The comments from the ex that cut like a knife...

[threestars]

This is more so speaking towards the guys, as I'm not sure what hidden physical comments a guy can make towards a girl after the fact. When my ex gets real mad she feels the need to make comments about my "junk". I'm average or slightly above average, but she will blast me with comments like "hung like a mouse" etc. Is this typical of girls in a break up? I never thought I was Ron Jeremy, but for a girl that I was with for 4 years making fun of my manhood is hard to ignore. Thoughts/comments?

[DN]

Ignore her, she's just being malicious and stupid.

[thelastsong]

This is more so speaking towards the guys, as I'm not sure what hidden physical comments a guy can make towards a girl after the fact. When my ex gets real mad she feels the need to make comments about my "junk". I'm average or slightly above average, but she will blast me with comments like "hung like a mouse" etc. Is this typical of girls in a break up? I never thought I was Ron Jeremy, but for a girl that I was with for 4 years making fun of my manhood is hard to ignore. Thoughts/comments?

 

"Hung like a mouse"? Really? Is she in middle school? She sounds very immature. By making these comments and putting you down, she's probably just masking her own insecurities. Try not to let it get to you.

[threestars]

Yea, it's just hard to ignore. I've been with a good amount of people and I was always slightly insecure about it. It's just weird that for those 4 years she was more than happy with things, but then after the fact she finds the lowest possible things to attack. It's been 8 months since breakup, I've been with two people physically, but I don't think I'm even remotely close to being able to open up emotionally to someone after what the ex has put me thru.

[guynextdoor]

3stars most women knows that to piss a dude off all they need to do is comment on the manhood. Guarantee to work even though they know its not true. Blow it off and don't waste another minute dealing with her immaturity.

[threestars]

Yea, good call. I was very happy during a few months of no-contact. I can go no-contact pretty easily but a few months from now when her new guy realizes what I have, she'll be trying to reach me through every possible outlet. She told me she's been with the guy since early June.....in early July she was calling me and attempting to initiate phone sex. Her actions are baffling and she has no class. I'm better off and just have to get back to full no contact.

[mhowe]

Phone sex, seriously? You should be out celebrating she is no longer in your life.

[threestars]

Yea, it was very strange. Especially since at that point we had been broken up a few months. She said she was going through issues with her best friend and just wanted to talk and it led to her starting up the phone sex, which was just awkward. Now I realize that she was probably being ignored by a guy she had just met and liked. The next day she apologized, 5 days later she called me and tried to have the same convo. When she told me about the new boyfriend I mentioned the phone sex and how it was apparently a month or so after they met, SHE STRAIGHT UP DENIED IT HAPPENED. Then she went on about how "baller" hew new dude is, keep in mind this is a 27 year old girl with 2 degrees. Insanity is at all levels.

[Thorshammer]

Dude, I had a chick tell me my peepee was small. She was immature, and she tried to go for the jugular, because she dumped me, then i didnt want her back. It burned her self-esteem that she wanted to return the favor, thats all it is. Next time tell her that her vag smells and it feels like your banging slimer from ghostbusters. It might not get a reaction, but trust she will get off the phone and take a wiff.

 

I am far from being small, I am the opposite, and it took a few women telling me I was above average after her for me to shake off that stupid comment of hers (plus the fact i couldnt squeeze into normal condoms). They try to attack your best quality, it happens.

[thelastsong]

Like guynextdoor said, size is an insecurity for almost all men regardless of reality. It's practically wired in your brain, and women know this. It's pretty pathetic of a woman to use it as an insult though. Women aren't exactly immune from insecurities about their bodies.

 

I've tossed out an insult or two in my time, but never about something like that. It's just low.

[threestars]

Good to know I'm not alone haha. I actually made the smell comment the first time she made a comment on my manhood. She brought it up pretty much every time after, asking if I really thought it smelled; so you're on the money there. The first girl I was with after the ex oddly said "wow it's big" which I couldn't help but laugh because it made me think of the ex's comments.

 

I guess I'll just take it as, if that's the most insulting thing she can come up with, then I'm not doing too bad.

[threestars]

Like guynextdoor said, size is an insecurity for almost all men regardless of reality. It's practically wired in your brain, and women know this. It's pretty pathetic of a woman to use it as an insult though. Women aren't exactly immune from insecurities about their bodies.

