Needy People..

[Dougie_D]

Oh, since we are on the youtube roll... and for all those people that think I shouldn't shave.... This is when I was a FRESHMEN in COLLEGE. I looked like this in highschool.

 

Notice my double chin?

 

Please excuse the fact that I'm not a good singer... I don't sing. This band and even the song was created in a week. Practiced in a week. All the college radio people go into it though. Yes, if you start to wonder... the drummer is in a pretty successful band now who plays bass.

 

 

[Generation]

 

I'm a CAPRICORN.

 

Cool, what kind of Capricorn-like things do you do?

[Dubb]

Oh, since we are on the youtube roll... and for all those people that think I shouldn't shave.... This is when I was a FRESHMEN in COLLEGE. I looked like this in highschool.

 

Notice my double chin?

 

Please excuse the fact that I'm not a good singer... I don't sing. This band and even the song was created in a week. Practiced in a week. All the college radio people go into it though. Yes, if you start to wonder... the drummer is in a pretty successful band now who plays bass.

 

]

 

If you're not happy with how you look why not work on it? Join weight watchers.. TBH i know guys in far worse positions than you physically and they manage to get girls. I think your confidence is just destroyed. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, take yourself more serious and start working on a better you.

[johnnyp]

^^^^Exactly!

 

• Hit the gym
  
• Do loads of cardio and weights
  
• Eat healthier
  
• Spend time watching WHY your friends get the girls and you don't
  
• ASK your friends how they do it and get them to wing-man for you - if they're THAT good looking and charming, they should be good at it
  
• Focus on your strengths to build your confidence
  
• Write the list of your good points, then read it every day and add to it
  
• As you get slimmer and stronger, your confidence will build on its own
  
• Buy yourself new clothes, get a new haircut..whatever it takes to feel good
  
• Read self-help books on building confidence and attracting people
  

 

Your looks have nothing to do with it. Your double chin won't stop you getting women if you have self-confidence, charm, strength and charisma. Like another poster said, your posts are filled with bitterness, anger, desperation and self-pity so there's no way that you won't be projecting that in real life.

 

You get SO much good advice here dude and yet the next day you're back here asking the same questions and talking about how ugly you are and how no women like you. The only way to change things is to CHANGE THINGS! Sorry if I'm sounding harsh, but you clearly need to turn the car around and try a new road and self-pity will just create more self-pity and will never attract people.

 

The irony is, your post is talking about needy people, when you're clearly showing signs of neediness in what you say in your posts. In your next post, I'd love to hear which of the great tips you've been given here at ENA you've tried and how they've failed. Then maybe people here (myself included) can give you more tips. Also, why not write a long list right here of all your good points - physical, emotional, personal, career-wise - everything! It'd be a good start.

[johnnyp]

And I know one guy in particular that's popular, outgoing, has loads of friends, is tall, strong, has no trouble making friends and has a great career and a really interesting life and yet he's been single for more than fifteen years. No dates, no sex...nothing! The reason? He's got zero sexual-charisma...he's just a really nice guy that is completely unable to create sexual chemistry with women. He doesn't just fall into the friend zone...he IS the friend zone.

 

It seems that you and him both have the same issue...you both need to learn HOW to create sexual tension and chemistry. And you can't do it just be being a nice, friendly guy...you need to get cockier, more confident in your masculinity, more sure of YOUR value rather than always making HER the prize, and also learn how to get women to pursue you, not the other way around.

 

I don't agree with all that Generation has said here, but some of his points are right on the money. Give them a try!

[Dougie_D]

Cool, what kind of Capricorn-like things do you do?

 

Huh? Have no idea. I know we over-analyze things.

 

ASK your friends how they do it and get them to wing-man for you - if they're THAT good looking and charming, they should be good at it

 

They have tried but it ends up working in their favor and then my friends say "Sorry, I just had to take that opportunity, you know?"

 

Write the list of your good points, then read it every day and add to it

 

Wouldn't be better for other people to write these for me? What are considered GOOD points? I'm friendly, that's about it.

