Biggoofyguy32 Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I have a question. My girlfriend broke up with me 3 days ago. I spent the first 2 days upset calling her and telling her I love her and don’t wanna be without her. Saying things like don’t you love me? You are perfect for me I don’t wanna lose you! I’m sorry yadda yadda yadda. Then to make things worse I woke up this morning with such a broken heart I got in my truck and drove by her place. I feel like such a stalker and need to stop but my mind is just screwed up. Thinking what if she is with someone else? What is she doing? Is she thinking of me? What if I lose her! i think i made things worse sounding very desperate like my world is nothing without her. She wants me to give her space. So I am initiation the No Contact rule. After reading a bit about it I believe it could do wonders for me. But my question is this. I was just going to not call her again for a month. What if she calls me? What if she calls and wants to talk to me cause she misses me or something? Do I take the call or do I just completely ignore her? I don’t want this NC rule to back fire on me either. I love this girl and would like to get back together with her. But I definitely need to turn the tables around and make her chase me. Thank you for your time. looking forward to hearing from you. Link to comment
Airbag Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Never have high expectations when initiating NC. Always remember that you are #1 in your life, and therefore go NC for yourself. She may be wondering what you're doing and she may miss you after a while. But don't fall for the so called 'breadcrumbs'. Small messages or phone calls just to see if you still care about her. Dumpers often want to unintentionally keep the dumpee around. Be careful about that. Link to comment
i miss u much Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 ok i did this to my ex boyfriend, i did it cuz i still had feelings for my ex and things did change between me and nate so i told him just to give me space, becuase i wanted to see where things could go with me and reilly. well reilly was always the jerk but could make you think he loved you. but anyways I ,ME, the girl(!!!!!) started talking to nate after a month or so and now we are best friends and we still say i love you and we still talk about the times when we were together. so just give it time, in the mean while go have fun! when she sees you with another girl or just talking she will send you a message say " wow hope your happy again without me in your life " than you send back " oh that well me and (gilrs name) were just talking about homework... sounds like you are mad is something wrong sweetie(or whatever nickname)" than you guys talk anbout what you guys feel! hope that helped...good luck Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Why did she break up with you? Link to comment
i miss u much Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 they only want them around so they can run make to them when another realtionship goes bad! but on the other hand that running to his arms could change her mind about breaeking up with him in the first place! Link to comment
Biggoofyguy32 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 So should I just not take her call or text her back? Thing is I know she loves me. Its my fault that we broke up. I acted crazy by accusing her of cheating on me. I have a problem with acting jealous. My kids mom cheated on me long ago and I have had the hardest time trusting people since. Its like sometimes my mission is to try and catch someone cheating on me even if there not doing it. And when they find out my intentions they get made about it and think im crazy. But she always comes back because she says she loves me and cant turn that off. But this time she said she gave me my last chance and she just cant deal with it anymore. I know I am in the wrong and maybe i need to see a doctor. She says she wants space i need to give it to her. But Im dying inside. I think this time she might really be done with me! Link to comment
Deejmonster Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Just go into NC. She is going to call when she doesn't hear from you. Curiosity, guilt, and familiarity will make her look for you and if she wanted to work things out she would flat out leave you some sort of message letting you know that is what she is looking for. So don't answer her calls or texts unless she deliberately states that... otherwise you are just going to be strung along. Dumpers don't do this on purpose, they just fail to see the harm in which they are doing to the dumpee. A break up is hard enough, don't put yourself through more by waiting by the phone or dialing her up. Grieve for as long as you need, go out and rediscover yourself, and reconnect with old friends. You will thank yourself in the long run. Link to comment
Biggoofyguy32 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 She broke up with me because I get jealous and always think she is cheating on me. Its a problem I have had since my kids mother cheated. Link to comment
Biggoofyguy32 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 So if she asks what I am doing or says she misses me just dont reply? Link to comment
Biggoofyguy32 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 Yeah I have been so bad I cant even get out of bed. I dont want to shower/clean/eat or be a father. I am a single father of twin boys. I am however building up to get motivated soon. I think maybe I will start working out and get this place clean. Its when I feel lonely that I feel like i have to call her. Link to comment
i miss u much Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 i understan the whole jealous thing! But NC is good for awhile! you just need to giver her time and when you see her somewhere be nice say hi how are you and than if she answer say what you think. and than walk away...small talk. shows her that you still care about her and that you are trying. hang in there when you feel alone take your kids out or play with them! be a good dad dont let this realtionship mess up your kids lives, working out is a good thing, listen to your ipod and focus on the gross sweat! (eww) and maybe you will met someone there! who knows what could happen Link to comment
sonypirates Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Are you working on those jealousy issues? You need time to self reflect and heal. If you don't work on the negatives of your person then you'll just push her away again if she does in fact come back. Stop worrying about her right now and worry about yourself and why you pushed her away. Link to comment
