EmeraldFrog23 Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 This is completely unrelated to my current relationship drama but I just thought I'd post this out of curiosity. I just started a new job about 6 weeks ago. Now I'm generally somewhat of a shy person. It takes me a while to warm up to people, some more than others and usually I warm up to women faster than men. Now that I'm at 6 weeks, I'm feeling pretty comfortable talking to all my co-workers except for one. I work for a consulting firm and our office is pretty small at only around 16 people but this one particular co-worker is the only one for some reason I'm having difficulties warming up to. Our office is divided into different departments and he is in my department which means we work very closely with one another on a daily basis. I don't know why exactly I'm having so much difficulty talking to him more than any of the others. He's attractive but there are other attractive guys in the office that I have no problems talking to. He's also very intelligent and somewhat of a practical joker of the office but again there are other funny smart guys in the office that I have no problems with. His behavior towards me is also confusing me. He is very outgoing and loves to tease other people but is very quiet around me. At first I thought he didn't like me but he teases me randomly. Also I went out drinking with him and few other guys from the office one night and he was very talkative with me then and we ended up having a great time. But on Monday he went back to his usual behavior. Also one day it was just him and I out on a work assignment and we went out to lunch and he paid for my share. I offered to buy him lunch as a favor in return but he won't let me. He said not to worry about it. So I don't think he dislikes me but I'm still very confused why he is so quiet around me. Also sometimes he will say hi to me in the morning when he comes in or leaves for the day and other times he won't (my cube is right next to his). Just recently I pranked his and another guy's cubicle for fun and to show that I have a sense of humor. At first I thought he was annoyed but afterwards it seemed like he found it funny. I'm just not so sure. He's difficult to read. Anyways, I'm wondering what I could do to improve our working relationship so there are not so many awkward silences between us especially when it is just him and I. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 Is he married? Other than that, I would focus on the job at hand and be professional about it. Everything else can be kept at common courtesy and there shouldn't be any problems. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 Some people are just weird. Chalk it up to that. He does not seem to not like you, and whatever you do, do not ask him what the problem is. For there could be no problem that he is aware of, and that will just create a problem if you ask. Just put it down he's a bit of a weird fish and just try the best you can to just get on with him and not read too much into his behaviour unless he got really nasty with you or something. Link to comment
EmeraldFrog23 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Share Posted November 2, 2011 Is he married? Other than that, I would focus on the job at hand and be professional about it. Everything else can be kept at common courtesy and there shouldn't be any problems. No, he's not married. Link to comment
EmeraldFrog23 Posted November 2, 2011 Author Share Posted November 2, 2011 Some people are just weird. Chalk it up to that. He does not seem to not like you, and whatever you do, do not ask him what the problem is. For there could be no problem that he is aware of, and that will just create a problem if you ask. Just put it down he's a bit of a weird fish and just try the best you can to just get on with him and not read too much into his behaviour unless he got really nasty with you or something. Yeah it could be that. I was just hoping it wasn't me making him feel uncomfortable. I know that shy women can sometimes make men feel awkward. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Well Emerald, you don't seem shy to me. I don't think he views you as shy. If anything, maybe it is you that intimidates him! Link to comment
catfeeder Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I would remain reserved but polite. In other words, I'd avoid trying too hard. Some people require a LOT of time to warm up, and it's best to allow that to happen naturally instead of try to force it. Overall, you sound as though you're doing great. Consider the guy an archetype--there's usually at least one in every group that is a 'tough nut,' and if you can be patient and kind, my bet is it will pay off. If you try to rush him, that can gain you a place you don't want to be with him. Head high. Link to comment
EmeraldFrog23 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 Well Emerald, you don't seem shy to me. I don't think he views you as shy. If anything, maybe it is you that intimidates him! haha, trust me I am very shy at work, especially around him! When he does tease me I usually just smile shyly and blush because I don't know what to say. When we went out drinking he was teasing me a lot and he told me that the more he teases someone, the more he likes them. Also as for the prank, I asked him who he thought did that to his cube (with a mischievous look ) and told me he thought it was someone else in the office. Later I heard him tell someone else that he never could believe it was me because I look too innocent. I'm just confused by him. I would like to go out and have a drink with him again in the future because he's a lot of fun. I just don't know how to bring it up because we seem to have an awkward relationship. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I really think that you should just let him take the lead. He could end up being a real jerk in general, and I'd hate for you to pursue him and it turns out he indeed was one. Just be your cute, "innocent" self, and see what happens. You've just started the job and you should settle in a bit more and give him more of a chance to open up on his own time frame. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 What happened to the long distance guy whom you were in love with a week ago? Link to comment