 

Everyone tells me to hit the gym. It's obvious that people don't read the fact that I HAVE BEEN! haha! Is this a good point?

 

you're clearly showing signs of neediness in what you say in your posts

 

The needy I was talking about is the neediness to NOT go out in public alone. Like seriously, that bugs me. People can't eat out unless they find someone. That's so weird to me. Now, if I find out that people ALWAYS laugh at me, then maybe I do need to find someone to go out with.

 

SEXUAL-CHARISMA: What is that? This is probably what I need to work on the most. I feel uncomfortable trying to touch girls. In my past, whenever I went for a hug or to hold their hands or put my arm around them, the girls would freak out and say "don't touch me"...SO I will only touch a girl or rub shoulder to shoulder until she touches me the same. I girl didn't allow me to hug her until I was 16.

 

It's kind of makes me feel * * * * ty sometimes. Apparrently I give GREAT back massages, because I got strong hands. My MOM enjoys them and my buddies in a band enjoys them when they need me to loosen them up before a gig...BUT when my buddies go to a girl "My buddy Doug gives great massages, you should ask for one," THe girl goes NO, that's alright, I only want one from you. That just means she doesn't want me touch her, even though I am probably better at it.

 

I'm cool with it. I just wait until the girl wants to be touched. Is that a BIG deal?

[Alezia]

I will be downright honest with you, since a video gives me more to work with than the few pictures I've seen of you in the past.

 

I am putting myself in the highschool * * * * * frame of mind, just so I can give you the best critique. It's going to come off as downright cruel, but this is how it seems to me if I was this 'cute girl' looking at you.

 

You have a really bad combination of things working against you. While you don't need to meet every single item off this list, and I expect every guy to fail at least at one point, when you have all of them... well,... I can see perhaps why you are having more difficulty.

 

• Overweight (While I love muscles, I don't mind a skinny guy either)
  
• Unkempt shaggy hair
  
• Your teeth seem yellow (could be just due to the video)
  
• Your clothes make your weight situation worst. They're baggy and they don't flatter you at all.
  
• Either get rid of your glasses and wear contacts, or get something that gives character.
  
• You have zero style. Your clothes are so generic and figure unflattering that it makes you seem more overweight than you probably are.
  
• You seem like you are desperate for attention - the class clown type of figure, but that's not backed up by substance or sex appeal. You just want to be so out there and in your face, and the call out to ladies -eugh I don't know. I may just prefer geekier boys I guess. You don't see any other of your guy friends go down to their boxes and wiggle around. I mean, the image you are projecting is not helping.
  

If you look at someone like Patrick Stump (lead signer of fall out boy), people choose to constantly evolve. Even when he was overweight, he could have somewhat of an appeal since he was clean, and exuded some style. I find him more attractive now that he's lost weight, although he's almost too skinny now. I also prefer him without the shaggy hair and sideburns, but that's I guess more of a personal preference. If you look at his at first glance though, he still has some sex appeal even if he's not 100% my type.

 

You can start by just going to the store and copying an outfit off of the mannequin. I know it's not really style, but if it's nicely fitted and gives you more of a vibe, then it may just change people's initial perceptions. Get yourself a professional hair cut, and ask your stylist how to maintain it.

[Generation]

Huh? Have no idea. I know we over-analyze things.

Cool stuff, what do you over-analyze?

 

Anyhow, I don't really believe in astrology or anything like that but we all are interested in it sometimes. The reason I brought that up is it can be used as an opener. Just go up to her, be like sup, how's your night, what's your sign.

[Polis]

Dougie_D, I read all your posts and, to me, it appears that you have a very invasive personality and have no idea how to converse casually. By invasive personality I mean you go and talk to a girl, probably seem way to excited and exhume a "fake" confidence trying to create a conversation with no topic just to be able to talk to a girl. Essentially when you talk to a girl, like you posted earlier, you're reaching for straws instead of coming in with something to talk about. You need real confidence. Hitting on every girl at the bar does no good, it makes you look like you are desperately seeking attention and that you don't really try to talk to a girl, or anyone for that matter, with an interest beyond getting attention or laid. It's off-putting when I see these type of people in bars, even the rare women that chats up everyone in the bar and thinks everyone wants to be their friend.

