So why would a chick....

[superfluousme]

... after 1.5 mos NC who is solidly in a rebound (and it is a rebound. Started 2 weeks post breakup when 2 days prior saying she couldn't live without me wanted to take things slow). Start texting you about things she says "reminds me of you" sending pics of the 1yr anniversary ring I got her. Telling me she misses me and worries about me. Then go completely dark again. I didn't play the needy card at all.. I'm old for that crap.

 

Now I don't have a facebook, but I did snoop (bad me! I need a spanking!). During that time those texts came in I did notice her profile pic changed from a pic of her and "just a friend" to just a pic of her, then back to the same pic of them a couple days later. I'm thinking maybe a little bump in a road... but that's just speculation.

 

I kept my cool and just playing the NIC card right now. Although I gotta say I was doing so well but this week is starting to depress me as I was going to propose to her next week on her birthday (she doesn't know I got a ring and everything was going to be a surprise). But I I'll get through it.

 

Why do I want her back. Not for the wrong reasons I do love this gal.. and it was a loving relationship. But I messed up in one area. I stopped shower her the love and attention that she needed from me because I was too damn focused on working hard to save up for the stupid ring. I stopped taking her out and showing her the affection I should have. I've had 2 months to reflect on these things and I want to to be new and different. But I guess time will tell... Anyways... What do yall think? Glimmer of hope? Or just some crumbs? Seemed somewhat genuine. I don't think you can downshift out of a relationship that fast.

[DN]

I think you should tell her that you got the ring and were going to propose. She may say she doesn't believe you but that doesn't matter.

[superfluousme]

I think you should tell her that you got the ring and were going to propose. She may say she doesn't believe you but that doesn't matter.

 

I was considering how to frame that, but seeing as how she is with the guy I don't think it would serve any purpose. But there may be a way to frame that into the next text forray. Been a week since she's last reached out... but I'm sure it's not the last. Only thing is... lol I have nothing to back it up now as I pawned it and spent everything redoing my apartment. At least my place is really sweet now.

[Awoken]

It's a tough situation. I am 4 weeks post BU. The last thing I told my ex was if she came back to me I would marry her and have kids with her (this was just one thing I know she wanted and I had said would never happen; I already have kids and my ex is only 21). I know she really felt my words were true, but she had already planned things out...she had met a guy over the past few weeks and is going to see him very soon (overseas). So, not much I can do either! And I guess now you have no proof either makes it even tougher.

 

Do you really want her back?

[PaintWithLight]

Wait. Take a breath. You are only in the early stages of NC and still do not have a big picture yet. If you think you guys broke up because you were too focused at work then you are kidding yourself. There had to be more issues than just than involved. From spying on her FB (bad idea since this counts as breaking NC) you see that she had other available guys around her. In fact, she is already comparing them to you in cheesy text messages. This girl had a LOT of other options.

 

Why were you in such a full court pressure to propose to her with the big ring and everything? Did you on some level feel that she was slipping away? You wanted to lock her under contract before she got too restless? It sounds like she was the dumper and you the dumpee, correct?

[DN]

I was considering how to frame that, but seeing as how she is with the guy I don't think it would serve any purpose. But there may be a way to frame that into the next text forray. Been a week since she's last reached out... but I'm sure it's not the last. Only thing is... lol I have nothing to back it up now as I pawned it and spent everything redoing my apartment. At least my place is really sweet now.

Unless you tell her she doesn't have all the information she should have.

[superfluousme]

Wait. Take a breath. You are only in the early stages of NC and still do not have a big picture yet. If you think you guys broke up because you were too focused at work then you are kidding yourself. There had to be more issues than just than involved. From spying on her FB (bad idea since this counts as breaking NC) you see that she had other available guys around her. In fact, she is already comparing them to you in cheesy text messages. This girl had a LOT of other options.

 

Why were you in such a full court pressure to propose to her with the big ring and everything? Did you on some level feel that she was slipping away? You wanted to lock her under contract before she got too restless? It sounds like she was the dumper and you the dumpee, correct?

Yeah I am the dumpee. This just a friend guy was a guy her grandmother introduced her to at her cousins wedding. They were "official" a week later, so two weeks after we split.

 

No it wasn't at all that I felt the need to lock her down. I was very much progressing to that point.

 

I don't blame my work on it all. I blame the fact that I was stressed out working a lot and I stopped showing her the affection and love that I used to, it wasn't non existent, it was just deeper in my opinion. I also let things get boring and routine as she said it, and she was right, I stopped going out as much with her, except for going out to eat every night, but not so much fun anymore. It was always the same, chill at home watch a movie together go to sleep. Thats not exciting! Bottom line is she lost the attraction to me because I became too predictable and routine.

 

I did start to feel it slip away the last few weeks before the breakup. I noticed her slipping away. She was having a rough time with family stuff and started getting really depressed. She already suffered from bad depression and does not take her meds for it. She comes from an emotionally detached and unloving family and some things her somewhat estranged dad said to her really sent her down. She started talking about suicide and just detached from a lot of things.

[Thorshammer]

Are you serious... no disrespect... but what kind of wife will she make?

 

I mean, how much did you neglect her? Unless you were a complete jerk, I dont see why someone should leave, hook up with someone right away, then string you along when the other guy is uncooperative. Do you have enough respect for her to not do that to her? Why does she get a free pass? She seems selfish and spoiled. You saw evidence that she was reaching out and pulling away as if you were an object (bravo that you did what you did to find out the truth, forget gospel nc rules that people make up, you do what you can get to get answers, nothing wrong about that).

