Questions for men who have quit or have tried to quit using porn

[Luna06]

This question is mostly for the guys but useful info from females is also welcome.

 

To all the guys out there who have tried to stop using porn, I have a few questions that I am simply trying to gather data on.

 

1) Did a significant other ask you to stop?

2) Have you ever felt remorse about viewing porn while in a relationship?

3) If you promised her to quit, did you succeed overnight or did you "slip up" for awhile?

4) What thoughts do you masturbate to now? Your wife/girlfriend? Other women? I don't think of anything when I masturbate. Well, either nothing or the guy I am dating at the time.

5) Are you glad you gave up porn?

 

 

Thanks!

[DylanNotorious]

2) Do you seriously not let him watch porn, while dating you????

[LDRohnos]

1) Did a significant other ask you to stop?

 

Expressed concerns and didn't think very highly of it in one case...but I didn't stop because of that. I wouldn't stop looking for porn for any woman unless she could somehow fulfill every sexual desire I ever needed. She'd have to quit her job and basically become a full time sex slave. The other alternative (porn) is much more practical.

 

2) Have you ever felt remorse about viewing porn while in a relationship?

 

None at all.

 

3) If you promised her to quit, did you succeed overnight or did you "slip up" for awhile?

 

I would never promise someone that I would stop looking at porn entirely. If it were to happen because I wanted it to happen..sure.

 

When I did stop looking at porn (it was more to see how it effected my libido) I had no problems for about two months. I noticed that eventually my mind was almost screaming to me "YOU NEED TO IMPREGNATE SOMEONE ASAP" so I decided to hop back on the wagon.

 

4) What thoughts do you masturbate to now? Your wife/girlfriend? Other women? I don't think of anything when I masturbate. Well, either nothing or the guy I am dating at the time.

 

If I'm in a relationship sometimes it'll be while thinking about her. It's important that she sends me sexy photos for this purpose. It really has little to do with emotions for me, perhaps it puts me in balance emotionally in a way...but it's just a release.

 

5) Are you glad you gave up porn?

 

During the time I wasn't looking at porn (or masturbating) I actually found the experience to be quite interesting. I'll probably try it again sometime.

[Luna06]

2) Do you seriously not let him watch porn, while dating you????

I don't want to have to force someone unless they really are interested in stopping for the sake of the relationship. The reason is that I am emotionally incapable of being romantically involved with a man who uses pornography. For a friend, I don't care, but for a bf I do care. The post is to get a sampling of the attitudes that are out there. I want to see how many guys respond who think like this man, for example: link removed

[LDRohnos]

I don't want to have to force someone unless they really are interested in stopping for the sake of the relationship. The reason is that I am emotionally incapable of being romantically involved with a man who uses pornography. For a friend, I don't care, but for a bf I do care. The post is to get a sampling of the attitudes that are out there. I want to see how many guys respond who think like this man, for example: link removed

 

I agree with some of his points and I disagree with others.

 

1. You’ll have more time to…

 

Highly depends on the person. If you aren't able to put a relationship as a priority over porn then you aren't just using porn you're addicted to it. This holds true for anything. Sometimes ones priorities just don't line up with someone elses.

 

2. Your wife/girlfriend will get even prettier

 

Nonsense. My last girlfriend was barely an A cup and was very short. Basically the opposite of any porn star you'd ever see. I was VERY sexually attracted to her and every woman I've had prior to her and probably every woman after her. This is because he/they do not find their girlfriend attractive...it has nothing to do with porn.

 

3. You’ll Be Brainwashed

 

I agree that I think that expectations could be unrealistic but that's only if you're limiting every sexual experience you've had based on pornography. I think this is pretty much bogus as well.

 

4. You’ll Set an Example for your son, nephew, daughter, etc…

 

If you're talking about porn/masturbation with your son/nephew/daughter/etc... you have more problems than watching porn.

 

5. You’ll be free of Shame

 

What shame is there to masturbation?

 

 

This article was written (by my view) to be catered towards a certain demographic or audience. I'm willing to bet mostly conservative/religious women. Most of these articles are written this way based off who is reading them. They want people to keep coming for advice and if they know the majority of the people reading their material are conservative women or religious people...their articles are going to cater to those people.

[FathomFear]

The reason is that I am emotionally incapable of being romantically involved with a man who uses pornography. For a friend, I don't care, but for a bf I do care. The post is to get a sampling of the attitudes that are out there.

 

To be blunt, you're trying to make your problem into someone else's problem. That's neither mature not particularly realistic. While it's certainly within your power to hold it up as an expectation, I hope you're being up front about it early on vs. dropping it as a bombshell later.

[Luna06]

LDRhonos: yes, I did catch that it is a certain demographic. i also respect that you and many other men do not share his opinions. I also personally don't care if a guy masturbates.

I am interested in a man who shares his attitudes though. The post was to try to see how many other guys do.

[Ms Darcy]

I think you'll be hard pressed to find a guy who shares that attitude.

