is it still possible to be in love after you've cheated?

[lavenderdove]

Your desire to cheat has nothing at all to do with your GF... it is all about you and your desire to have your cake and eat it too... she could be the most perfect person in the world, but if you are selfish and feel a sense of entitlement to sleep with other women and lie to your GF about it, then that is a character defect in your and not her. People who do this repeatedly rarely are able to stay faithful for long, with any woman no matter how strong your feelings for her.

 

But you are naive in that most of the cheaters I know end up paying very dire consequences. What happens if you knock up a fling and end up with a child with a woman you don't particular care about, that you have to pay child support to for 18 years? Or your GF finds out, and gives you the heave ho, and only then do you realize how important she is to you. Or you break the hearts of your loved ones who lose respect for you. Or you pick up an STD that has long term consequences for yourself and your GF, and even a child if you pass HIV to it.

 

Many cheaters think it is 'just a bit of fun' until they experience one of those consequences, and if you do it long enough, you most likely will.

 

I think you need to take some time out and examine yourself and your motivation for cheating, and consider some counseling to discuss it with a professional. You probably should not be dating anyone seriously until you get to the bottom of this and find it within yourself to stay faithful, or else find a woman who believes in open relationships and doesn't care if you sleep with others and potential get an STD or knock another woman up.

[ED82]

I have not read the entire thread so I am only making my own judgments based on what I read in your first post and on self experience.

 

Your question can you love someone if you cheat on them this much... My answer to this would be no, the first time you cheat on someone is more than enough of an indicator that you do not actually love them. Love like everything in life is a choice, you actively choose to love someone on a daily basis if you decide one time to change that choice and cheat love goes out the window.

 

You could rationalise your cheating by saying its due to your insecurites or lack of something in the ralationship, personally there is really no excuse for cheating (once I thought there was but now I think different)

 

My best advice would be to leave this girl, get your head stright with all the problems of insecurity and actually finding out what you want and need in a relationship. You can not and do not love someone if you can cheat on them even if you feel guilty, guilt after the fact is one of the most selfish acts you can do as you show no thought about the cheating before you do it.

 

Leave this girl now and never let her find out you cheated on her, and do not jump into another relationship stright away give your self time to sort out what you want and need before you atempt another relationship.

[foolmeonce]

Your need to be loved and always in a relationship definitely stems from your childhood. Sounds like you had a crappy male role model growing up, making you feel unworthy because you and your mom(siblings) were not enough. So you now seek out the need to be 'needed' and loved in a relationship. My guess is the needier the woman, the more you are compelled to stay in the relationship to satisfy that need to be loved and useful to your partner. Maybe once you realize that you are worthy of a healthy, loving relationship can you break free of the unhealthy behavior which causes you to keep searching out the need to be wanted and loved by other woman, resulting in your cheating. And as someone who has been that 'other woman'...never forget or underestimate the pain and false sense of reality that you created for the other woman and your g/f because of your actions.

Good Luck!