hurtforever Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I came out of a 9 year relationship 6 months ago and never thought I would be ready to see other people for a very very long time. However I have been going out quite a bit recently with friends to bars/clubs and enjoying myself again. To make it clear there was never any intention to meet guys. Anyway for some reason I have had a few guys give me compliments and ask me for my number. At first I was so shocked I didnt know what to say as I have not had this happen in many many years, even when I was out when I was in a relationship. Skip to two weeks ago I was in a club and a guy started chatting to me and after a while asked if he could kiss me. I was honest with him and said I have just come out of a very long term relationship and wasnt sure if I was even ready to kiss anyone but I was attracted to him. He was very good looking and seemed like a nice guy. He explained that he also had just come out of a long term relationship too...5 years and hadnt kissed anyone since. Well we ended up kissing and it was very nice. It felt natural and relaxed and this surprised me. He was also a very confident guy and asked me to go home with him which I declined but I did give him my number. He called me later that night when we got in and he text me the next day. To explain I havent been on a date since I was 18 and that was with my ex and we didnt have all this facebook/texting malarky back then. You actually had to phone people! FYI - he asked to add me on FB but I said I couldnt because we had only just met...all my friends on FB i have known forever. I met up with him again last week as we were in the same club and to get straight to the point I ended up sleeping with him - twice. I have only slept with my ex before this and dont go round doing things like that but it just felt comfortable and right. It wasnt planned (by me anyway) it just happened and I dont regret it. He then text me again over the course of the following day. When we were together it wasnt awkward or anything and I am a big reader of body language and could tell he genuinely liked me. We lay and laughed and chatted for hours before I left. I am very wary of people and usually put up huge barriers before I can trust someone. I dont like to play games and just want to know if he maybe used me for sex or if he genuinely likes me. I dont want to scare him away but I do like him. All I want is for him to ask me out on a casual date instead of on a night out with his mates. I text him yesterday asking what he was up to this weekend - he usually initiates the texts....so far no response! I just dont understand men and texting. any ideas? I am guessing that I should just be patient and if he does like me then its down to him to get back to me - if he doesnt, his loss (yeah after the **** I've been through this year I just get straight to the point). I know some people are lazy texters but it just seems weird after the way he has been before. Sorry for the long post on probably what seems to be a silly thing to most people! Link to comment
emma j Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Well, it sounds like he does genuinelly like you.. and he's come from a similar situation to you.. just take it slow. Don't chase after him. If he likes you he'll let you know and all that crap!! If it feels right then go with it and if you feel you need to lay out some things like you want this to go slow or whatever then say it.. Link to comment
Ginger1 Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Agree with above. I think you are right in wanted to just go on some dates that aren't rowdy, just casual stuff---that may not end in sleeping togehter. It doesn't really sound like he is using you though, but just use your judgement. You will know soon enough if that is all he cares about Link to comment
Julia Durst Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Take is slowly. Don't push or chase him. Just keep build up the relationship. Link to comment
hurtforever Posted November 24, 2011 Author Share Posted November 24, 2011 Thanks for the kind advice, I was kind of expecting someone to say well thats what you get for sleeping with him so quickly. Still no text back. It seems a bit out of character for him not to reply cos he seemed so keen and he was going on about how I didnt text him back last week - that was after a full text conversation. Oh well its the weekend soon and I know he'll be out so lets see how that goes. I am soooo desperate to text but must hold off!!! He has my jacket so if I dont hear from him in ages at least I can ask him for that back Link to comment
hurtforever Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 ok so its been 11 days since his last text. This screams stop and leave him alone to me. But, I cant help but keep thinking about him we had such a laugh together. God I hate mixed signals! why cant people just be honest?! before, he was all like I havent been able to stop thinking about you all week etc etc - not in the sick chatup way but in a genuine way. his last few texts were along the lines hope you get home ok, i had a good night x, what you up to? I found your jacket then he said i'm of to bed night night x in his last text then NOTHING. I have send two texts spread over like 7 days just asking what he was up to and then asking if I could have my jacket back, both sounding keen but I didnt want to be OTT at the same time and scare him off. Looks like I've been used. Maybe I'm not a very good judge of character after all. I know I need to stop and keep telling myself to but I keep checking his facebook - Im like a stalker - help! He hasnt added anyone as a friend in ages including any girls. maybe he has someone else on the go already! As he has just come out of a LTR too maybe hes just chilling on his own and doesnt want anything. Maybe he should have thought about that sooner. Yeah I know assuming stuff is also not good! I just need to leave it but I always have this problem - I hate the unknown! sorry for my ramblings but it stops me from messaging him. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I don't think you were used. You had sex together and had fun. But in a realistic way, once that's happened, where do you go from here. There has been no build up, dates, or anything for him to get to know you. It's BAM! sex, so he's probably thinking "Well I don't know what else to do with her" because he simply might not be looking for anything more. This is why it's so important to build something up first, so that you have a foundation to work from. Link to comment