[Luna06]

To be blunt, you're trying to make your problem into someone else's problem. That's neither mature not particularly realistic. While it's certainly within your power to hold it up as an expectation, I hope you're being up front about it early on vs. dropping it as a bombshell later.

It is only a problem if you have two people in a relationship who have different views about the role of sex and orgasm in that relationship. If the views are not compatible, then those people just need to find more compatible partners. I have been through this before.

[Luna06]

I truly feel happier and less lonely when single than when dating a porn user. There are men out there, even if a minority, who are willing and able to not look at porn. I am trying to get a feel for how many of them are left.

[FathomFear]

The problem with the testimony from that URL is that it seems to be written from someone who was an addict. That's not representative of what happens to the vast majority of people. Anything can be taken to extremes and become unhealthy. Moderation is key, just as it is with most things.

 

I mean, I object to many forms of porn from a philosophical perspective (primarily in terms of how they glorify or sexualize the exploitation of women) but it doesn't bother me such that I would insist that others around me not watch it. Watching porn is a personal decision. I'm not going to bully a potential partner one way or the other about how they decide on the topic.

[birdname]

This question is mostly for the guys but useful info from females is also welcome.

 

To all the guys out there who have tried to stop using porn, I have a few questions that I am simply trying to gather data on.

 

1) Did a significant other ask you to stop?

2) Have you ever felt remorse about viewing porn while in a relationship?

3) If you promised her to quit, did you succeed overnight or did you "slip up" for awhile?

4) What thoughts do you masturbate to now? Your wife/girlfriend? Other women? I don't think of anything when I masturbate. Well, either nothing or the guy I am dating at the time.

5) Are you glad you gave up porn?

 

 

Thanks!

I am answering this based on my expectations of my partner as a female.

1) No, I would never ask my SO to stop looking at porn

2) I only home my SO wouldn't feel guilty or ashamed

3) N/A quitting isn't expected

4) Doesn't matter if he thinks about porn, a fantasy, his coworker, people dressed up in animal costumes... whatever as long as I feel I have the love, respect, affection and attention I need.

5) N/A

[FathomFear]

I truly feel happier and less lonely when single than when dating a porn user. There are men out there, even if a minority, who are willing and able to not look at porn. I am trying to get a feel for how many of them are left.

 

I suspect they aren't many. If this is really a major deal breaker for you, your best bet would likely to try dating sites for religious singles.

[birdname]

I truly feel happier and less lonely when single than when dating a porn user. There are men out there, even if a minority, who are willing and able to not look at porn. I am trying to get a feel for how many of them are left.

I have never had porn interfere with my relationship. I would only worry about porn if he would rather look at porn than sleep with me. What he does when I'm not available is his business.

[Luna06]

This involves some heavier reading but for those that are interested, the reason that I and a lot of other women (not all) dislike porn also has roots in psychology:

link removed

 

There has also been a drastic increase in the number of divorces in which porn was a factor (records from matrimonial lawyers were used to compile the stats).

link removed

[Imthatguy]

I don't want to have to force someone unless they really are interested in stopping for the sake of the relationship. The reason is that I am emotionally incapable of being romantically involved with a man who uses pornography. For a friend, I don't care, but for a bf I do care. The post is to get a sampling of the attitudes that are out there. I want to see how many guys respond who think like this man, for example: link removed

 

I agree with none of his points. Straight up that guy was ADDICTED to it. There's a difference between addicted to it and enjoying it. And I've heard the argument you're addicted to it because you won't give it up. And that is just false, I am not addicted to milk but I'll never stop drinking that unless I am lactose intolerant. Honestly people blow porn up to such a huge issue, yes if its taking significant time away from your life and interest in REAL women it might be an issue. Seriously you have no issue with a guy who masturbates, who knows what he is thinking of. Other women maybe? And to be honest if he's thinking of another woman it's one he has seen locally so that fantasy is a heck of a lot more tangible - I'd have more of an issue with my SO thinking of someone they met and know while masturbating then watching a video of a random stranger who they'll probably never ever meet. But I suppose you'd never know what someone was thinking unless they tell you. God help us the day we develop a device to read minds, I think I'd kill myself if that day ever came.

[Luna06]

From link removed

 

"According to a 2007 study, mere exposure to images of sexy females causes a man to devalue his real-life partner. He rates her lower not only on attractiveness, but also on warmth and intelligence. Also, after pornography consumption, subjects in a 2006 study reported less satisfaction with their intimate partner—including the partner’s affection, appearance, sexual curiosity, and performance. Moreover, they assigned increased importance to sex without emotional involvement.

 

Obviously, if you want to stay married in reasonable contentment, you make your task easier by choosing not to trigger perception shifts that cause your partner to look like Hamburger Helper."

[Luna06]

I have never had porn interfere with my relationship. I would only worry about porn if he would rather look at porn than sleep with me. What he does when I'm not available is his business.

