Opinions on friends reaction to wedding

[icstarz11]

Not sure what heading was beast to put this under.

I have recently gotten engaged to a guy I have been dating for 6 years, living together for 1 year. This will be my first and hopefully only marriage. We have an extremely stable, loving relationship and everyone we know is happy for us.

 

BUT, i have this one co-worker who i guess you could kind of call my friend. I'm not sure what to label her. She, on multiple occasions, has told me that a wedding is not important and no one really cares about going. Her exact words were "Peope don't really want to go to your wedding." It kind of threw me off a little. I'm not usually one to take people's opinions to heart, but why on earth would anyone tell someone that?

 

My thoughts are that she might be jealous, considering she is 34 and never been married, but has expressed the want for kids and marriage. But she says when she does get engaged, she is going to the justice of the peace and thats exactly what i should do. Am i the only person who thinks this is rude?

 

This is more than likely the only wedding I will ever have in my life, why wouldn't I want an actual wedding?

[Batya33]

I don't think this co-worker is a friend of yours. There will always be people who say rude, insensitive things and you just have to ignore them. I would say "thank you for your input and if I need more input about my wedding planning from you I'll let you know, ok?" You have to be civil to her since she is your co-worker. And I probably would avoid talking in detail about your plans for your wedding day at work - in my experience people at work can feel like they're a captive audience -they have to listen even if they're bored or apathetic -and even if they're happy for you but are not into the wedding planning details.

My guess is she was venting about your wedding and her single status to someone at work who replied in a half joking way that weddings aren't important, she took it to heart and is gleefully spreading the word to you. What a witch. Don't mention your wedding or plans or anything about your relationship again to this person, IMO.

 

One more thing - I had an actual wedding with my immediate family present -you mean you want an actual wedding reception, right? I'd just be careful especially with your rude co-worker about suggesting that someone who doesn't have a wedding reception didn't have an "actual wedding".

[icstarz11]

When I said actual wedding, I meant with the dress and the bridesmaids and the bouquet toss. I should have worded that differently and apologize if it came off in an insensitive way. That was not what I meant at all.

 

I have actually kept my mouth shut about it when she's around with the exception of yesterday when she asked why i was taking Friday off of work. I should have lied, lol. I told her My mom and I were going to check out a venue. She rolled her eyes and said I should think about justice of the peace again. And that was the entire conversation. Not once did I ask for a response, yet I got one. I guess I learned my lesson.

[Batya33]

When I said actual wedding, I meant with the dress and the bridesmaids and the bouquet toss. I should have worded that differently and apologize if it came off in an insensitive way. That was not what I meant at all.

 

I have actually kept my mouth shut about it when she's around with the exception of yesterday when she asked why i was taking Friday off of work. I should have lied, lol. I told her My mom and I were going to check out a venue. She rolled her eyes and said I should think about justice of the peace again. And that was the entire conversation. Not once did I ask for a response, yet I got one. I guess I learned my lesson.

 

Right -no sharing of personal details. No need to lie either -just say "I won't be here because I have an appointment" which is true. If she asks for more details just smile nicely and say "it's an appointment. nice day we're having, yes?"

I understand that you want a party with a dress/bridesmaids - you should have whatever you want on your wedding day of course but since your co-worker was reacting so badly I was wondering if you were differentiating between people like me who had a wedding with a dress, a few guests and lunch and what you want and calling one "actual" and the other somehow not a real wedding - that could trigger a bad reaction from others even though you didn't mean it that way.

[RedDress]

Ahhh... she's just a Debbie Downer.

 

I like going to friends weddings. We all get to dress up, free food, dancing, drinking, laughing... it's a big party and a very special day for them. Why wouldn't I want to go to that? So... her statement is wrong.

 

Don't worry about it. She'll figure out she's wrong when and if she ever gets married and people are on her butt about why she's not having a wedding and their noses are all out of joint.

 

You know her opinion now... so just act accordingly.

[camus154]

I must be more confrontational than most, but I wouldn't tailor my discussions of a wedding to suit one particular person who had an apparent bug up the bum about it. I'd call her out on it--nothing particularly nasty, but something like "What's your deal with weddings? This is important to me and even if you don't think it's a big deal, could you respect the fact that it is to me?" 9 times out of 10 when you call people out they'll do a sudden about-face.

[annony]

I don't feel the need for weddings either.

However this just means that I'm not about to have one, doesn't mean that I won't be happy for people that decide getting married is important to them!

I agree with other's she is just a Debbie Downer.

Some people feel like they are doing others a favour by pointing out negative aspects of things...seriously, some of these people believe they are helping!

[Batya33]

I must be more confrontational than most, but I wouldn't tailor my discussions of a wedding to suit one particular person who had an apparent bug up the bum about it. I'd call her out on it--nothing particularly nasty, but something like "What's your deal with weddings? This is important to me and even if you don't think it's a big deal, could you respect the fact that it is to me?" 9 times out of 10 when you call people out they'll do a sudden about-face.

 

I wouldn't risk being confrontational like that at work.

[RedDress]

I'd call her out on it--nothing particularly nasty, but something like "What's your deal with weddings? This is important to me and even if you don't think it's a big deal, could you respect the fact that it is to me?" 9 times out of 10 when you call people out they'll do a sudden about-face.

 

I wouldn't risk being confrontational like that at work.

 

Yeah... it's not really a work-related topic. The co-worker shouldn't be forced to listen to personal stuff that he/she doesn't really care about, either.

[camus154]

I don't know, I think people tip-toe around things way too much instead of just taking the direct and mature approach. Someone is repeatedly rude to you and they're supposedly a friend, why would you be so timid in simply addressing it? It doesn't have to be some huge explosive thing. This coworker may not even realize how she's coming off. But, again, that's just me.

[Batya33]

I don't know, I think people tip-toe around things way too much instead of just taking the direct and mature approach. Someone is repeatedly rude to you and they're supposedly a friend, why would you be so timid in simply addressing it? It doesn't have to be some huge explosive thing. This coworker may not even realize how she's coming off. But, again, that's just me.

 

I think tiptoeing can be a very mature way of dealing with a situation like this involving a coworker. It's called diplomacy and keeping the peace. I think she'll stop being rude if the OP stops talking about her wedding plans to her. My guess is that if the coworker didn't mean to make that impression by her comments then she's so socially clueless that having it pointed out to her will just put her on the defensive. I think she knows full well what her eye rolling and comments mean.