mindless08 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 My boyfriend's best friend is in the military, and is home for the first time in over a year. Tonight is his last night home, and then he will be gone for another 8 months. I know that my boyfriend has been kind of upset about not getting to see him a lot while he's here and about last time he was home not getting to spend a lot of time with him. We were at his house with some of his family, but our son was getting cranky and we were supposed to babysit his neice and nephew so he said let's get going. His friend seemed upset that he was leaving. My boyfriend kept making excuses, like I dont want you to have the kids alone, or I wont have a ride, when I offered to take the baby home and watch the other kids while he stayed with his friend. I thought he was only doing this because he felt bad that I had to leave and he got to stay and hang out...he's told me in the past that he felt bad going out and doing things if I wasn't going. So I told him to stay and hang out, and I left with the baby...thinking I was doing something good and helping him. He said "I dont even get to really hang out with him because he has to see his family, but now I have to stay. So thank you." Now he's mad and won't answer me when I texted to apologize. Was I wrong to do this for him? Does he really have a reason to treat me like this? I was only trying to help him. I thought he would want to stay and be with his friend. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 I really don't understand what you are trying to say here..can you explain it better?...chi Link to comment
mindless08 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 I offered to stay home with our son so that he could hang out with a friend of his who is in the military, so he almost never sees him. Now because I did this, he is mad at me because he didnt want to stay at his friends house, but he never told me this. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Ok. Now I understand. I don't understand why your husband is so upset. This was just a misunderstanding. Did you explain to your husband that you were only doing what you thought he wanted?...chi Link to comment
mindless08 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 yes and he said that he would have told me if he wanted to stay and that I shouldve known. When I was on the phone with him, I heard him yell "shotgun" and then someone asked where they were going "to 2nd ave, or 4th ave". When I left he told me that he'd be at his friends house for dinner with his family. I dont care that he's out doing whatever, but I hate that he lies to me, and I know he goes out just because he's mad at me. Then he said he'd call me later for a ride and said goodbye. He didn't hang up so I didn't either, waiting to see if he had something else to say, and he screamed..."F'ing hang up!" Then I texted him apologizing again and apologizing for calling and he said that he didn't want to be bothered. I dont know what to do, and dont understand what I did wrong. If I tell him this, I know he'll just say I should know what I did. The fight will go on until I apologize up and down and he eventually ignores me for a while and then decides to forgive me. I dont understand. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 I think that when your bf was making excuses, he was making them to the friend and not to you. And you left him in the lurch. It's his own fault for not being more assertive in leaving though. I can see why you'd do what you did. Link to comment
mindless08 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 I understand that, but I dont understand why he needed to treat me the way that he is, or what to do so that he's not mad at me anymore. He said he'd call in a "little while" for me to come get him, but now its 9pm, and I'm here with 3 cranky kids who want to go to sleep but are going to have to get up for me to go get him and whatever time he decides to come home. He's only staying out doing who knows what because he's mad at me, but I dont believe I did anything wrong. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 yes and he said that he would have told me if he wanted to stay and that I shouldve known. So now you are supposed to be a mindreader?? He is behaving very unrationally and I would not wake the kids up to take them with you to pick him up. I would ignore any phone calls that he makes to you right now. him find his own way home...chi Link to comment
mindless08 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 He said that he will have his friend drive him home. He's going out and doing god knows what because he's mad at me, and I'm supposed to sit here all night with the kids that he agreed to babysit while he's out with his friends doing whatever he wants with whoever he wants. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Is this the first time he has done something like this? It appears as though he is making up a reason to be mad at you so he can do what he want to do. What do you think?.....chi Link to comment
mindless08 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 He doesn't go out. ever. but him getting mad at me for things like this happens probably more often then it should. Now I dont know where he is, when hes coming home. And I'm worried. I guess I dont feel like I can trust him when he's in a mood like this. Which also bothers me. Link to comment
mindless08 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 ............... Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 He said that he will have his friend drive him home. He's going out and doing god knows what because he's mad at me, and I'm supposed to sit here all night with the kids that he agreed to babysit while he's out with his friends doing whatever he wants with whoever he wants. Has he ever cheated on you in the past? Link to comment
chitown9 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 He doesn't go out. ever. but him getting mad at me for things like this happens probably more often then it should. Now I dont know where he is, when hes coming home. And I'm worried. I guess I dont feel like I can trust him when he's in a mood like this. Which also bothers me. He is doing this so when he come back you will be so relieved that you won't question what he has been doing during this time lapse. Don't worry. He will be back. And when he comes home he is going to tell you a lot of nonsense. How you will deal with him then is up to you. However, I would like to make a suggestion to you if you don't mind. I would tell him that his behavior is totally unacceptable to you and that you will not tolerate a reoccurence...chi Link to comment
thejigsup Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 You sure picked yourself a peach, honey. How old is he? Five? If you didn't have kids together I would tell you to leave because he will be in control of everything if you let this go on. But, you have kids so you are stuck with him. Good luck with that. Link to comment
Mauxly Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 His behavior is out of control. And it is painful and confusing to you. However, men are pretty inadequate at expressing what's really going on with them internally. His best friend is in the military. Is it safe to assume that he's headed to a war zone? Could it be that your boyfriend is frustrated by the fact that he misses his buddy, and anxious over the danger he's going to be in? This can cause a whole lot of emotional turmoil that men tend to stuff deep down inside so they don't have to deal with it. Unfortunately all of that gunk winds out coming out sideways and spraying other people. It's not ok. But maybe step back and not take it personally. He's suffering and he's at a loss as to what to do about it so he semi self destructs. When he comes home be calm and compassionate. Don't engage a fight. Give him time to work through his feelings. A few days or so. And then, when the time is right, tell him in a loving but stern way that you know he was struggling with stuff, but that he isn't allowed to treat you that way. And that you will work with him on better solutions when he's feeling stressed. Link to comment
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