 

On top of that, I saw you in that video and have to echo what Alezia said, fix your look! Looks count. You don't need to be perfectly fit but please wear clothes that are better fitted, get a hair cut and change your glasses or wear clothes that match your glasses. You mentioned before you dress how other people in your "scene" dress, but I didn't see anyone with as baggy clothes as you had on in that video. I'm a guy and if I saw you in a bar hopping from person to person, wearing what you wore in the vieo, I would definitely be raising an eyebrow and thinking you were a creeper. I frequent a few music scene bars, indie rock type places, and people can definitely dress in that style and not have to wear baggy clothes.

 

I have a friend who has a similar frustrating with women, he's short, over-weight and over-zealous. He has had g/f's before because he is confident and knows his short comings. When we go out drinking he will hit on tons of girls, ones that interest him, but he has things to talk about. If anything he can get a girl to talk to him for a while even if it leads no where, sometimes he just brings up a random topic.

 

Anyway, if bars and entertainment venues aren't working out do what others have said, join a group. No offense, but complaining on this forum isn't going to fix anything. You have oodles of feedback, go use it.

[Generation]

Also, I weighed about 150 lbs. I'm 5'6. That's pretty average I believe for my height

 

According to BMI index, that's 24.2 which is close to overweight. Though BMI is pretty flawed because it doesn't take into account body fat vs. muscle mass.

 

I did a funny rap... I've been doing this rap since middle school. It's something that I do. Yeah, people laugh at me probably but they have to know that it's a joke, right?!

 

I used to freestyle rap back in high school too. That's good though cause it's a creative way to joke around and be fun when you get to know women better. I'm sure they'll know it's a joke.

 

 

What do you do at the gym? Do you have a routine?

List all of the things you do, the amount of time, days you go, and different muscles or type of work outs you do.

 

SEXUAL-CHARISMA: What is that? This is probably what I need to work on the most. I feel uncomfortable trying to touch girls. In my past, whenever I went for a hug or to hold their hands or put my arm around them, the girls would freak out and say "don't touch me"...SO I will only touch a girl or rub shoulder to shoulder until she touches me the same. I girl didn't allow me to hug her until I was 16.

 

I'll give you my insight on what I think sexual charisma is.

 

First, looks. Looks matter a lot. You gotta take care of yourself physically. Also matters what you wear and your hygiene. I've had my bad days where I would rush outta the house, skip shower, skip shaving, skip brushing my teeth, wore an XL shirt cause it was right there (I usually wear a S) and nothing matches and my appearance will take a nose dive. I ran into the hottest girl from my high school, and we talked on the train but the entire time, we were distanced and she offered me gum. Took that as a hint my breath stinks.

 

Fast forward some months later, I had the time in the morning to brush my teeth, dress nice, shower, shave, do my hair, and I ran into her again. She touched me so much with like hugs and hand on lap and that kinda stuff, laughed, so into the conversation this time. I was able to put my arm around her momentarily and playfully and touch her too, even though she has a boyfriend.

That experience made me realize never be a slob for a single moment ever again. Never know who you'll run into.

 

I think looks are like 70% of attraction and charm. The 30% comes from inner confidence and having 'game' which can be a quick fix as opposed to looks which takes more dedication and effort. Takes confidence to put your arm around a girl or even butt check them, I usually wait for a hint from them, usually they'll make the first move. In pictures too, you can tell when someone's got confidence and when someone doesn't. You look at their hand and you'll see it's like... awkward looking. I'd show you a picture if I could, but I can't expose anyone.

 

It's kind of makes me feel * * * * ty sometimes. Apparrently I give GREAT back massages, because I got strong hands. My MOM enjoys them and my buddies in a band enjoys them when they need me to loosen them up before a gig...BUT when my buddies go to a girl "My buddy Doug gives great massages, you should ask for one," THe girl goes NO, that's alright, I only want one from you. That just means she doesn't want me touch her, even though I am probably better at it.