 

I've tossed out an insult or two in my time, but never about something like that. It's just low.

Yea I understand that, if anything women are even more subjected to insecurities in regards to the body because they're generally more visible. Attacking the manhood is clearly something that's private and only a select few have the "privilege of seeing. I guess some ladies might be worried about what their downstairs looks like, but I've never heard a guy make a comment about that other than a person being loose(which generally has obvious meanings).

 

Saying I was awful in bed would be less demoralizing than attacking my tool of the trade!

[Thorshammer]

Lol, i know dude, thats a secret weapon to use against women. I been with a lot of chicks, bro- if you want to really get at them, you make fun of there privates and weight. Surprisingly this is called a "neg", some women (well, not making fun of their vag and weight, smaller things, but hey, who knows maybe the big insults do work, dont believe... ask yourself why some fools chase jerks) feel their value decreases and the man's value increases when you tease them on a small flaw they have. Like I teased this girl who wore a blonde wig (halloween) telling her I like blondes and I am disappointed she wasnt a real blonde, then i told her, eh, i can still work with you. Its supposed to lower a more attractive womens value. I dont do this, i dont have faith in it, but i do tease and say I am kidding.

 

Some women are very insecure, no matter how pretty (in my experience, the more pretty the more insecure). Words will hurt them 20 times more than you think. And dont answer her when she asks if her vag really smells.

[thelastsong]

Yea I understand that, if anything women are even more subjected to insecurities in regards to the body because they're generally more visible. Attacking the manhood is clearly something that's private and only a select few have the "privilege of seeing. I guess some ladies might be worried about what their downstairs looks like, but I've never heard a guy make a comment about that other than a person being loose(which generally has obvious meanings).

 

Saying I was awful in bed would be less demoralizing than attacking my tool of the trade!

 

I think body comments are worse because you can't really do anything to fix them. Bedroom skills can be improved, but how you actually look is not that easily changed.

 

If you want to get at a woman, say something about her breast size or her weight, particularly her legs or hips. And yeah, I've always found it unfair that boobs are on display to the whole world, but you can only wonder how big a guy is. Why do you think women go to Victoria's Secret and drop $70 on a bra?

 

You're right about insults working in that way, Thorshammer. If you insult an insecure woman, her self-esteem drops. Then she thinks that she's lucky to even get a guy at all. She becomes low-hanging fruit, or it knocks her off her own pedestal, however you prefer to look at it. It's a pretty effective way to even the playing field. I don't really advocate that kind of game-playing, but it is possible.

 

Of course, insulting a girl is also usually the sign of an insecure man who's worried his woman will go hunting for something better and wants to make her think she can't get any better than him.

[threestars]

Yea, good points. It's hard to tell what's going to trigger their insecurities sometime. My ex in the beginning of our relationship would mention her previous bad relationships. She talked about them like they were losers, so at times I would say stuff like "just because you dated losers before blabla". Now she comes at me with "You used to think I could only get losers, you were trying to hold me back and keep me down." Just like uhhh ok what weren't we in a relationship? and i'm holding you back from other people?.. You paint a picture of losers, I take your side, and that leads to me holding you back? The though process is puzzling at times...

 

The effort it took to get to know and break down barriers with a person like that was a headache, having to do it again with someone else isn't something I'm looking forward to at all....

 

 

thelastsong, yea I have no interest in continuing on with the game-playing and name calling. Just going to look at this relationship as a learning experience and move on. I'm only 26 but after 4 years with someone I thought I was going to spend my life with....I feel old getting back into dating....it seems like everyone is partnered up or has kids etc.

[thelastsong]

Insecure women (and men) are like a minefield. My ex was like this at times. I felt like I was walking on eggshells. I could never tease him about anything. One off-handed comment, and he'd immediately explode and get very defensive, asking why I was attacking him.

 

Have faith though. There are secure women out there. Everyone has their own personal insecurities, but in general, a mature woman is not easily knocked to the ground.

[threestars]

Thanks for the insight, I'll keep my head up. Hopefully eventually I'll meet someone where the relationship doesn't feel like a job and things will be more natural.

