Outrageous Texting Marathon. What Next?

[Naomi99]

10 year relationship (6 living together)

He dumped me because he felt relationship stagnant

4 Months Strict NC initiated by me (except for a 2 line txt regarding housekeeping matters.)

(I think he had a rebound that lasted about 3 weeks but I have 100 belief she is out of the picture)

 

So yesterday I txted him a photo of the dog in a halloween costume "happy halloween...."

and that led into a two-hour txting marathon filled with LOLs, HAHAHAAHAs, pictures of ourselves, pictures of random things that's happened during NC, ton of funny things that have happened to both of us, etc....

 

He never said he missed me, but neither did I. There was not one lull in the marathon....it was super funny and well connected filled with wit and humor. We connect so well, it is amazing.

However: I never set an appointment to meet up because I felt like since I initiated the txt, I didn't want to seem too pushy.

 

1. Guys out there. What does it mean when you are txting your ex GF nonstop for 2 hours, and it's all laugh and giggles and pictures and fun?

2. What should be my next move? Just sit and wait?

 

HELP....

 

I'm really happy to have reconnected, but does it stop there?

[LaKings55]

back to NC

[Hollyj]

I agree with the NC.

 

You have extended yourself to this guy three times since going NC- You told him you were taking the dog to his parents.

 

You keep putting yourself out there, and he responds, but nothing else. This guy is not initiating, suggesting a meet up or reconciliation, to me it is clear he is trying to put this in a friendly place-so he doesn't look like a creep.

 

Please stop reaching out to him, if he wants to be with you he will contact and tell you he wants to be together.

[Naomi99]

Hollyj. Thousands of users here and I always get so lucky to have you respond to my situation. And you always have the facts wrong. I have not reached out him three times. The first time rt after we broke up, it was he who sent me an email to which I never responded. The second time after 3.5 months of no contact I told him about the dog to which he responded something kind, and I never responded back.

 

So please stop misstating facts about my situation.

 

I would like a guys perspective, please. Not a woman's.

 

You don't txt someone for two hours straight because you don't want to look like a creep. It goes deeper than that.

[Hollyj]

I always have the facts wrong?? OK, so you initiated contact only twice. Does it make a difference??

 

He is not initiating, but you seem to be reading so much into so little. If he wants to reconcile, he will let you know.

 

Good luck!

[Doofus]

You should only come here if you want to have your desire to go NC and heal reinforced. Unless, of course, I see your post...

 

That said, the texting marathon could mean a lot of different things. But the long and the short of it is that it's either really good or it's really bad. Which it is probably depends on how you answer these questions: 1. Are you sure he isn't seeing anyone right now?

2. When you say he felt things were stagnant, did he mean that he was no longer into you sexually?

3. Relatedly, was your txting marathon flirty?

4. How bitter was the BU? ( I might read through your posts later, sorry, I'm feeling lazy right now...)

5. How old are you guys?

If there's still a physical attraction there, then all of the lol's and hahahahas are a good sign. It means that not only does he want to jump your bones still, but he also wants to hang out and be cozy too. That's love. Or pretty close to it. If there's not much attraction left (and I don't believe it all ever goes away, if you're supposed to mate with someone, your genes know it and won't let your libido forget it when you're in the vicinity of that person) then he might have just been catching up. In that case, you've been friend-zoned. There's ways to get out of that, especially if you're a woman.

In either case, 10 years is a long time. No one ends something like that and walks away whole. You have a piece of him still. It's a question of whether he's willing to be with you to have it back.

Next move will depend on your answers to the questions above.

[imonlyhuman]

"he never said he missed me."

 

you want it to be deeper. you know how easy it is to just txt? or talk to someone? you know you do that with people that are just friends right?

 

i dont want to kill your hopes. it may happen. but my advice is to let him want to be back with you. the more you give of yourself, the less he has to miss and want.

 

sit and wait.

[Naomi99]

1. Are you sure he isn't seeing anyone right now?

 

I am 95 percent sure he is NOT seeing anyone. Let's just say I happen to know a lot about how he spends his time, and it is not consistent with seeing someone. He might take a girl out for dinner or something but no one is spending the night.

 

When you say he felt things were stagnant, did he mean that he was no longer into you sexually?

 

He meant in terms of growth, we both lost our interests/hobbies and our independence. No more house, no babies coming. It was work and then watching TV and then going to sleep. He felt life is too short and there is more to life than this, and felt we held each other back. We were also arguing a lot toward the end about really trivial stuff, like who was going to eat leftovers, etc.

 

Relatedly, was your txting marathon flirty?

 

Marathon was not flirty....we are not that type even when we were a couple. It was really fun and innocent....lots of laughter. Things like "Wow I have to tell you I sat next to Precious at the restaruant," and then txt a picture of a large black girl sitting next to at a restaruant. It was very much like what made us fall in love with each other from the start....poking fun and connecting with jokes that no one else would appreciate. We just get each other. And I know he is still attracted to me. I know it.

 

How bitter was the BU? ( I might read through your posts later, sorry, I'm feeling lazy right now...)

When we initially broke up, he came over four days later in tears saying he cannot imagine life without me. We have known each other since grade school and have a really rich history. So like an idiot I stayed friends. Then after several months of that, we got into a huge argument and he told me to move on. I initiated NC for four months.

 

 

 

How old are you guys?

We are both in late 30s.

[Naomi99]

"he never said he missed me."

 

you want it to be deeper. you know how easy it is to just txt? or talk to someone? you know you do that with people that are just friends right?

 

i dont want to kill your hopes. it may happen. but my advice is to let him want to be back with you. the more you give of yourself, the less he has to miss and want.

 

sit and wait.

 

I def. feel in my bones he misses me or he would not be sitting there txting me with his large man hands on an iPhone for two hours. He doesn't do that with anyone, and I've lived with the guy for a looong time.