Gotta work on your looks for sure then. I give good massages too, got three of my friends to take their pants off for me (guys, no, it wasn't sexual). Got another friend recommended me to a girl, and that girl ended up being my FWB for a while. I think you just gotta look a certain way if they'll want you to look at them at their most exposed. Same goes for me, I've gone for professional massages and when they were old ladies, I had a harder time relaxing than when it was a young attractive woman, even though nothing sexual was gonna take place.

[johnnyp]

Wouldn't be better for other people to write these for me?

 

Dude, the point of the list is so that YOU can focus on your good points, to build your confidence. If you can't write your own list, how can you start to feel better about yourself?

 

SEXUAL-CHARISMA: What is that?

 

As for this, it has nothing to do with touching a woman. It's all about having confidence in your sexuality, being very comfortable in the company of the opposite sex and being able to flirt with and compliment the opposite sex, without ever losing your cool and crossing the line into looking too keen. It's about knowing how to attract someone and how to say the right thing at exactly the right time....basically, being able to start the fire of attraction in someone and then get it burning so hot that they run after YOU and you can just sit back and let it happen.

 

It's a self-assured-ness that shows people that you're the prize and that you don't care whether they think so or not, while at the same being very charming, open and warm...while maintaining just enough aloofness that once you've caught their attention, they're going so crazy thinking "Is he/she into me or am I imagining it?" that they go out of their way to chase YOU, instead of the other way around. Think Will Smith in Hitch, George Clooney in the Ocean's movies and Brad Pitt in pretty much everything he's been in.

 

It's great that you're already hitting the gym and you've got SOOOO much great advice here from both men and women that you've got shed-loads of gems that will help you change things around for yourself. You've just got to start learning, understanding and applying them.

[Dougie_D]

You mentioned before you dress how other people in your "scene" dress, but I didn't see anyone with as baggy clothes as you had on in that video

 

I probably confused you then. I don't ever dress the same as my "scene". If anything, I tried to dress preppy.

 

Also, the rap video was in COLLEGE. After college, I believe I started wearing blue jeans which helped. I am always working on my wardrobe.

 

I'm going to make a CURRENT video through my computer today. I HAVE been saying my STYLE is my weakness. I don't know how to fix it if know one tells me it looks bad. So thank you for taking the time!

 

you have a very invasive personality and have no idea how to converse casually

 

So, what's the best way to fix my personality???

 

Also, I LEARN things by DOING them. I can get feedback and apply the information but I still get the feeling I mess up somewhere. I'm a "hands on" learner. I need people to be in the field with me. What sucks is...whenever I have a friend that wants to "wingman", I think they use me just to make themselves look better. Most of the time, he'll get the number for himself or the girl is so stuck on him it doesn't matter what I say to her.

 

I am trying guys! I've done a lot of these suggestions! It

[tiredofvampires]

It seems to me you keep ignoring the right answers in order to keep asking the wrong questions.

 

The one suggestion you are consistently not taking is getting more involved with more activities.

 

I know it sounds like some pat answer that posters pull up as canned advice.

 

But I see a lot of your problem as stemming from the fact that you are not generating opportunities to expand your horizons (more cliches, but true ones). When you do this, you take your focus off the question of how you are coming off to women, and putting the attention on creating situations where you'll have material to work from that doesn't involve the pre-requisite of your walking in as a ready-made Don Juan. Because that's not going to just magically happen. You're looking for a jackpot here, and there is no such thing.

 

I think you should see your attempts with women in a much more indirect way, because the direct way hasn't been working, has it? So you can either bash your head against that same wall again and again, or you can take an entirely different tack and see if it doesn't change the game. I think the tips the guys give you here are all spot-on, but they presuppose you can don a certain persona when it's not within you to don -- and these attributes can't be artificially concocted. They have to grow as a result of your growing confidence and versatility in different situations.

 

So GIVE yourself the different situations, and the chance to do something that will build who you are inside. Yes, I agree with all the external tips you're getting about clothing and style and managing your weight. Those all matter. But that's not going to "cure" your problem.

