My Roomate otherwise known as my Wife

[immune2u2]

I've been with my wife for 5 years now and just when you think things were going somewhat good, BAM! It's gone. Its been about a month and half since my wife left for what she told was her sisters b-day party, okay great have a good time, see you in a couple of days. Wrong! She ended up having a job interview in another city, hell in another state, well she took the job and found a roommate. Next thing I find out that this whole thing was premeditated. She had been planning on going down there for over a month. Little did I know. So me who has sworn "For better or worse, thick and thin yadda yadda yadda" decided I'll support her and that maybe she just needed to do this. She told me it would only be for 30 days. Next thing I know I'm getting calls saying that she has racked up credit card charges (were talking in the thousands). Luckily, we don't share a bank account since I'm in the military and I have the fraud prevention on my accounts so she can't use me.

 

I, Mr. Patient, Understanding, Loving and Caring said come back home we can work all this out, she tells me okay. Well this puts me to tonight, supposedly this job has offered her a bonus to work their longer or something, I'm sure it is a lie as well. She told me that she felt she should work for the money so she can pay some of this debt off, I asked her if she was coming back or not? Well, then she gets all bent out of shape and starts telling me that she tired of talking about it with me and she'll be home soon.

 

I'm flat sick and tired of it, I married young (18) and still have a lot of life left to go and a lot of love to give another woman. The only thing is is that I do still have feeling for her but I don't want to put up with her living somewhere else and coming back here to visit (have sex) then leave again. I know what I need to do but plain and simple, I'm scared to do it. Any suggestions?

[acral]

...But cut off all contact with her.

 

Most likely, she will come to you wanting to talk. She will ask you "do you have a minute" or something similar.

 

From there, work on it as your feel.

 

Your best bet is to let go, be nice to her and let it all die a natural death.

[CathyK]

I am embarrassed and sorry to say that I played this game with my first husband. I didn't want to hurt him or make him mad enough to throw me out and I wasn't sure I would make it on my own. I made up things to be gone and I would get very defensive if I thought he was being pushy. I also had a boyfriend and an apartment he knew nothing about. Little by little I got stronger and more sure of myself but until I did I told a lot of lies and did a lot of hiding. To this day I wonder how I got away with it for so long.

 

It ended in divorce. Like you, he was a very special man and he trusted me. I betrayed his love and friendship to go find out and live a new life. What I didn't know is that I had ended my marriage the 1st day I left

 

If it is any consolation, none of this is easy for her either. Living a lie is the hardest thing a person can do. Always worrying that the gig will be found out before you are ready.

 

I bet she loves you and doesn't want you hurt. She is scared. My advice to you and it would have worked with me but my husband didn't do it...

go to her new place of residence, when she isn't expecting you, ask her to come home with you and if she won't... walk away. Don't leave that door open. Even if you know you will take her back, don't let her know. Let her think you are on to her game and you are not playing.