We're both new to sex.

[champagne69]

I've been with my boyfriend for eleven months today, we're both 18, and both gave each other our virginities a month ago. He's been busy finishing school so we haven't had that many chances to be alone. And I have a couple of things I'd like advice with!

 

Firstly, I came on here for advice with the pain upon having sex, I'm a very small girl and was extremely tight, I know it's supposed to hurt the first few times, but we've had sex five times now and the pain is still quite intolerable at initial penetration, on the weekend it was just as bad if not more painful than the first. We have used foreplay and plently of lubrification every time so that's not a problem. I don't think that it's so much my 'tightness' anymore but more so my muscles clenching rather than relaxing. It still feels like he is tearing muscles open at the beginning, but once I get really into it and I know I'm relax down there - it no longer hurts and he can easily glide in and out of me. I was just a little confused my muscles hurt afterwards on the weekend but they didn't even hurt after the very first time. He finishes school this week and then we will have all the opportunities in the world to enjoy our physical relationship - so I'm curious and hoping it will become non painful the more frequent we do it, and upon doing it more often I should learn to relax more. I'm just scared I'm going to be one of those few whom sex is always uncomfortable/painful - I enjoy it very much just the initial penetration is unbearable.

 

Secondly, is it possible that the condom can be too tight for the mans penis? My boyfriend I suppose is average size, it's perfect for me, but we've been using just the ordinary sized condoms and upon having sex he has found that he is on the edge of orgasm nearly the whole time and then it's like he's going to but it just doesn't happen. He has suggested that it's the condom - he says it has left a red ring mark around his shaft and has felt awfully too tight and I'm wondering can this affect ability to orgasm? We also have had sex for approx 30mins everytime except on the weekend it went for an hour so I can imagine length of time he is wearing it if it is too tight could potentially affect what's going on.

 

Last problem, I knew it would take sometime to get comfortable and used to sex, we're both new to it so we're kind of just going along with it, doing what feels good and exploring new positions, however, we cannot physically get into doggy position, or him from behind at all. He is still scared of hurting me and I think he would have to still be nervous about it, but he usually lets me get us into position because some positions feel way too tight and uncomfortable for me - however I simply just do not know which angle or how to get into doggy - I feel stupid and he doesn't really know either so we have a giggle about it and move onto something we know we can do - but it just feels so silly that we can't get into doggy because it's one of the most popular positions.

 

So please, advice?

[Fudgie]

1) Normally, pain during sex isn't normal but if you just lost it recently and you go through periods of not having sex with him so it's not that regular (yet) then I can see this as understandable. I think if you guys get to be together and explore your physical relationship, then the pain will decrease more and more as your vagina becomes accustomed to him. Still, if you are up for your apt with your gyno, I'd go and last about it just to make sure.

 

2) Yep, sounds like his condom is too tight. My boyfriend is 7'' and while we don't use condoms now, he is too big for "normal" ones. They do make larger condoms, you just have to look. I think the brand is "Skyn".

 

3) Do not do doggy style until sex is comfortable and without pain. You gotta trust me on this.

[OptomisticGirl]

For a lot of women they don't 'break' completely the first time, it actually takes a few times to fully break the hymen. This could be case or as you said, your just tensing up in the beginning.

 

I would say yes, he may need to invest in a little bit bigger condom - not too big though.

 

Sometimes positoing can be hard. With doggie I almost have to have my face in the bed and my lower back half really close to the bed but this aggrevates the crap out of my lower back and is uncomfortable after about 2 minutes. Just dn't rush it, it will come with time.

[Fudgie]

Like OG said, it really does take time. I personally prefer doggy with my butt high in the hair, and I'm on all fours, and my boyfriend is up on his knees, straight up.

 

Like you, I struggled with initial pain. I was with small men before my boyfriend so when I got with my bf, it HURT and I bled, which I never did before. It took a few times of some discomfort but I'm fine now. Recently though, we tried a new position, like 2 days ago. It felt really good but it was also very intense and tight and I was a little sore/bled a little, but when I did it again, I felt fine. Doggy was the same for me. It took me a while to get "used" to it. Doggy is very deep so it may not be right for you just yet.

[champagne69]

1) Normally, pain during sex isn't normal but if you just lost it recently and you go through periods of not having sex with him so it's not that regular (yet) then I can see this as understandable.

