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broken up for about a week now, and i found out she cheated

wanderer

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wanderer Community Regular

wanderer

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you might have read already that my girlfriend of 6 months dumped me about a week ago. well, today i found out from a mutual friend that she was messing around with another guy on at least one occasion while we were dating (we were about 2 months into it) it makes me very mad because i even asked her about it at the time, if the guy was hitting on her or anything (not because i was accusing her, just because i wanted to know if i should tell the guy that's she's my girlfriend and i'd appreciate it if he didn't hit on her) and she just said "don't worry about him, he's harmless" (they even used to date for about month, but it ended a few months before we started going out)

 

so now that you know the story, here's why i'm telling you. i want to confront her about this eventually, because i feel very offended and angry that she would let this go on for so long, with her knowing that i put my trust in her and i would do anything for her. i even bought her a ring because her previous one much like it had a missing piece, and this was after the party where she cheated on me and lied about it. i want to know how to confront her about it though, and when. we broke up about 6 days ago, and we haven't talked since. she doesn't know that i'm aware of her messing around with this other guy.

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shes2smart Grand Master

shes2smart

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I can understand why you're upset.

 

However, the two of you broke up...it's in the past, let it go. What would be the point of bringing it up now? Other than you getting to vent, there really is none. It won't change the past, and since you are no longer a couple, she doesn't have to answer to you for her actions any more.

 

She was cheating on you, you've broken up with her....on the whole, I'd say you're doing better than you were a few weeks back when you had a cheating girlfriend.

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shes2smart Grand Master

shes2smart

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i'm just so mad because she cheated on me, and i never found out, and then she dumped ME? it's really aggravating and i want her to know that i'm aware now of her little fling, and if i had known earlier, she would have probably been the dumped, not me.

 

It's understandable that you're upset and angry.

 

But I stand by what I said. I was in a similar situation...found out the guy I'd been living with cheated - later, after we were broken up, I found out about more instances of his cheating that I hadn't known about before.

 

I was very hurt and angry and wanted to call him on it - let him know I knew - but it wouldn't have made any difference. It didn't change anything, and to do so would've required me to have contact with him again.

 

Try to detach from the situation a little. If you were to contact her what would you want out of that interaction? It's unlikely that you will get any sort of satisfactory response -- if she apologizes, it won't be sincere enough; if she gets angry and fights back, she's still in the wrong; if she cries, they're just crocodile tears; if she says it's none of your business anymore, she's being a b*tch. No matter what kind of reaction she has, it won't be enough. If your intent is to pay back the hurt she caused, understand that this will come back to you. Letting it go makes you the better person. You may not see it now, but if that is the way she is, she will mess up her own life in grand style with no assistance from you.

 

Living well is truly the best revenge.

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