dating-after a certain period -who should pay

[joe45]

we all now the first date who ever asks and it is usually the guy that asks that we pay. ok fine. but how about after the first date who pays? to the guys after how many dates do u expect the girl to chip in and say this is on me. and how often do u expect the girl to chip in-this is 50 to 50 or swap.

 

i for one think if a guiy has to pay for every date it can be expensive-especially if u don't make lots of money and u live on ur own and have to pay rent.

 

i even had one classmate before tell me he rents and is not rich , takes the bus he is in his 30's and said from his dating experience there are some women who like rich guys-and he said if ur rich u can get any women u want

[avman]

I think its fair to share the load with paying for dates. Most of us are not made of money and so we can't afford to pay for someone else all the time. Just talk to your date about it in advance so there isn't any awkward moments when the check arrives. I do think for the first date or two the person doing the asking should pay for it. But once you are dating regularly with someone you can share the expenses.

 

Yes, some women like rich guys. Some women like bodybuilders. Some like large guys. Others like small guys. You can't generalize like that. Every woman has a different preference. Just because a person is rich doesn't guarantee he'll get any girl he wants. And if you get a girl who only likes you for your money - well why would you want someone like that?

[shes2smart]

This is one topic where you're gonna have a lot of opinions. So, I thought I'd throw my 2 cents in from one extreme that you don't hear about very often.

 

When I was in college and as an under-30 adult, I was never comfortable with a guy paying my way -- even on a first date, and I would find some really crafty ways around it. I've always been very independent and for the longest time, a guy paying my way felt like he was trying to buy me off. I'd rather buy my own dinner and feel free to enjoy (or not enjoy) his company.

 

It made for some awkward situations, and some weird interpretations of my intentions/behavior. Still, I wouldn't change what I did. A really good male friend of mine broke me of this...well, a little bit. He explained to me (over & over & over) that the way he was raised, if a man went out with a woman, he paid, period. No matter what their relationship (friends, relatives, gf/bf, spouses) he paid.

 

You can imagine what it was like when we'd go out to eat and they brought the check at the end.

 

He kept after me about it, and eventually, I learned the fine art of receiving a gift gracefully.

 

While I never did get comfortable with the guy paying my way all the time, I did get to the point where I was ok with it in the initial stages of the relationship. I guess it's more common for women to expect the guy to pay all the time, but you need to know there are some of us at the opposite end of the spectrum.....and we'd prefer to buy our own damn dinner

 

~s2s

[Nifty_Swifty1]

Well, my ex was a friking mooch so I know that you can't pay for everything. The only other thing I have to compare it to is my friendship with one of my female friends, but we fight over who GETS to pay. We both want to be a blessing to the other, so when we have money we pay for the others meal. In that case its ether who ever has money that week, or we flip a coin. (I try and drop it and win so I can pay, but she does the same thing)

 

Dating shouldn't be about what you can get from the other person. It should be about what you can give. Now if she isn't giving anything then you should get out because a one sided relationship will never work. I use the paying thing as a judge of her intentions and understanding of a relationship.

[JT]

This is one of the reasons I broke up with my ex girlfriend. I make a good salary and enjoy taking her out once in awhile, however she became so obsessed with it that it was "expected". I would chip in for groceries sometimes, however she really never cooked. We often had meat that would spoil in our house, which was a complete waste of money. I understand she works full time and in school, so I would bring her food like every night of the week. It became VERY expensive and eventually I asked her if she could help out. She makes a good salary too and her parents paid for her schooling. She did nothing but complain and tell me that she wanted a man "with money". Well I do make a mid 70k salary, pay rent, have car and pay for her lavish dinners, but with all the takeout I was spending way too much. This amongst other things was a source for our arguments often. Eventually I cut it off after two years and this was a major reason. She needs to find Mr. Rich.. and he's not gonna put up with her BS so basically I spoiled her too much.

 

JT

[Kittengirl]

Well being a modern girl I NEVER expect to be paid for. I think it's very sad when women expect guys to pay for everything and a blow to all women when females think looking pretty should be paid for! I always pay my way and if my fiance insists on paying I pay the next time we go out. There is nothing wrong with being treated now and again but what about treating the guy too?

[Mermaid]

My boyfriend and I are both broke at the moment ( so we generally take turns paying for each other, and we also pay for ourselves sometimes. If it were up to him, he'd pay for everything--but until he's done with school and making decent money, that would be impossible. Besides, I like paying for him sometimes, too. It makes me feel good.

 

Besides, he's ridiculously thoughtful and generous. For my birthday in July, he took me to a jewelry store and bought me a ruby (my birthstone) solitaire with little diamonds on the band. And he's always thinking of me. When he decided to buy a new iPod with a larger capacity, he gave me his old one instead of selling it! He does this all the time--my bedroom is filled with with all the little things he buys or gives me to let me know he's thinking about me.

 

So, when I get the chance to buy him dinner or pay for him to see a movie (or whatever the situation), of course I do. He does the same for me--and more.

[Bjourne]

This is how you do it:

 

Beg your parents to pay for your dates. Cause if they don't pay tell them you cant afford any dates and thereforeeee wont get any girls and then become a depressed looner with no life. They can't argue with that so they will have to give you the money.

 

Then tell the girl you can't afford to pay for her. If she dumps you because of that she didn't deserve the date in the first place and wasn't at all interested in you. Most girls wont do that.

 

So there ya go, totally FREE dates! The best part is that if you make an issue of paying for your stuff with coins instead of bills and she is a really nice girl she might even pay for you too! So you EARN money by dating! How awesome!

[joe45]

doesn;'t make sense i think most gals want men to pay for their dates for sure the first couple of dates, if a gal is willing to pay her half after the first or second date she a keeper

 

This is how you do it:

 

Beg your parents to pay for your dates. Cause if they don't pay tell them you cant afford any dates and thereforeeee wont get any girls and then become a depressed looner with no life. They can't argue with that so they will have to give you the money.

 

Then tell the girl you can't afford to pay for her. If she dumps you because of that she didn't deserve the date in the first place and wasn't at all interested in you. Most girls wont do that.

 

So there ya go, totally FREE dates! The best part is that if you make an issue of paying for your stuff with coins instead of bills and she is a really nice girl she might even pay for you too! So you EARN money by dating! How awesome!