Did i scare him away?

[road2recovery]

I have been talking to this guy here and there for the past few months. He always tells me how he really likes me and how he can really see his self dating me. He tells me he's never met anyone like me. When we are together we really enjoy each others company. He recently told my friend that he really likes me, but he was gonna back off. He says he isn't ready to settle down and he doesn't want to hurt me. I don't understand why he told her and not me. I've never brought up dating or getting serious to him. He always brings this topic up. I really enjoy his friendship and would like for us to remain friends. Did I do something to scare him away? Has he found someone new? Does he really like me or is he trying to let me down easy?

[LaKings55]

Nope, he's likely just playing the field. Always remember, words are meaningless. They cost nothing and they can manipulate others. What do his actions tell you? Has he made an advances? Has he actually asked you out? No? Then he's just not into it. And if he's not into it, then you two are incompatible anyway, so he's actually doing you a favor by not asking you out.

[Ms Darcy]

Talk to him and ask him. If you want a relationship, tell him this. If you don't ... well tell him that too.

[tyr72]

He told your friend because he knew it would get back to you without him actually having to talk to you himself. Everything he told her is probably exactly true. That he took that tactic to get you the message does show a disappointing lack of cojones on his part.

[abitbroken]

How did you know what he told your friend? Also, did you make it clear that you are looking for a serious relationship/looking for a future husband if not to him, you made it clear to your friends? If he is not ready to meet "the one" and feels as if you are, it is fair to not want to date you. I would not go on what your friend told you because sometimes friends have other motives for telling us things, and I would just deal with the guy yourself. I mean, she could have pressed him and been very forward and pressuring him for an answer if he thought you were the one, etc. And then he responded with that to get everyone to back off. I would just enjoy his company if you have gone out or had a pizza together, etc, and let it be just that and get to know him and decide for yourselves what this is. But I would continue to accept dates from others. BTW, it is not usual for a guy to say that he has never met anyone else like you before he even dates you. My big fear would be triangulation. You might not want to be with someone who confides in your friends rather than you about you.

 

What I would not do is when you run into him say "let's just be friends" because you don't know what really was said or what was on his mind. Just pretend you don't know what the friend said if its even true and just be a friend unless the two of you clearly decide otherwise and then you talk about what each of you are looking for to eachotherl

[LaKings55]

Talk to him and ask him. If you want a relationship, tell him this. If you don't ... well tell him that too.

 

Not that I'm opposed to honesty. I really wish folks would just be honest with each other, but unfortunately, honesty usually comes accross as desperation. Telling a girl "I really like you" or saying "I want a relationship" tend to come accross as desperate for affection. In the early stages of dating, after actually having dated someone it's good to let them know you're looking for a LTR, rather than just a fling, so you can find out if you're both on the same page. But this guy seems legitimately lacking in interest. I personally think he's just to say "I don't want to date or have a relationship" by trying to dance around it with "I don't want to settle down, I want to be friends, I still really like you" etc. I've seen guys use it before, and it usually means I don't want a relationship, I want more notches in my belt. Like I said, words are cheap, actions show true intent. His actions are lacking of any desire, so I say forget him, walk away, and find someone who actually does have interest in you.