Emotional Affair..... DON'T!!!

[minimini]

So... I was the one who had the emotional/ physical affair with my jr. high sweetheart. I'm the one who put myself in the situation I'm in... So I don't expect sympathy. But, I'm posting anyway. I'm trying my hardest to make things better, fresher, happier with my husband. I just landed over here, in the foreign country where he's working because I knew it was the only chance we have at working things out. I know, from my end, that I plan on doing ALL I can.

 

That being said, let me just say, DON'T DO IT. If you are having an emotional affair, plan to, are just "flirting", whatever it is... DON'T! My affair, which was mostly emotional, has killed my spirit! Though it's over, and we're no contact (with the exception of OP professing his love via messages once a month or so), it feels awful! I've done this to my own life. My husband and I were troubled before.... But now the road to better is SO much longer.

 

Getting past the affair and trying to get my marriage back on track is the crappiest thing I've ever had to do. Though the OP is out of the picture.... He's still in my head.... I want him gone from my memory so badly! I want my marriage back, my husband's affection back, a happy family life back! If you are starting something right now.... DONT DO IT! Get out before it sinks in to your bones and becomes a part of you that you hate!!

[hers]

Thank you for posting this. My husband had an emotional affair with his ex (well, not so much "emotional" as it was extremely inappropriate) and it almost killed us b/c it was RIGHT before our wedding. We're still working through the "kinks" of what he did but we're getting past it.

 

I wish you two the best of luck.

 

When you say emotional affair, what did it entail? How long did it last? How did your husband find out? If you don't mind my asking...I'm just curious.

[hers]

Hopefully the wedding was cancelled until the kinks are solved.

 

 

Notice I said "Husband"

[Miss Firecracker]

It always begins with harmless flirting. That's why I don't believe in harmless flirting.

[sidehop]

It always begins with harmless flirting. That's why I don't believe in harmless flirting.

 

Agreed. Flirting almost always involve sexual or romantic gesture whether the person doing it and/or receiving it is aware or not. Flirting = for singles.

[Miss Firecracker]

minmini,

 

I'm glad you are sharing your story. People think it only happens to other people though. Their flirting is different.

 

Flirting is a very vain act. It's all about me, me, me! See what sort of response I can get to prove my value. See who thinks I'm cute, who will smile at me.

 

They will say, "I don't MEAN anything when I flirt. Oh, that's just my personality."

[minimini]

Thanks for the replies everyone! This is the hardest thing I've ever done, really it is. I NEVER thought that a little "harmless" flirting could lead to this. Getting past this hurts so much and the anger and disappointment I feel toward myself is something I just can't escape.

 

@hers - The emotional affair consisted of everything and anything you can imagine. Love, support, friendship, sex (virtual and 2-3 occasions of real sex, also)... You name it. It lasted about 6 months. I told my husband about it.... Not in such detail, but he knows the gist of it.

 

@Miss Firecracker - You're absolutely right about the flirting! It is so selfish and such an ego boost!! But in the long run, it's nothing but trouble. I'm not the type to flirt or do anything of that sort. It's not even like me... But I still fell into the trap. I just don't wish this kind of hurt on anyone. I'll admit I still have feelings for the OP that just won't go away! That's the absolute worst.... Thanks for your reply....

[iowan]

I agree completely about Miss Firecracker and OP on flirting - don't even mess with it! It's funny how people can misinterpret friendliness - I would so much rather be a little colder to someone than worry about giving them the wrong idea.

[dobbin]

do not flirt when you are in a relationship. many will claim it's harmless and only feeds their need for attention. the danger in flirting is that it creates opportunities for people to feel good about themselves and next thing they know they start to have feelings for a person who is not their SO! mind you these feelings are all butterflies, unrealistic and shallow until the feelings hit you.

therefore dont flirt unless you are single.

[winniethepooh]

Yes, it's much easier not to start something like that in the first place, than to stop once it's started.

 

Feelings of love, lust, desire, are very difficult (or impossible) to control, and they can sneak up on us. What we can do is avoid ending up in situations where they can develop (like flirting inappropriately). And who knows what the other party is thinking. Some people are very clever at manipulating situations to their advantage.

 

I want him gone from my memory so badly! I want my marriage back, my husband's affection back, a happy family life back!

Good luck, I hope it works out for you. Glad to hear you at least have the opportunity to try and do that.