Self Hatred... please help but please dont flame me

[Nomad17]

I started a thread on here in Shyness, and this is connected to that thread, but more about my own problems, I know you take a risk opening up to complete strangers online, but please, because I really really need some help at the moment, Im very down and dont need to be ripped to shreds.

 

I recently found myself falling in love with someone, with whom I probably should not have allowed myself to do so. Thats not really my point here though, I didnt see it coming, and its not a bad thing in itself.

 

What worries me is the way Im dealing with it.

Im not sure if she knows, Im friends with her dad (that might need reiterating).

But Im not taking the uncertainty very well.

How I feel for her... is amazing, but whats gotten larger than this is my fear.

Ive had to cut myself off from them recently, because Im scared drama will follow, that I might draw attention to something I thought was obvious but may not be to them.

I cant even talk to him, theres too much at stake... losing a friend and forcing his acutely shy daughter further into her shell.

In the meantime, Im a mess, as I said, Im in total panic as a reaction to these emotions, and am terrified that I might do something stupid when it all goes horribly wrong. Ive convicned myself now that it will and has already begun to do so.

Im just about holding onto my job but cant really take any sick-leave, if I get much worse though I may have to.

Ive panicked every time Ive had these emotions in my life, and always come out the loser, obviously pushing people away. Im starting to have suicidal thougts because my nicest emotions always lead to me to pain and I cant take this repeatitive pattern anymore.

All I have at the moment now is fear and uncertainty, and Im losing my grip with no-one to turn to.

Please help.

[sadchick83]

I read your other post. Can you possibly send out some "feelers" with the Dad? Like maybe joke and say his daughter is very sweet/attractive, do something light, so you give yourself an out in case he bows you off.

 

Honestly, I've been worried/upset about things and very spangly will take an ativan (mild tranquilizer). It seems like your mind is spinning and you need to relax and approach this situation reasonably. If the Dad like you, he will help you out....

[OahuGrown808]

I know the feeling, man. I've been going through something similar, and the uncertainty is a mother ******. However, and I can't stress this enough, do NOT kill yourself -- please. I have a family member who has been through a few suicide attempts, and it wrecks havoc on the whole family. Trust me when I say that you would not just be hurting yourself, but everyone else who cares about you as well. As for dealing with these emotions, just do something that will distract you or calm you down. Personally, I smoke to relieve stress. Not the healthiest habit, I know, but it works. Hopefully, once you have your emotions under control, you will be able to approach the situation with a clear head.

[Nomad17]

Thanks to the both of you.

OahuGrown808 - realising that there are people who were seeing me suffer and where concerned, made any drastic action impossible...

Also, Ive just discovered a close friend from a decade ago was found dead 4 months ago by her sister, possibly suicide.

I think Ive been taught some very important lessons recently.

And my own sitaution has progressed into something I'd never have thought possible.

A happy ending... or beginning, rather.

 

[OahuGrown808]

Thanks to the both of you.

OahuGrown808 - realising that there are people who were seeing me suffer and where concerned, made any drastic action impossible...

Also, Ive just discovered a close friend from a decade ago was found dead 4 months ago by her sister, possibly suicide.

I think Ive been taught some very important lessons recently.

And my own sitaution has progressed into something I'd never have thought possible.

A happy ending... or beginning, rather.

 

 

Great to hear! So, assuming by the heart, you've had success with the girl. That's awesome, man. It gives guys like me hope. Keep us updated.

[Nomad17]

Ive found out that she felt the same way all along... but obviously I went to the edge and back before I discovered this.