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Dumper...did I make a mistake? Feel absolutely awful!


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I just dumped my boyfriend of 4 months yesterday. I feel so unbelievably low because of it.


The reason I broke up with him was because I didn't see any future with him. I felt myself checking out other people and getting annoyed with him a lot. Also we've been going out for 3 months and I haven't come anywhere close to falling in love with him.


But now that I've broken up with him, I can't stop thinking about him (what does this mean?), I don't find anyone else appealing, and I feel so damn low!


Have I made a mistake?.... As I think about it more and more, I think I have.


But if I contact him now and we get back together, I still wouldn't know if I want to still be with him! and I might end up hurting him all over again!


Should I contact him and say I've made a mistake? Shall I give it a few days? Arggghhh!!!

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It is natural to feel bad after a breakup even if you are the dumper because it is never nice to hurt someone. But if you didn't see any future with him whilst you were with him then i doubt you would if you got back together.


''But if I contact him now and we get back together, I still wouldn't know if I want to still be with him!'' This quote should answer it for you, you still don't know if you would want to be with him. I think you need to give it some time and really think about it, don't message him saying you think you have made a mistake because you may find out that it wasn't and you have given him false hope. Just give it some time to think about, do not rush to get back into a relationship, especially if you are not 100% into it.

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You are a good person to not want to hurt him again.. I wish more dumpers paid attention to this when they go back to a failing relationship.. but there was an emotional bond between the 2 of you... that will come with any relationship... I think that if your mind was made up and you thought of the reasons why you didn't want to be with him... you obviously took time to rationalize your decision. This is good. Some may say that you should never second guess yourself, while others will say that everyone should get a second chance. I think you need to take some time without any contact and live your life and see if the feelings subside. The first month is always the hardest, you will second guess yourself a lot... but you need to really understand if what you want emotionally is enough for what you are looking for in a relationship... choose wisely, you don't want to hurt him or yourself again. Personally, I think that you made the right call initially, it was a thought out and researched decision, you didn't make this decision on a whim... but if you really think you made a mistake... take some time first to let the smoke clear before making a move.

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You need to lay out the specific reasons for why you saw no future with this person if you want to receive the best advice that we, strangers, can give you. I can tell you that it was a bad idea to sell a car at sub-standard value, but that advice would be based in ignorance if I didn't have pictures of the thing or some idea about its mechanical state.

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Thanks for the advice everyone. It's nice to have the support.


I texted him today and we sorted a few things out. I miss him but he agrees that it was probably for the best. I think the main thing that was getting to me was the fact that I'd hurt him and that there wasn't one specific reason for me breaking up with him. I just knew that if I did eventually fall in love with him, it would be because I'd have forced myself to; and that it wouldn't be the sort of love I would want.


I realise that it's going to hurt. It's like I've lost a really good friend...Break-ups, in any way, shape, or form, suck.


It's only been 2 days so I'm just expecting to feel a bit low for a while.


Thank you so much for your advice people. You are lovely people.


Decs x

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As long as you don't have unrealistic expectations of love and relationships, you should be just fine. That is why I asked for specific reasons because sometimes when people don't have specific reasons it is because they have unrealistic expectations of what a relationship can bring to their life and confuse stability and lack of erratic over the top ups and downs with a lack of compatibility. If that's not the case with you, then it sounds like you just were not a good match and you probably have reasons but for whatever reason you can't explain them.

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No. I've been in love before....well it definitely felt like love...and I felt a lot more for the guy I was with than now. I guess that's essentially it. I don't feel anywhere near as strongly for my recent ex compared with my not-so-recent ex. Hope that explains it.


Thanks for your help.

Decs x

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