 

Well our periods between having sex have usually been 1.5-2 weeks apart, so I was hoping that the more regular it becomes the easier it will get. Even if it is my muscles not relaxed, with more practice I will learn to!

 

2) Yep, sounds like his condom is too tight. My boyfriend is 7'' and while we don't use condoms now, he is too big for "normal" ones. They do make larger condoms, you just have to look. I think the brand is "Skyn".

 

We will go and purchase larger condoms - I thought he was only average sized though so thought it was a bit strange the average condom is too tight for him, just a little concerned the larger ones could be not tight enough on his penis and slip off? Although I am on the pill we have agreed to use two forms of contraception to ensure more safety.

 

3) Do not do doggy style until sex is comfortable and without pain. You gotta trust me on this.

 

Thankyou! Although he likes the idea of it very much I'll make sure we put it off till it's completely comfortable.

[champagne69]

Doggy was the same for me. It took me a while to get "used" to it. Doggy is very deep so it may not be right for you just yet.

 

Well the last time we had sex, on the weekend, was the first time I was really on top, and he kept hitting my cervix, wasn't painful but definitely uncomfortable so I will avoid anything too deep for now such as doggy!

[Fudgie]

I would honestly try a variety of condoms. Make sure that the condom fits well on him but he can fit in fine and roll it down. The "red ring" on his penis from a condom is not supposed to happen but then again, a condom shouldn't be loose either.

[champagne69]

For a lot of women they don't 'break' completely the first time, it actually takes a few times to fully break the hymen. This could be case or as you said, your just tensing up in the beginning.

 

Sometimes positoing can be hard. With doggie I almost have to have my face in the bed and my lower back half really close to the bed but this aggrevates the crap out of my lower back and is uncomfortable after about 2 minutes. Just dn't rush it, it will come with time.

 

Thanks OG - I didn't really realise doggy was a harder position to get in to, my best friend lost her virginity in that position so I thought it must've been easier to get into - but apparently not! I will stick to what's easier and more accessable for now and enjoy what I can! As for the hymen situation, I know a lot of females break before they even have sex - but does the hymen always bleed when it breaks? Because I haven't bled once. But I'm sure my hymen has still been slowing tearing apart. I can easily take in the first couple of inches of his penis, its about 3 inches down he's wider and that's where the killer pain kicks in.

[OptomisticGirl]

Thanks OG - I didn't really realise doggy was a harder position to get in to, my best friend lost her virginity in that position so I thought it must've been easier to get into - but apparently not! I will stick to what's easier and more accessable for now and enjoy what I can! As for the hymen situation, I know a lot of females break before they even have sex - but does the hymen always bleed when it breaks? Because I haven't bled once. But I'm sure my hymen has still been slowing tearing apart. I can easily take in the first couple of inches of his penis, its about 3 inches down he's wider and that's where the killer pain kicks in.

 

I have been sexually active since I was 17 and it's STILL a hard position for me to get in, mostly due to my lower back problems. It could be your hymen has broken, it's just stretched. i bled when I lost my virginity but I have heard of girls hymens breaking before sex due to tampon use or horse back riding and such.

[CountryHGirl]

My bf and his ex had sex alot, but he said that he never came due to the fact that he had to go so slow and without alot of penetration because it would hurt for her. He took her virginity and they had sex once a week for about 6 months.

She is so tiny as you have said you are. IDK if that has anything to do with it.

 

As for the condom, try a larger size. This happens to my current bf though we dont use condoms anymore. When we did he could never ever reach his orgasm. Not once. When we would take it off it would look like his penis was suffocating HA! Not good.

[champagne69]

My bf and his ex had sex alot, but he said that he never came due to the fact that he had to go so slow and without alot of penetration because it would hurt for her. He took her virginity and they had sex once a week for about 6 months.

She is so tiny as you have said you are. IDK if that has anything to do with it.

 

Thanks for the idea but I don't think that's it because after a few minutes of my muscles accustomising to his size he can go as hard or as fast as he wants, he gets to the stage of orgasming so many times, but he says it's just like there's a blockage - odd, so a couple of times we eventually stopped and I finished him off another way, once the condom was actually fine and he came no problem, and the last time, he felt the blockage but eventually it happened. So who knows, but the condom does seem to be cutting off blood flow well at least leaving a red mark for hours later so we will invest in trying larger condoms!