Questions for men who have quit or have tried to quit using porn

[giubilante]

I don't mind if guys in general look at porn, but I do have a problem with them watching it while they are with me. It hurts my sense of self-esteem, which is already damaged to begin with. I have talked to my bf about this... I've told him it isn't him but me. And, he has for the most part given up porn voluntarily. However, yes, he did slip up a few times after I thought he'd stopped. This was more a result of habit, he said, rather than a desire for others, but it still hurts. And I'm sorry to the men who have a problem with women having a problem with porn, but not all women relish the idea of their guy masturbating while looking at another woman.

[Blue Spiral]

I can't think of any logical reason to stop looking at porn.

 

I'm not heavily into it, personally. The women I've been with have been more into it than me.

[Ms Darcy]

This involves some heavier reading but for those that are interested, the reason that I and a lot of other women (not all) dislike porn also has roots in psychology:

link removed

 

There has also been a drastic increase in the number of divorces in which porn was a factor (records from matrimonial lawyers were used to compile the stats).

link removed

 

I still think you are trying to assign badness to something that in and of itself isn't necessarily bad. I think of it like alcohol. If you are an alcoholic, alcohol is bad for you. If not, then a drink or two isn't a big issue.

[CatchersRye]

Although this is old, I wanted to respond as I am a guy and found the topic interesting.

 

1) Did a significant other ask you to stop?

No

 

2) Have you ever felt remorse about viewing porn while in a relationship?

Yes, however note in a previous post I mention I have only recently (last week or so) started my first exclusive relationship. Prior to the relationship, before I even knew them.

 

My remorse would come more from a place of feeling like I was disrespectful to the people I think of, who I knew. Of course, this was always prevalent, but it would occur more regularly then rarely.

 

Sometimes, the remorse would just come from feeling sad about not actually having (or had) anyone being that close to me and then I wouldn't be able to continue.

 

After having started the exclusive relationship, I would feel remorse, but I would also be unable to think of her in a sexual frame of mind. We only have recently started being physically close (kissing and cuddling). I get aroused when being with her and try to retain that for later. But I can't get the fantasy going. While attempting to do so, I would feel it was disrespectful to place her in a sexual fantasy when we haven't gotten there in the relationship.

 

3) If you promised her to quit, did you succeed overnight or did you "slip up" for awhile?

Haven't been asked and we haven't discussed it.

 

4) What thoughts do you masturbate to now? Your wife/girlfriend? Other women? I don't think of anything when I masturbate. Well, either nothing or

the guy I am dating at the time.

As stated in response to number 2, I am finding it difficult to have a sexual fantasy about my girlfriend which I feel stems from the fact we haven't even seen each other naked much less have sex. I feel it's disrespectful and my heart just doesn't accept the scenario. Yet, when I am with her, I am very much aroused by her and by being with her.

 

5) Are you glad you gave up porn?

I haven't, but I tried in the pass. Back in college I would waste half a day on porn and would stop or limit myself in order to get out of the time consuming habit. But I have never missed an opportunity to be with a girl to view porn.

[Patrick974]

Whether he is married or not, a man never break up with his hands.

[paxkramer]

I suspect the OP will be either single or unhappy for a very, very long time.