Deejmonster Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 He just met you... that is something a player would do.. and to bait the trap.. he tells you that he just came out of a relationship to get you to let your guard down. I am not a player... and when I come out of a relationship the last things I want to do in the first few month are kiss a random girl let alone take her home.. call me old fashioned but something just doesn't seem right.. He asked you to kiss him within minutes of meeting you... why? to see if you were easy... when you put up a fight and told him you weren't interested because of a fresh break up.. he tells you he did too.. in order to soften you up.. and then tries his luck again by asking to take you home... so when you meet again.. he is going to try until he gets what he wants... then he talks a bit throughout the week.. then gone... thats a player... Something just doesn't seem right here... I hope I am wrong. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 I think if you aren't going to be in a relationship, and you have sex with someone, it's not quite right to say you were used. I suspect he lost interest. You both made it clear that you had just gotten out of relationships. Link to comment
jsd43953 Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Hurt, You are my ENA Kindred spirit sorta speak. I have a post in this forum titled "hook ups and head games" check it out. Anyway we are in teh sam boat but we are just the opposite sex, wearing the same shoes. I believe initially we all tend to think that lack of communication after sex means they got what they wanted and thay we got used, but we dont know that. The truth is that the other person only knows the answer to that and it will be revealed at some point and time. Heck also take it a step further if it doesnt pan out at least you got your boots rocked, which must say something for not being in the game for 9 years. "GO HEAD WIT YOUR BAD SELF At this point you sent a text he didnt respond, hey no sweat keep it moving. Go on about your business let him make contact. He will contact you I am sure. Dont they always. Link to comment
hurtforever Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 I read your post. Totally in the same boat! I will not generalise and say that all men are like this guy lol! I've had enough of mind games but I think everyone must play them at some point. I personally wouldnt just disappear on someone - I would at least give an explanation. The other person doesnt deserve to just feel deserted even if its probably not meant to be. I must just get on with things and see what happens. You say they eventually contact - well we'll see. Link to comment
jsd43953 Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 I read your post. Totally in the same boat! I will not generalise and say that all men are like this guy lol! I've had enough of mind games but I think everyone must play them at some point. I personally wouldnt just disappear on someone - I would at least give an explanation. The other person doesnt deserve to just feel deserted even if its probably not meant to be. I must just get on with things and see what happens. You say they eventually contact - well we'll see. Hurt, You are right nobody deserves it but humans are humans. I have a saying and that is " I trust everybody, but I dont trust the devil that is in them". Relationships between opposite sexes are like a masquerade ball. Everyone is wearing a mask which is hiding there true identity. However at some point in time that mask comes off and the persons true form is revealed. For people like us, no since in crying over spilt milk. We know our worth and what we bring to the table. Maybe just maybe, the person has a change of heart, reaches out and wants to hook up again or whatever; At that point is it worth it? Link to comment
hurtforever Posted December 3, 2011 Author Share Posted December 3, 2011 well guess what, I was out on the staff Christmas party last night and I got a random text off him out of the blue. He was apologising for not contacting me and wanted to let me know that he has been busy and is thinking he is getting back with his ex. I had a small feeling this would happen. anyhow after a few texts were exchanged I ended up out with him and went back to his. his intentions were clear and I was up for it even tho I am kind of setting myself up to be hurt. I know I dont want a relationship from this and he is happy just having sex with me. I had a chance to talk to him but I didnt take it. Hes an honest guy so I know he would have given me answers. Just thinking, if I was his ex I would not be happy to find out he'd been sleeping with someone if they did get back together. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Wow, that was a poor decision. Link to comment
David Mac Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Promise us that you won't waste any more of us ena's time by promising that when things turn sour you won't make a new thread about how you feel so stupid for letting yourself get hurt. If all you want from him is a .... then enjoy it whilst it lasts. It is blatantly obvious he has only contacted you to get a ...., as you have jumped back on him without a care in the world you must have little respect for yourself. Link to comment
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