winniethepooh Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I spent the first 2 days upset calling her and telling her I love her and don’t wanna be without her. Saying things like don’t you love me? You are perfect for me I don’t wanna lose you! I’m sorry yadda yadda yadda. Ok, not a good idea when someone wants space, but at least it's clear to her that you don't want to break up. Then to make things worse I woke up this morning with such a broken heart I got in my truck and drove by her place. I feel like such a stalker and need to stop but my mind is just screwed up. Well, if you behave like a stalker, then you can expect to feel like one . Thinking what if she is with someone else? What is she doing? Is she thinking of me? What if I lose her! What if she is? You don't know what she's doing. Yes, I'm sure she's thinking of you. Sounds like you have already i think i made things worse sounding very desperate like my world is nothing without her. Yes, sounds like you did. But your world is not nothing without her. Your world was something before you met her, it will be again without her. She wants me to give her space. Then give her what she wants. She didn't really give you choice about that anyway. So I am initiation the No Contact rule. After reading a bit about it I believe it could do wonders for me. Wonders for you, or for getting back with her? You realise that NC is just a simple (not easy) way to focus on healing yourself? I was just going to not call her again for a month. And then what? Why would you call her then, and what would you say that's different to what you'd say now? What if she calls me? What if she calls and wants to talk to me cause she misses me or something? Do I take the call or do I just completely ignore her? Depends on what you want, and what she wants. I don’t want this NC rule to back fire on me either. I think you might have missed the point of the NC rule. I love this girl and would like to get back together with her. But I definitely need to turn the tables around and make her chase me. Make her chase you? Why? You and her were together, now you're not because of your jealousy issues as far as I can tell. So why do you think she should chase you? Wouldn't a better idea be for you to deal with your jealousy issues? So should I just not take her call or text her back? Has she called you yet? Its my fault that we broke up. If it really is, then I think you should be the one trying to fix things, not her. That is, if they can be fixed. I acted crazy by accusing her of cheating on me. I have a problem with acting jealous. My kids mom cheated on me long ago and I have had the hardest time trusting people since. Your new girlfriend is not your kids mom so it's not fair to impose that judgement on her. Its like sometimes my mission is to try and catch someone cheating on me even if there not doing it. Oh dear And when they find out my intentions they get made about it and think im crazy. Are you crazy? But she always comes back because she says she loves me and cant turn that off. But this time she said she gave me my last chance and she just cant deal with it anymore. I know I am in the wrong and maybe i need to see a doctor. She says she wants space i need to give it to her. But Im dying inside. I think this time she might really be done with me! Maybe she is. Would you rather deal with your jealousy issue and be with her? Or not deal with your jealousy issue and not be with her? Do you have any good reason not to trust her? If you want to be with her, then you could say (or maybe write an email/letter) to her that you're sorry, you are going to deal with your jealousy issue by doing (whatever it is you do to deal with jealousy issues - see a doctor?), and you are going to respect her desire for space by leaving her alone now, but if she would like to talk about the relationship, especially about ways for you to deal with your jealousy issue, then you would like to do that. And then leave her alone. Perhaps, don't send something yet, go and find some doctor/counsellor names that could help you with your jealousy issue, make an appointment, then if she calls, or you send the letter, you can say that you have made a concrete step towards solving your problem. But see what other people suggest also. Anything you do from here will be difficult and painful I expect. Link to comment
Furbys Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Whatever you do, do not let this break up affect you as a father, your children don't need that. Link to comment
Deejmonster Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 First and for most you need to still be a father for your children. Getting through this is going to make you a stronger father and a strong person. NC is good for now, I can't say it will happen, but I have never broke up with someone or had someone break up with me where I never did hear from them again... they always come back at some point, if it comes to the point of reconciliation, then you need to put it out there that you are not as insecure as you proved yourself to be. Calling her and emailing her and picking up the phone anytime she calls is not exerting dominance and is showing that you are insecure. Just give it time, it heals all things. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 People worry more about the breakup than the reasons behind it. It was good for her to break away from you. Your behavior was unhealthy and not loving. And if she finds someone who treats her better, then that's ok too. In the meantime, you need to work on your jealousy versus trying to get her back. Link to comment
Madara87 Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Hey i know how you feel man my "EX" Girlfriend just broke up with me Sunday 11/13 At 3pm my heart broke.. I ask her what the reason she says SHE don't feel butterflies anymore that was it... That was the worst reason to break up ever but ok she don't even appreciate me taking care of her son at all either so i am not going to waste anymore time with this girl.... I am sorry it happen to you and all of us.. Link to comment
Biggoofyguy32 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Share Posted November 21, 2011 Thank you for your advice. I just now saw there was other pages thats why I have not been on. I wanna call her so bad right now! its killing me! Link to comment
Biggoofyguy32 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Share Posted November 21, 2011 That was a lot of advice but thanks. I will take all that into consideration. The letter sounds like a good idea. Link to comment
Biggoofyguy32 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Share Posted November 21, 2011 thank you for your advice it is helps me. I was just thinking of calling her and i got on here and see all these replies and its helping. Thank you Link to comment
Biggoofyguy32 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Share Posted November 21, 2011 Sorry to hear that man. I hope it gets better for you. I am getting ready to work out soon. Its been a while since I got back into shape. Im sure it will realase some of the stress my body has built up. Then imma go sit in the jacuzzi. You should try the same thing. Link to comment
Biggoofyguy32 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Share Posted November 21, 2011 Yes she told me many times I was pushing her away. People say I do that to everyone. I guess I am crazy. Link to comment
winniethepooh Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 I guess I am crazy. You're human Don't call her. At least not yet. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 My advice is to start looking into therapy. Good luck. Link to comment
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