us to see each other more. Yet we couldn't due to our schedule conflict. I think he was trying to compensate it by trying to do more of these nice little things and ended up spreading himself thin. He feels bad when he couldn't make it happen, and I feel bad that he feels bad. Just reading these advice really brings me back down to earth lol. I need to cut him and also myself some slacks because this is definitely stressing both of us out.

[OrangeMoon]

Stop counting on what he says anymore and see how that goes. If you notice that you need a man whose words you can rely on..this might not be the guy for you.

I went out with a guy like that once, what happened was that I started to distrust anything he said, and caused me to not take him seriously anymore and eventually simply went my own way. To me it is such a form of weakness ... So I moved on.. The little things matter more than we let on sometimes..

 

Could also be that he is not that into you..and just buying his time with you. I dont buy the 'too busy' nonsense..