This is what I have had to deal with in the past.

[birdname]

This is what I have had to deal with in the past.

Then I would say that the man or men in your past was an addict and not an average porn user.

[LDRohnos]

I wouldn't worry that every guy (or even a majority of them) who watches porn is going to be like that. Personally if my girl wants to have sex the last thing on my mind is watching some pixelated woman on a monitor, the real thing is always more important. That guy just wasn't right for you or he was addicted to something that made his priorities out of wack.

 

Just because a dude watches porn doesn't make him instantly addicted to it. Just like someone who goes out for a drink every once in awhile isn't necessarily an alcoholic. If you put that obsession's priority over other things that should be more important than obviously you have a problem and need help...this dude needed help.

[Luna06]

Here's a post from a guy on another forum-

 

link removed

 

 

"This is from my personal experience.

 

(In the following points, my girl is in different country - a long distance relationship - 10 hour time difference)

• The first time, when my girl got upset about me watching porn, I quit. I did not delete any of the downloaded videos (20 GB), or get rid of 8 DVDs containing my most favorite porn. I was happy to quit for her, but what to do when I want to m'bate. After stopping to watch porn, my sensitivity started to go up. Simple lesbian kissing on the youtue, or a Brazilian lingerie shows, a site selling microbikini, or even exercising girls in skimpy clothes were sufficing my needs of visual stimuli.

• Not sure, but then my girl gave me permission to watch. I was ecstatic, and back to watching regularly.

• After some time, when my girl was in mood and we cud have phone sex, I was not in mood, because I wanted visual, and not just one or two, but many girls. So she asked me to stop. This time, I found it really bothering me. Really. I used to get very irritated. The earlier youtube vids did not work.

• Then she came over to US. I had some problems performing sexually. Erection weren't staying there, stimulation was not enough. So, I made up my mind. Deleted all the downloaded porn in front of her, and stopped watching porn completely. In fact, since she came, I had stopped. But my performance did not completely go up, the way I wanted.

• Then I learned more and more about the effect of porn, and after she left (over one month), I decided to be completely porn free to the heart. Literally shredded 8 of my favorite dvds, in paper shredder (I have the one that can shred dvds).

 

Since then, I haven't watched porn, or sought out youtube videos (as I mentioned before) or any other types of erotica. In between, I used to go out and see some sexy dresses for my girl and even would show her. This used to be at least some stimulation, but I have even stopped that. Why? Because I want to develop my other senses, I want to fantasize only about my girl, and reach orgasm. In fact, I haven't m'bated since 17-Dec-2010.

 

So, after 17 years of porn, and how I have been able to stop watching, I think it is possible to stop. We need a reason big enough, and we need to accept this as a challenge. I feel that you should start accepting small challenges, if you'd like to get into habit of being someone who likes the challenge. Because then you will develop the willpower to resist porn.

 

Just FYI, I met my girl after 5 years, and in that time, I haven't dated or fantasized or even feelings-wise thought about any other girl. "

[birdname]

That's all well and good that that guy chose to stop, and was successful, but I don't think it's necessary for a healthy relationship.

[Luna06]

That's all well and good that that guy chose to stop, and was successful, but I don't think it's necessary for a healthy relationship.

 

I agree that if each person in the relationship has similar attitudes and have agreed on the role (or lack thereof) for porn in their life as a couple, the relationship can be healthy (yes, even with porn). What is not healthy is a relationship in which the individuals are not compatible on this level. In that case, the relationship won't ever be healthy if the porn bothers one of the partners sufficiently.

[LDRohnos]

Luna, guys who do not look at pornography exist in the world. There are even some guys who will stop for you if that is what you need. Obviously you're just going to have to find out if a guy is into porn and make that a part of your process of screening potential partners. You're going to severely limit yourself but if you look in the right places you're sure to find one.

[Luna06]

Luna, guys who do not look at pornography exist in the world. There are even some guys who will stop for you if that is what you need. Obviously you're just going to have to find out if a guy is into porn and make that a part of your process of screening potential partners. You're going to severely limit yourself but if you look in the right places you're sure to find one.

 

Yeah, I do realize that. I also expect single guys to look at porn, and this does not bother me in the least. I only need it to be given up when we decide to date exclusively.

Anyway, I am getting to an age where I only want to date people for the long term, and I am pretty sure I could not take porn in the long term.

 

Quoting the same article from before: "During the middle years of our marriage, I quit worshiping my wife. Instead there was plenty of yoni to worship, courtesy of the porn industry. Always young. Always beautiful. Always horny. Always new. Always able to get an orgasm. And never fulfilling. I recently unplugged totally from porn, and I have returned my wife to her pedestal. Our marriage has come out of a long stale period and is rejuvenated. We are closer than we have been for years, in bed and throughout the day. I am really enjoying the long, slow, non-goal-oriented lovemaking that never really ends—we just take a break and start again the next day. I feel better, and my libido seems to be present more continuously."