Problem with NC

[rainbox]

I need advice. I have read the forum for the past couple weeks, and posted once when I felt like sending mail to my ex. From what I learned, NC has to be enforced in order to get over somebody and that is what I did, but now I have problem with it.

Little background first. I'm in senior year in college now. I met her in first year in college, we were really close friends then and the next year be got together. We were together a little more then a year, but some 6 months after we broke up, we were still trying to make it work (we were together a week, then we didn't talk the next but we always got together again..). In July, I told her that I can't be with her (I had a reason to do that, she lied to me, but that isn't really related to my question). That was the last time we talked in person, after some 20 days from then she sent me an sms congratulating me on something I did, I responded couple days later by simply saying thank you and nothing more. I blocked her on MSN, Skype, facebook, and all the other things we used to communicate in free time. The problem is, we study together and my class is relatively small, only 14 people. I do everything that is in my power to avoid her: on the breaks if she is in the classroom, I go out; if she goes out, I stay there, I never look at her when she talks, nor when she doesn't, and it's been going good. One month passed, and I didn't say a single word. But I got lucky, in September she was sick a lot and didn't attend school, then I was, so I didn't have many chances to screw up. My problem is not that I want to talk to her, because I really don't. I am happy when she is not around, much happier than when we were together, even though there are (rarely) times when I think about her when I'm home (I guess it's because I see her everyday). The problem is that, when she is around, I can't do things like I do them normally. I am all happy and chatty, and when she walks in the classroom and I see her, I immediately start feeling bad. I get that weird feeling in my stomach and according to me, it's all because I feel a need to get out off there. I don't want want to talk to her, I don't wanna say a single word to her, and even the NC is on my side, but I just can't run till the end of the year, it's just too tiring. I don't like her behavior in school, because I know what she is truly like. I hate it when I see how she manipulates others; my school day would be some much better if she was somewhere far away, but since she is not, I have to find a way to feel better in school.

I felt really bad after I broke up with her; I knew it was the right thing to do, but it hurt a lot nevertheless. I am afraid that if I start talking a little when I have to, for example when she is together with my friends (talking to my friends; talking to her only when she asks me something), the bad feelings may come back. So what do you think that I should do? Continue with the NC, and under no circumstance talk to her, or behave like I would if I didn't know her at all, and talk when I want to? Just to be clearer, I am not afraid that I will start talking a lot with her and will want us to be in a relationship again.

P.S. Total NC is hard because we are not many people in school, and we used to hang out with the same ones and now when she is with them, I have to go someplace else, plus when we are discussing something in class, and I don't agree with her opinion, I just have to be silent and say nothing.

[rainbox]

Since I have briefly wrote what has happened between us, and you already know the story, I want to ask one more question. I still haven't thrown away anything she gave me. I don't know what is the reason for that, but looking objectively I guess I feel safer this way and am a bit afraid to do it. There is this picture she gave me on our anniversary of the two of us together, a jacket (which I don't wear since we broke up), and many little things which I keep in a box. Should I throw them away or keep them so that I can be reminded of her on some future date? (I don't want to be reminded now, but who knows what I will want in the future) I haven't deleted the last ~50 sms she wrote me, I was planning to read them once again and then do it. Also I haven't deleted the emails we exchanged, do you usually keep those kind of stuff after a break-up? Will getting rid of everything speed up the process, so I can see her as no more than a stranger?

[Mesemene]

It's difficult when your life puts you in the same location as an ex on a daily basis.

 

I wouldn't necessarily avoid your friends, just make sure to have as little to do with her as possible. If she says hi, a small handwave is enough. Acknowledge, but don't invite conversation. Communicate the same way you would with a co-worker you're not fond of - civilly when needed, without inviting familiarity or personal talk. No reason you should have to stay isolated from your friends because she's there - just think of her as a less-than-welcome part of the environment that will creep into your personal space at times.

 

As for the items - it's up to you, how you feel. But the electronic communication, I'd either save to a flash drive or delete it. No need to have those messages and emails hanging around on items you use every day. I had a bonfire with my exes stuff... and what I didn't get rid of/burn, I kept tucked far far away until I just didn't care one way or the other, and then tossed it.