 

The video you showed is not current, and therefore we can't base much on it. Also, I wouldn't take a video where the objective is to act as goofy as you possibly can as representative of your normal manner in casual social settings -- unless this is how you actually act. If so, I'd think of that as pretty sophomoric and immature for a man your age, and only under circumstances where I already knew you had more substance to you and had a more complete appreciation for who you are, would I laugh along with that instead of roll my eyes and think "god, grow up." It looks quite frat-y to me, and hopefully you're past that, because most women in your age range are looking to lose those antics.

 

I've already suggested, as others have, how and where to find activities and clubs/groups to join so that you can "become more interesting". Newspapers, websites like meetup, etc. But unless you take these bits of advice to heart, I don't think you're going to get too far. I think you're too consumed with yourself -- and need to pull outside of that narrow field of focus. If you volunteer at an animal shelter, a homeless shelter, in an environmental clean-up organization, some cause you are interested or believe in, a hospital, etc., you instantly reframe your life as being involved rather than just being a circular conversation within yourself. So I would suggest this route, to start. Because here's a little secret: if you're not interesTED, you will not be interesTING.

 

And when you change this point of reference, you become much more interesting -- not by trying and forcing it, but by being naturally that way.

 

What you bring to the table in your sense of confidence has everything to do with having something you feel good and confident ABOUT. Confidence doesn't just come out of thin air. It comes out of devoting yourself to something, doing it well, feeling like you are competent, that you are contributing (as opposed to just sitting on the sidelines). Which requires work and action, not techniques.

 

Then from there, feeling sexier will result, because feeling good about yourself and like you have something translates into an appealing aura.

 

But you've got to start somewhere. If you can't think of anything, do the research and decide that you will pick 2 things you've never tried before and do a 180: go do them. If you don't like them, you can switch, but give them a fair shot and don't stop until you find something you can stick with for a while.

[johnnyp]

^^^Fantastic advice!

 

And TBH I wouldn't say you need to 'fix' your personality Dougie. I don't see anything wrong with you, other than you seem like quite a naive and inexperienced guy that's not naturally adept at the dating game. I think you just could do with some good pointers from guys that are really good at dating, so that you can try out some of their methods and then learn for yourself what works and what doesn't. If I were you I'd try buying up a bunch of books that give dating tips for guys and then just try out what you learn. Just search for 'The Game' on Amazon and then go from there. And try to avoid anything that looks too much like straight-up pick-up artist material though (including 'The Game')....aim more for self-help books that talk about how to meet, flirt and build attraction with women, rather than how to dupe and manipulate women into bed.

 

What you really don't need is more things about yourself to think negatively about, so the main thing is to just work on your self-esteem. We all struggle with self-esteem from time to time and it's really important to think more about what you like about yourself than what you don't like. Even if you only like two things about yourself and dislike twenty-two things, pat yourself on the back every day for the two things and then work on changing the twenty-two, without giving yourself a hard time about them.

 

It's a slippery slope. The more someone obsesses about their flaws and gets down about their lack of luck in the dating game, the worse they make their situation, so it's all about pulling yourself up and not making sex, dating and relationships the be all and end all. You sound like you've got a very healthy attitude to spending time alone and going out by yourself and not sitting alone at home all the time (there...that's the first three things for your list ) and that kind of confidence is very attractive to a lot of women. Now you've just got to work on getting a bit better at the actual process of flirting, breaking the ice etc. Get the books and browse the web for flirting advice. There will be loads of great professional advice that could really help you.

 

Good luck D.

[Polis]

I probably confused you then. I don't ever dress the same as my "scene". If anything, I tried to dress preppy.

 

Ah maybe it was from another thread a month or so ago. Well post some pics or send me your dating profile. I get oodles of girls responding to messages when I try but I worked hard on my profile, I'll send it to you if you like.

 

I mean how you dress isn't EVERYTHING, but it's a good step in the right direction if you are going to go out to entertainment venues and bars. It's nice to dress in something you look good in (doesn't necessarily have to be "trendy") in whatever you do, but not as necessary if you are doing volunteer work or going to some activity. I still think this is a better path, not only will an activity show you are into real hobbies or whatever, but anyone you meet there means you already have a commonality. Improving your looks won't improve your personality directly but it will remove barriers to approaching women, allowing you to focus on other parts of yourself.