[Thorshammer]

Funny thing is, when she becomes your gf, and you keep up the teasing, she will laugh up a storm. But again, theres a difference between playful teasing, and being mean (your ex you got mean with, which she deserved).

 

And yeah, if you push teasing that you are hurting your woman, then it will become obvious to everyone you are devaluing her to make yourself look better (which is really what its all about). Thats why i try to steer away from this, this is mostly for guys who arent as attractive as she is and arent sure if she likes him. But, just to throw it out there, you usually have to counterbalance this by being a social-powerhouse, which entails giving out compliments to everyone. Insecure people believe their compliments are worthless, hence how "neg'ing" would be more powerful if you are the type to compliment people, and them to act favorable to you around her.

 

If you are good-looking and she makes it obvious she likes you, then a neg would be dumb. Also, if you are better looking than her, or she makes it very obvious she likes you, neg would be dumb too. I never neg, i tease playfully, and if i took it too far by her body-gestures, i would say i am kidding and compliment her (i actually keep compliments very very low when i meet someone, unless i know they liked me).

[annony]

For what it's worth, as I woman, I don't put much faith in it when another woman says her ex had small junk and I highly doubt the others around her believe what she's saying.

[thejigsup]

Well, sometimes you guys deserve it, and if you do, I am always more than ready to dish it out. One time, there was a guy I had been flirting with at work. He was cute and flirted back. I wasn't looking for a relationship at the time and neither was he. We hooked up at a New Year's Eve party and that was that, or so I thought. He went around telling everyone at work what had happened and that I was "easy". Hello! There were two of us involved. If I was easy, so was he. Anyway, I got my revenge. I told all the girls we knew that he was hung like a field mouse and I was sorry I had bothered. He didn't get a date for months. It works, believe me.

 

If you are a nice guy, what she is saying is totally classless. Women should just save the heavy ammo for special occasions.

[DN]

I think it is classless to say anything like that about anyone regardless of the circumstances, including in retaliation for something.

[threestars]

Yea, agreed with DN. While the previous posters example may have been slightly more "acceptable" it's still wrong. So was the guy actually small or were you just saying that(only curious because another poster said when they hear that comment they don't put much stock in it) to hurt him?

 

My ex was and is always the aggressor, sometimes I can't control myself and I'd lash back....I've found this was never helpful and she would bring up these comments regularly down the road(while we were still together and still to this day). But, her comments that initiated the exchange were always supposed to be forgotten or ignored by me. I'm starting to realize that all my ex ever did was contradict herself.

 

I was warned by an acquaintance very early on that this girl was crazy when it came to relationships. I kept it in mind but ultimately dismissed his comments. Boy do I regret that!

[thelastsong]

I don't like spreading rumors of any kind about a guy even for revenge. If he's a horrible person, I just trust that other people will figure that out without my help. The exception is cheaters. I will warn a girl if she's expressing interest in a guy who's rumored to sleep around.

 

There's nothing wrong with teasing. You need to be able to laugh at yourself sometimes. Relationships get stressful when one partner or the other is extremely sensitive and hypervigilant of criticism. It's like they're just waiting to interpret something as an attack. You need to be more self-assured than that to be in a healthy relationship and give your partner the benefit of the doubt that they aren't trying to insult you.

 

If something really does bother you, tell them. Just say, "Hey, cut it out. I'd rather not joke about that. It really bothers me." Then and only then should you get defensive if the person doesn't stop.

[Thorshammer]

I wouldnt care if I come out classless to a classless person, I dont expect to return to them. And I effin enjooooooyed it. I never looked back and regretted anything. I give what you receive, love me I will learn to love you. And i look back with a huge koolaid smile, I am not trying to be bradybunch with someone who wants to attack without reason.

[threestars]

Yea, it's funny how that works out. I'm quite sarcastic and I often made playful jabs at my gf during the 4 years. She always took them the wrong way, to the point where I basically just had to bite my tongue anytime something silly came to mind. She was the type that you call her a dork after doing something goofy, and she gets offended. If you can't be loose and playful with the person you love, then when can you be?

 

 

Touche, some people need a clear picture, and when they're classless you have to stoop to their level to get the point accross. It's not fun but sometimes it's the way you gotta roll