 

I guess go back to NC give him further chance to miss me.

[chitown9]

I def. feel in my bones he misses me or he would not be sitting there txting me with his large man hands on an iPhone for two hours. He doesn't do that with anyone, and I've lived with the guy for a looong time.

 

I guess go back to NC give him further chance to miss me.

 

OP, suggest that you check out Brownstone's thread about the "thaw out." It might give you some insight into your own situation....

[Doofus]

Well... I don't know. I'm sure he misses you. I'm sure he still loves you. I'm not too sure he wants you back right now, though. It sounds ( I read your original thread about this), like he he meant what he said about needing to break out of his old routine a bit. Or more than a bit....

Personally, I am not an advocate of NC. Maybe you should try NIC. Let him come to you. This is based on nothing other than the fact that you two have spent most of your entire lives together starting as children, but, I have a feeling he will come back to you once he's worked through this whole mid-life crisis thing. That might take a while though. Like years possibly.

As a man of about the same age, I can tell you that, more than likely, the choices he's making right now don't have much to do with you, per se. He's like an adolescent in a way. Teen agers are often hostile to parents whom they love, the same parents they would never have thought to cross just a few months before and parents whom they'll honor completely a few years down the road. Try to think about it in these terms. Be cool. Don't take it too personally. If you can resist getting sucked into the tempest of hormones and panic which drive mid life crises, he'll keep a positive memory of you and you two may survive all this and enjoy a calm loving old age together.

[Naomi99]

Doofus that is one great post. Thanks for putting the time and effort into reading my story.

 

And you really made a great point about not taking it so personally; that it's about HIS crisis, like an adolescent. I never looked at it that way before.

 

So far everyone's advice to me is not initiating contact, which I also believe. I have opened the door, so he knows he is free to txt me.

 

Thanks again!

[meoww]

Doofus that is one great post. Thanks for putting the time and effort into reading my story.

 

And you really made a great point about not taking it so personally; that it's about HIS crisis, like an adolescent. I never looked at it that way before.

 

So far everyone's advice to me is not initiating contact, which I also believe. I have opened the door, so he knows he is free to txt me.

 

Thanks again!

 

JMO, but you might want to deal with your own anger eventually if reconciliation is your ultimate goal. Right now, you may feel like you'd just be happy to weather this crisis, but repressed anger can cause a lot of strife even if you're successful in rekindling things. Don't forget it's your life too! What if you get back together and things are stagnant, for you? You need to be a whole person on your own. You sound very forgiving and warm, but remember, he was sleeping with someone else. Doesn't that bother you? I don't mean to be a downer but I hope you realize what he's done to you in pursuit of his 'needs.'

[Naomi99]

yes, it bothers me that he was sleeping with someone else. But on the same token, I wasn't all that innocent during the time we were "friends" too. I didn't sleep with anyone but let's just say there was some limited physical contact with other men, but my mind wasn't into it. My ex only started dating AFTER we REALLY broke up with full NC intact, and I have no control over what he does, just as he had no control over what I did.

 

I'm not angry anymore. I will admit (and my posts will reflect) that I was panicking pretty bad when I found out he was dating that girl. But whatever happened with them actually made me feel confident about our past relationship. The reason? That rebound lasted no more than three weeks for him, and that event gave me faith that our connection is rare and there is NO WAY she filled my shoes.

 

After our current txting marathon and all of his "hahahahhas" and "lols" and the silly things we were talking about, the fact that he stayed on the phone so long as he did, the fact that it's uncomfortable for him to txt with his big man hands,but he continued to txt nonstop, I have so much faith in our connection, I believe it will be difficult for him to find something as rare as me, as us, what we create together, the mood we share. He may desire change and something different, but he might find that it's NOT necessarily better. And he needs to find that out on his own. From this point forward, I am scarce and will not be there unless he initiates contact.

 

I think txting him after 4 months NC to give him a morsel of remembrance of what we used to be left a positive impression. There is NO way he is not thinking about us. I know for a fact he did not go to sleep that entire night after the txting marathon until 8 a.m., probably wondering what just happened.

[calichick007]

If you're so positive, what are you asking?

[Naomi99]

If you're so positive, what are you asking?

 

wow, you're really friendly.

[Mesemene]

There is NO way he is not thinking about us. I know for a fact he did not go to sleep that entire night after the txting marathon until 8 a.m., probably wondering what just happened.

 

Thinking like this can be dangerous to your emotional health. You haven't talked except via email and text in months - but you're certain you know how he reacted. You could be right - but just as easily, he could have thoroughly enjoyed talking to you - and had any guilt over the situation alleviated and feels better about being apart from you than before.

 

See what I mean?

 

I also really hate the text-generation. Don't get me wrong, I used to IM all the time, before text became so popular. But I noticed that miscommunication, misunderstandings, and misinterpretations happened a lot more via text than voice, which was subject to less than text, but more than in person. Humans communicate things using a lot more senses than we sometimes realize - and text only allows for two things to be considered - the words, and personal knowledge of previous habits and history to give those words a probable feeling.

 

Right now - it sounds like a classic case of he likes hearing from you, and has some interest - but it's not enough for him to step forward.

 

NC or NiC is really the only way to see if he wants to talk to you enough to put himself out there.

[Doofus]

You're welcome, Naomi. I'm rooting for you.

[Naomi99]

Very very very very true. Many times people misinteprete emails because there's no tone or emotional cadence to the words. I think it's probably wishful thinking on my part too.

 

I am definitely not initiating any contact. I will look like a needy dependent girl if I do.

[Naomi99]

You're welcome, Naomi. I'm rooting for you.

 

 

Thank you, doofus.

 

BTW you are way too bright to be a doofus.