 

As far as your personality, you just have to learn to converse. It's not easy to learn and takes practice, I didn't really date until a few years ago and I'm 27. I had to slowly learn how to go up and talk to girls at bars and what not, usually with no wingman. If you are looking for more than a hookup, being genuine goes very far no matter what you talk about. Openers to conversations can be anything but asking a girl "do you come here often?" usually leads to no where.

 

Can your roommate help you out in the dressing department? She is a girl. Next time you go out ask her if you look alright, even if you don't dress in her style she should be able to tell you if your clothes fit well, your hair is however you want it, etc...

 

If you see a girl at a bar that interests you, watch her a bit and see what she is doing, who she is there with and what she is wearing. The easiest way I start talking to girls is with a simple compliment about something the girl is wearing, something she has or something she obviously spent time on (her hair, for example). It has to be something that she actively put effort into, saying she has nice eyes is lame because she put no effort into how her eyes look (save for eye liner, etc...), just avoid compliments about her body or shoes as an opener. Other openers include talking about something she is doing, like playing Keno or a bar game, watching something on TV or a live band. Also, coming up with a question is a great conversation starter. Be observent, then think of something to say and finally go say it. Keep it light and non-intense, be joking. I have a sarcastic sense of humor and am fairly cautious when I use it, since it can be offensive, but doing some light teasing is always fun.

 

Conversations should go something like this:

 

Dougie_D: Hi, I like your shirt it's kinda retro (or whatever comes to mind).

Her: Oh, thank you!

(If she looks at you and maintains eye contact for a second or smiles introduce yourself)

Dougie_D: Well, I'm Doug, what's your name? (Or something similar)

Her: I'm Blahface. Tis a pleasure to meet.

 

Then you ask her an actual topical question about herself, like what do you do or do you like this band that just played or are you into zoos or something off the wall and light-hearted. If a girl wants to talk to you she'll put some effort into keeping conversation rolling. Just keep asking questions about her and learn what you can, if you like her and she seems to like you ask her for her number.

[Dougie_D]

clubs/groups to join so that you can "become more interesting".

 

I am part of a Board Game meet up group that meets once a month. (most people laugh at me when I tell them I go, but I enjoy it!!) Also, I've gone to numerous poker game events.

 

Are those NOT interesting enough? I've gone to a DISC Golf event. I sucked and it was at least an hour away.

 

Also, what sucks though...none of these are week to week. Maybe if I find a co-ed league or something, but sometimes, I'll be honest, I'm not a huge athletic guy and if I'M NOT around people that know me, people will judge me by my ability and never pass me the ball and such. I think a lot of them are work-based related.

 

I WANT to TAKE cooking lessons but I don't have enough money to "dish out". Most meet-up groups are 10-15 dollars...I can handle that. Not 150- 200 for a class.

 

If you volunteer at an animal shelter, a homeless shelter, in an environmental clean-up organization, some cause you are interested or believe in, a hospital, etc., you instantly reframe your life as being involved rather than just being a circular conversation within yourself

 

I volunteered at E3 this year for about 2 hours and the rest of the day I checked out the event. That was cool but I don't think volunteering really helps me personally. And E3 was something that I wanted to check out. Volunteering for homeless, etc...sounds boring and I wouldn't be happy or anything. I don't have a CAUSE that I'm interested in. Honestly, I'm really not "the giving" type unless I get PAID! Ugh...just the thought of volunteering makes want to puke. I don't get it. It's like fake happiness or something. I understand the CAUSE but people will get the wrong idea when I say "Yeah, I'm bored and I just wanted to meet people., I don't really care about this crap." Girls would probably think I'm some sort of jerk. I'm just being honest.

 

If a girl wants to talk to you she'll put some effort into keeping conversation rolling. Just keep asking questions about her and learn what you can, if you like her and she seems to like you ask her for her number.

