Our crazy kinda relationship, and the weird ending of it, I need help

[awesomeopposum]

I'll try and keep this short.

 

So we met almost 6 months ago and hit it off right away. She is very easy to get alone with. She moved back home for the summer about a week after we met, but continued to text each other everyday, sometimes talking on the phone or chatting on facebook. She was gone for about 4 of the months we knew each other, but I visited often. As we learned more about each other we got closer and closer. She became so open with me and told me everything even her biggest secrets she never told her best friends, and always came to me to talk about family and health issues or anything else bugging her. She trusted me allot. At the very beginning of July things really picked up, and we got affectionate with each other, like affectionate hugs, flirtatious touching, compliments, even playful biting from her and tickling. About mid July things started to pick up more, she was comfortable sleeping in the same bed as me knowing that she could trust me and feel safe with me. She would always say she missed me and couldn't wait for me to come and see her. When I did come see her she was always really excited and when I would walk in she would run up and give me a hug. The affection continued to build up and grow. In Mid August we even started kissing and making out. She was the one who asked me to kiss her. She then moved back and we were sleeping in the same bed often and making out constantly. She said she liked me, cared about me, had a huge amount of feelings for me, and was very attracted to me.

 

Then it all ended a couple weeks later. We had talked about how our actions weren't right in a non-dating situation, and decided to slow down. We never dated because she was starting college and didn't want a relationship until at least the first year was over in March. So I didn't think much of the slow down because I thought we agreed on it. But soon after she moved back she met another guy. She has allot of guy friends so I wasn't imminently concerned and figured the huge amount of affection she had for me, made me not worry. However time progressed and it seemed weird that she was capable of holding back everything for me for school, that something should have came through sometimes. So last week I asked her what was going on. She told me she thinks she has feelings for this guy she met and has been meaning to tell me for weeks. She told me her feelings for me were real and cares about me still, and said who know I may decide I still want to be with you come the end of school and not to completely give up on her. I asked her why she lost interest in me and she said because she views me more of a good friend that she can always count on.

 

I don't believe that. She said she is someone who has to really get to know the guy and know him for a long time before doing anything with him, and before dating him, took her a year to decide to date her one and only bf. We were friends became really good friends then had the whole relationship thing happen, so that makes no sense why she would suddenly think of me in that way. I think that for some reason she gave up everything we had for someone she didn't know, or seen something in me she didn't like. Besides if she was a good friend she would tell me instead of blowing me off all the time.

 

I don't think I did anything to turn her off. I am very sweet and nice to her, compliment her on more then just her looks, am always there to comfort her. I don't think I was to needy, I was never jealous, or if I was never showed it, never constantly need updates on how we were doing except when I started to sense something was wrong, she started the texting most of the time. I may have made myself to available, and may have not been a leader all the time, and maybe tried to please her, but I don't think it was to often. I wasn't boring, she after all started the kissing and affection. That doesn't mean I was to scared to, we just weren't dating and I didn't think she wanted that because she told me she was against that outside a relationship, but her feelings took over with me. I don't think I was boring her, we did do allot of fun things like go rock climbing and camping a few times over summer, I always made her laugh and cheer her up.

 

I just miss her touch, the way she looked at me, cuddling with her at night, her kisses and hugs, the way she always responded to my compliments, I miss it all and I want her back

 

Is it possible for me to get her back? I still have a chance, unless she is fooling around with this guy already, but she is apparently not like that so I don't know

 

have you ever gotten back with someone who you mutually ended it with?

 

Have you ever left someone mutually for another person only to realize your mistake?

[BlueEagle]

Is it possible for you to get her back? Yes, it's possible. Is it likely? Probably not. The whole spiel about you being a "good friend" that she can "always count on" is akin to the kiss of death in most situations. Don't get me wrong, I am big proponent that while in a relationship both individuals should be friends also, especially best friends, for it to work out, especially in the long-run. But, with this situation it sounds like she has neatly put you in the dreaded "friend zone" before the feelings could kick in, despite what she may have said. Perhaps a bit of uncertainty and doubt crept in her mind because she was starting college and didn't want to start a relationship, like you said. Then everything changed once she got into the college life and met someone else. This type of scenario happens a lot.

 

Sure, you can hold out hope that it might turn around for you and she'll see the light, but I just don't think it's very likely that she will. Something was missing early on in order to cement the friendship into a relationship. Most successful relationships have friendship + intimacy. She seems content with just your friendship. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's happened to most of us before. It's rough, I know. The best thing you can do is keep her friendship if you value her that way and date around yourself so you're not putting your life on hold for her. Maybe then she'll see that she missed a golden opportunity in being with a desirable guy that has a lot to offer.

[awesomeopposum]

She is someone who has to be friends with the guy first and know him for a long time. She believes in the friends first method, instead of getting to know them while dating. I just found it odd she would go from friends to this romantic loving scenario to just suddenly think of me as a friend again. I mean if we didn't have good morals the intensity of foreplay while making out could have easily lead to sex. I kept with it when I first told her how I felt and she viewed me as a friend again.

I do hope she changes her mind, and if she does ill likely take it. But like you said I will try dating other girls and not put my life on hold for this one.

[LDRohnos]

Don't hold onto this one. I'm not saying she isn't a good person or potentially *one day* may be a good partner but she's not mature enough for that yet. She's experimenting...finding herself. When a girl says "I need lots of time before moving into a relationship" that means, "I don't know what *I* want out of a relationship or a guy yet so I'm just window shopping."

 

The last girl I dated gave me the "I don't know's" throughout most of our relationship. She said she had feelings for me (even professed loving me) but she was just a very immature 26 year old that was literally just finding herself. She was scared of engaging into a "serious" relationship with me because she just wasn't ready for one. Instead she decided to tell me she was for a year while I sat there like a dummy waiting for her to come around. She never did...and that is not a surprise to me now. I was her first relationship and it showed, she didn't know if I was "the one" because she didn't herself know what she wanted yet. Don't put yourself into that kind of position. Find another girl that wants to give you what you're looking for!