EmeraldFrog23 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 What happened to the long distance guy whom you were in love with a week ago? This has nothing to do with my fiance. I'm just posting this topic because I'm curious about it and it's also helping me take my mind off the current issues in the relationship with my fiance. I'm not in love with my co-worker. It's purely a platonic relationship between us. I'm just confused by his behavior and I wanted some insight to possibly improve our working relationship for the future. Link to comment
EmeraldFrog23 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 I would remain reserved but polite. In other words, I'd avoid trying too hard. Some people require a LOT of time to warm up, and it's best to allow that to happen naturally instead of try to force it. Overall, you sound as though you're doing great. Consider the guy an archetype--there's usually at least one in every group that is a 'tough nut,' and if you can be patient and kind, my bet is it will pay off. If you try to rush him, that can gain you a place you don't want to be with him. Head high. Point taken. As a side note, he did talk to me a lot more when I first started working there, like in the first 2-3 weeks but he's backed off a lot. I just hope I'm not presenting myself as a rude unapproachable person. I want to get along and have fun with my co-workers. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Point taken. As a side note, he did talk to me a lot more when I first started working there, like in the first 2-3 weeks but he's backed off a lot. I just hope I'm not presenting myself as a rude unapproachable person. I want to get along and have fun with my co-workers. Focus on working well with your coworkers--more than that is an organic thing that should come from them, not the new kid. Professionalism is the smartest goal with kindness mixed in. Beyond that, just observe and adapt in small doses. Yucking it up to some people is overkill to others. Adopting some invisibility is more powerful and strategic for long range relationships than a need to backpeddle from too much, too soon. The smaller the work environment, the more important it is to become the observer rather than the entertainer. Link to comment
EmeraldFrog23 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 Focus on working well with your coworkers--more than that is an organic thing that should come from them, not the new kid. Professionalism is the smartest goal with kindness mixed in. Beyond that, just observe and adapt in small doses. Yucking it up to some people is overkill to others. Adopting some invisibility is more powerful and strategic for long range relationships than a need to backpeddle from too much, too soon. The smaller the work environment, the more important it is to become the observer rather than the entertainer. Thanks for the advice. This is very helpful. This is my first full time job since I graduated college and I want to make sure I do things right. My past jobs have all been temporary/seasonal positions and oftentimes I lived with my co-workers in shared housing. As a result, my personal and work life often blurred together but because it was in the short term, no consequences ever arose as a result of it. But in this situation, I want to try and keep my work life and personal life divided by a clear line. Going out after work for a drink is one thing but getting too friendly may be stepping over the boundaries. Thanks again! Link to comment
catfeeder Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Thanks for the advice. This is very helpful. This is my first full time job since I graduated college and I want to make sure I do things right. My past jobs have all been temporary/seasonal positions and oftentimes I lived with my co-workers in shared housing. As a result, my personal and work life often blurred together but because it was in the short term, no consequences ever arose as a result of it. But in this situation, I want to try and keep my work life and personal life divided by a clear line. Going out after work for a drink is one thing but getting too friendly may be stepping over the boundaries. Thanks again! You're conscious, aware and own a healthy sense of caution. You'll do just fine, no need to overthink the cautions of others. Congrats on your new job. Link to comment
stuka80 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I can relate. I'm actually just like that guy you described. I'm pretty talkative with others and joke around often at work but i have a major crush on this one girl where i work and everytime i have to work with her on something i get extremely nervous and i get alot quieter than usual. I would've asked her out on a formal date a long time ago except for the fact that she's married so now i've been trying to avoid her and it's become kinda awkward when we pass by each other. So maybe he's just like me and he has a crush on you or then again maybe he's just kinda weird like that. Link to comment
EmeraldFrog23 Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 I can relate. I'm actually just like that guy you described. I'm pretty talkative with others and joke around often at work but i have a major crush on this one girl where i work and everytime i have to work with her on something i get extremely nervous and i get alot quieter than usual. I would've asked her out on a formal date a long time ago except for the fact that she's married so now i've been trying to avoid her and it's become kinda awkward when we pass by each other. So maybe he's just like me and he has a crush on you or then again maybe he's just kinda weird like that. Oh no! That could be the case but I hope not. For one, I'm an emotional mess right now with my current relationship that's falling apart. And we work together. Hopefully he just needs some time to warm up to me. My office is mostly men and I am the youngest unmarried person employed there. I also am one of 3 women so maybe he's just not used to working so closely with a woman and he doesn't know what to say to me without appearing as flirtatious. Link to comment
Alezia Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Are you an introverted or just shy person? I know I am extremely awkward around them, as I always find myself to do all the initiating and I hate to give out the "I am stalking you impression". The conversations also don't flow as naturally because you also feel like you are stalking them. I wouldn't really take it personally, as he seems to be trying to make an effort to talk to you and he's not snubbing you either. Link to comment
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