 

YES!!! this is what I want! I can get two lines in to start a conversation. I've gave you guys examples of my dialogue. But I've also was told that GIRLS do not like to feel like they are being interviewed. That approach comes off bad.

 

I CAN'T TELL if a girl LIKES ME or not! Girls are hard to figure out. They might just be the "nice" type and just liked the company.

 

CLOSING the deal is the HARD part for me. Coming up and just talking isn't that bad. I've read some parts of THE GAME before. What I learned was, there are levels of interest. You shouldn't tell her YOUR NAME. If they ask you, then you know they are somewhat interested. Also, the more questions they ask YOU, then it's better. I can ask her questions all day but if she doesn't care about what I do or why I'm talking to her...then it's a NO-GO. And that's about 90% of the time. The other 10%, I just don't know how to close. I've always gave out my BIZ CARD. I'm realizing that's not a good idea. I struggle with the closing.

[Generation]

Also, I've gone to numerous poker game events.

 

Are those NOT interesting enough?

 

Not really in my opinion. Most poker players I've met are degenerate people. I'm a poker dealer (casino and underground).

 

Also, what sucks though...none of these are week to week. Maybe if I find a co-ed league or something, but sometimes, I'll be honest, I'm not a huge athletic guy and if I'M NOT around people that know me, people will judge me by my ability and never pass me the ball and such. I think a lot of them are work-based related.

Does your gym run classes? Swim fit? Spin cycle? Martial arts? Yoga? Zumba? Whatever it is, it'll help you get fit and they're week to week.

 

I WANT to TAKE cooking lessons but I don't have enough money to "dish out". Most meet-up groups are 10-15 dollars...I can handle that. Not 150- 200 for a class.

 

Get a book, and learn from that. Trial and error. You can borrow books from the library.

 

Also, you don't have to volunteer, but you should definitely network. Must network with more people, expand the pond you swim in, and increase your chances. It's all about optimizing your chances.

 

I've always gave out my BIZ CARD. I'm realizing that's not a good idea. I struggle with the closing.

 

Have you asked for his biz card?

"Hey, got a business card?"

NOT "what's your number?" or "what's your email?" or "what's your contact information?"

Specifically business card. Try it.

[Alezia]

I'd rather have a guy who asks me questions, and looks genuinely interested in the conversation than some guy trying too hard in order to seduce me. You don't need to keep your questions all so serious so that it feels like an interview. As long as what your questions are not complete garbage such as "Can I get you a drink?", "Can I get you something to eat?", followed by "Do you have a boyfriend?". If you ask something like, "how do you know 'so and so'?", usually that opens the door for conversation for a good 5 minutes at least. You can retell the silly anecdotes of something that happened when you first met. Then alternate between a serious and a not so serious topic, that usually works well I find.

 

Speaking of the sexual charisma, body language also speaks a lot when you do converse with someone. There is distinct body mannerism/movements that will help form an impression of you. For a girl for example, you may want to show a vulnerable side, bubbly side, or a careless side, or the femme fetale side. The way you dress and your body language will help you achieve that.

 

If the guy is totally relaxed and speaking to me like he would to any other guy, that's probably how I will think of him. I usually notice that guys will speak to you about their weekends, and will want to know what you did. When you look bored with the group conversation, they'll speak to you in a low tone personally to draw your attention to themselves. They will glance your way with intense eyes for a few seconds. I wouldn't expect a stranger to do this, but you said you didn't really have a hard time talking to a girl - rather just making that leap happen.

[foolmeonce]

Why do NEEDY people...who I think is a BIG TURN OFF! can hook up with people? Is it because the other party doesn't realize how NEEDY these people are.

Maybe, because they spend most of their time depending and leeching on people....instead of getting a life I know lots of women like that...NEVER been single a day in their life! And their are lots of people who feed off of other people's neediness due to their own low self-esteem.

[tiredofvampires]

I am part of a Board Game meet up group that meets once a month. (most people laugh at me when I tell them I go, but I enjoy it!!) Also, I've gone to numerous poker game events.

 

Are those NOT interesting enough?