 

You love someone and care for them, you dont have to shower them with it. I am sure it was no surprise you were working more hours- in a wife, you want commitment and loyalty, not someone who seeks an exit when things get rough (what if your job made you work more, or something else happened that it was take away your time from her?), and to top it off she gets with a new guy.

 

I would wait it out. I think you need an explanation from her for why she is acting this way. Unless you acted like a jerk, or she thought you were cheating, then i dont see how the punishment fits the crime (unless you are missing a whole part of the story that you arent telling us).

[Thorshammer]

I did start to feel it slip away the last few weeks before the breakup. I noticed her slipping away. She was having a rough time with family stuff and started getting really depressed. She already suffered from bad depression and does not take her meds for it. She comes from an emotionally detached and unloving family and some things her somewhat estranged dad said to her really sent her down. She started talking about suicide and just detached from a lot of things.

 

Oh, so she has issues. My ex was the same, always chasing happiness in the expense even if she had to step on your face to get it, all because she wanted to avoid depression, she needed that distraction, not something that kept her in a place where she kept feeling it. My ex left for the same reasons yours did, expect she left me for new friends (and the single party-lifestyle these friends have to offer, i dont know if it was a guy, but either way, she is not looking cute to me right now).

 

I guess this explains her behavior. I dont think you being "comfortable and boring" fits the crime. She doesnt get the golden treatment with her behavior. I cant, nor anyone cant try to understand what she went through, but warranted or not, it still spells instability and chaos, if you seek a safe commitment to someone.

[superfluousme]

I hear what you are saying. Well I can definitely tell you I was never a jerk, or treated her with disrespect. I actually can't recall us ever having a fight or argument at all. I can only remember one time about 3 months into the relationship I said something that hurt her feelings and I apologized for it bought her flowers and took her out that night. It was over something so small I honestly don't even remember.

 

Although in all honesty I almost wish I was a bit of a jerk at times because being the calm level headed guy hasn't seemed to get me anywhere in life. Actually it just leads to me getting walked all over. But I am actually growing a thicker backbone this time around.

[superfluousme]

Yeah I guess I could add she's always had self esteem issues. I mean when I met her she was curvy.. Not fat. Shes only 5'1 was 130 lbs. At the end she was 186. Despite me always telling her regularly how she was beautiful and I felt she was sexy she just didn't feel it about her self. She told me this a couple days before jumping into it with this guy.

 

Now I still think she's attractive, I mean I like a chick with a little extra as long as she's not like Shamoo fat. But what blows me away is this guy she's with is thin, very attractive compared to her (that sounds harsh I say that), but my point is it kinda trips me out because in my opinion I don't think a lot of guys out there are chasers. I'm a chaser. But that's probably a moot point.

[toby17]

I think they had a hiccup and she missed you but now it's probably over.

Relationships have up and downs and a girl who can't last a short period of neglect isn't someone you want to rely on. The relationship's not yours alone to hold together. What did she do to support you while you were stressed, show you affection, communicate that she felt neglected? I think you're trying to make sense if the break up but she moved on to someone else far too soon.

Do you think you'll feel secure being back in a relationship with her if you feel like you can't ever relax and take it easy, or that she came back just because you said you were going to marry her - because would she be coming back to you or because she wanted to get married?

[Ms Darcy]

I think there are PLENTY of curvy or heavier girls who would love to be with you.

 

Honestly, with all that depression stuff and self-esteem issues, I really think she would be a terrible wife. I hope you heal from this and look for an emotionally healthy partner.

[superfluousme]

You know it's funny in reflecting back on this relationship. One of the things in the end she said was "it feels like were just friends. I don't feel the spark anymore" And thats a huge thing that I've had with all these girls. They think that the "spark" lasts forever, or it should. And when it goes away they jump to someone else (like in this case). I don't understand why so many young girls are this way... but every girl I've been with has been this way.

 

One thing I noticed about her was all her relationships have lasted only around 6 months, and she would get dumped. So I guess she was always stuck in the honeymoon phase when it ended for her. And I've actually been her longest lasting relationship, which transitioned out of the honeymoon phase, and I'm the only guy she's ever dumped. Makes me think she was probably expecting that fairytale romance to last a lifetime.

 

Well I guess only time will tell if the pattern repeats herself and she finds herself dumped in another 4 months or so. I mean would it be a pretty good indicator that since she's always been dumped after about 6 months by every guy except me indicate that that's probably be the way the future will roll? By the way the girl in question is only 20 about to turn 21 next week.

[winniethepooh]

So why would a chick....

... after 1.5 mos NC who is solidly in a rebound (and it is a rebound. Started 2 weeks post breakup when 2 days prior saying she couldn't live without me wanted to take things slow). Start texting you about things she says "reminds me of you" sending pics of the 1yr anniversary ring I got her. Telling me she misses me and worries about me. Then go completely dark again. I didn't play the needy card at all.. I'm old for that crap.

Maybe she's ready to exit the rebound and is looking for a landing spot. Maybe you're it because she realises what she had with you was great. Maybe because she can't find anyone else to land on just yet. Then goes dark because the rebound has improved.

 

Given what else you said about previous relationships, sounds like she's very flaky. Are you sure you want to marry her?