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Well, not really sure how to start. Pretty much want to die just like the rest of you. I have a lot of money, wonderful family and friends, and people know who I am. So why do I want to die? Nothing traumatic has happened to me to cause this surge of depressed thoughts to overflow into my head. They just seem to be there. I still laugh, work out, go to parties and such but I need to force myself. I've developed this bizarre feeling whenever someone asks to do something with me. All I really want to do is sit there and be that blob of flesh, bone, and guts. Yup. That's me, but I guess all people are just like that. Why the hell would someone want to post a tyrannosaurus icon, or have the need to for that matter? Why can't a die already? Today I actually found excitement in looking down the barrel of a handgun. I wish I had a good enough friend that would pull the trigger for me, but they're all too concerned with their own mental happiness and forget to think of mine. Honestly this is the only thing I'm selfish about. If I could take the place of a terminally ill person I would in a heart beat. Well damn, I'm terminally sick in the head so I guess I'll just wait my own turn. I'm done now, I need to return to sitting and breathing. Hopefully the latter of the sentence wont be true for long.

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Well, it sounds like you are depressed since you have a dismal outlook on life. The good news is that there is a cure for depression since it is due to a chemical imbalance of the brain. Suggest that you check with your doctor who will take it from there. Please keep coming back to our little community and keep posting. You will find many caring people here.......chi..

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In many ways, it must be hard having a hidden life like that. On the surface at least, you are successful. As you stated, you have good money, family, friends, and recognition. But still, there's something wrong, and something is missing from your life. Do you have any idea what that could be? You will not find the answer to that at the bottom of the barrel of a gun. Although on the surface you seem have to have everything, but perhaps that is the problem. Everything is at the surface. Maybe you are missing depth to your life, and the deeper connections to others that makes life worth living.


I was intrigued at how you said that you would trade your life with a terminally ill patient, if you could. Perhaps if you can satisfy part of that equation in a way that would be very beneficial to both yourself, and another. If you have good money, have you considered trying to save another's life? If you are in a country that does not have public health care, there are surely some in your community who have been stricken by a disease who desperately want to live, if only they could afford the treatment. You may very well have the capacity to give them life, where they lack that capacity. Helping another is of incredible value.


If that is not possible, there is meaning in helping others in smaller ways, and that is a source of happiness. You see, there is much belief in our society that building wealth and fame is the path to find happiness. Although true to a certain point, but after our basic needs are met, I think the opposite is true. Additional wealth begins to weigh us down and burden us, as it takes more and more energy to maintain an image of prosperity. But that image becomes further and further away from who we truly are.


I have found that after my basic needs have been met, that my path to happiness, and to have meaning, involves helping others in solving their problems, and helping them achieve their goals. So my advice, for whatever it may be worth, is to put aside your own feelings of desperation, even if only for a moment, and to look beyond yourself. Help another solve their problem, and through this action, you will be closer to solving your own.


Please keep us posted on your situation. We really would like to help you.

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