 

Well part of what makes a conversation interesting to me is the exchange of stories. So...there isn't much of interest in poker stories, if you're talking about most women. Same for other sports. Those things are great for your own fun and enjoyment, and that's always recommended. Even better if you meet women at these hobby groups -- but how many do you meet and get to talk to at poker events? If you find something you enjoy AND it generates discussion material, that's going to make for a more interesting spontaneous dialogue. Even if you're only peripherally relating to something like, "Yeah, what's up with that? I ran into something just like what you're saying when I was at my weekly xyz, and this lady..." (continue story, then throw it back in her court) But you've got to start with something to talk about that relates. Poker and board games don't relate to most of life or anything you can do together (unless you're flirting with a total fellow games geek).

 

Most women want to talk about LIFE.

 

just the thought of volunteering makes want to puke. I don't get it. It's like fake happiness or something.

 

Well, we all have our definitions of what fake happiness seems like. To each his own on that one.

 

I will say that my own experiences are that you meet much nicer people at these sorts of things than at bars.

[Cognitive_Canine]

You said that you talked to everyone at the bar and I have to ask if you actually had any quality conversations.

[Dougie_D]

What do you consider QUALITY CONVERSATIONS?

 

I played pool with a group of friends and it was pretty cool. Everyone kind of teased each other. They were the actor/friendly type. But all of them were "together" because they kissed...Overall, I had a good time just talking BS and stuff. Nothing fancy.

 

I just come off as the cool friendly guy...NEVER a alphamale or boyfriend type. I want to get on that level though.

[O-shen]

Dating, conversations, meeting new people, its all quite a tough game. Its certainly not simple.

 

I give you props for trying Dougie. I see alot of people moping around home, complaining about being lonely, and not meeting anyone. Man I can see your really trying. You are joining groups, volunteering, socializing and getting yourself out there.

 

Sure your technique may need a little tweaking here and there, but the fact you are not giving up, is tops man.

 

Good luck mate.....i am sure something will pop up, probably when and where you least expect it.

[Generation]

What do you consider QUALITY CONVERSATIONS?

 

Don't know how to answer that. Depends who I'm talking to, what their interests are, and how they reciprocate. It's not really the content, but the reception.

We can be talking about politics (yawn) and that can be a quality conversation, or we can be talking about something as cheesy as why stinky cheese tastes so good, and that can be a quality conversation as well.

 

 

I just come off as the cool friendly guy...NEVER a alphamale or boyfriend type. I want to get on that level though.

 

If you were never an alphamale before, then it's gonna be hard to get on that level. The only way to do it as far as I know is to go away from a while, work on yourself to the MAX and then claim your spot on the top.

 

I was an alphamale a couple of years ago. Then my ex broke up with me and I pretty much fell to the bottom. Friends didn't really wanna hang out with me anymore, I was depressed and hurt and alone. That break up really took its toll on me. I went into hermit mode, worked on myself, made new friends and expanded my mind. When I finally returned to my old friends, I was able to gain their respect, but more than that, they saw me as the leader again. I was more cultured and said all the right things. When it came to the night scene, I was the guy to have around because I knew the game and the approach, as opposed to the 'friend' who knocked me down from grace after the break up, whose approach would be to go behind the girls, 'dance rape' them and go from there (don't do that).

[bulletproof]

 

 

I volunteered at E3 this year for about 2 hours and the rest of the day I checked out the event. That was cool but I don't think volunteering really helps me personally. And E3 was something that I wanted to check out. Volunteering for homeless, etc...sounds boring and I wouldn't be happy or anything. I don't have a CAUSE that I'm interested in. Honestly, I'm really not "the giving" type unless I get PAID! Ugh...just the thought of volunteering makes want to puke. I don't get it. It's like fake happiness or something. I understand the CAUSE but people will get the wrong idea when I say "Yeah, I'm bored and I just wanted to meet people., I don't really care about this crap." Girls would probably think I'm some sort of jerk. I'm just being honest.

 

Wow. I think you are entitled to your opinion, but I am sincerely grateful that not everyone shares that opinion. I also hope that you never find yourself in need of anything.