Little Survey: Do Men Prefer Ice Maidens Or Needy Girls?

[Cheeky_DeeDee]

I simply would like to know what men prefer....

 

DEFINITIONS

 

Ice Maidens - Adopts the policy of 'Treat them mean, keep them keen" , are often 'cold' and distant towards people, proves to be a challenge, mysterious, hates public displays of affection, don't make themselves too available & are often busy, etc

 

Needy Girls - Are usually available & if they're not they will cancel plans for their partner, are very affectionate even in public places, generous, always remembers small insignificant details about people to show them how much they care, etc

 

Now I just know you are all going to answer "Needy Girls" (or tell me that you'd like a happy medium - but that doesnt count for this so tough); This will certaintly be the case for girlfriend material simply because of qualities such as the fact that they are affectionate, cuddly, generous, sweet, blah blah blah..

 

I have quite a few male friends and they all claim that they LOVE a challenge, women that aren't upfront and in their faces, women who have an air of mystery about them... They are all describing a typical Ice Maiden...

 

Anyone care to clarify things for me as I am TOTALLY confused now..?

[RayKay]

I am not a guy but I don't think your description of what a Needy Girl is accurate though. Needy Girls are clingy, pressuring, etc.

 

Most men do like a challenge (and so do women as well!) but it is possible to still be a generous & genuine, affectionate person, fulfill the man's emotional needs and still retain your independence and be aloof - presenting a challenge. Women who have an air of mystery about them and leave the guy with mixed messages, are not necessarily Ice Maidens either - being distant does not mean being cold either or being mean! I don't think your guy friends are necessarily saying they want an Ice Maiden, but someone who is independent, yet they will still want their emotional and physical needs met.

[Cheeky_DeeDee]

Hi there!

 

Thanks for the reply - I know exactly what you mean and thanks for adding your own comments to the definitions, as I wasn't sure how much detail to include in my post!

 

So guys, take into account RayKay's comments plz!!

[RKing1]

From my experience in relationships, I noticed that I do like a challenge to a certain extent depending on how atracted I am to the girl. But I would prefer a Needy Girl. The girl that I am wanting to hook up with is sort of an Ice Maiden, shes not mean or anything just mysterious and distant. I am very interested in her but if she continues to act this way farther down the road when we get to know eatchother better I will soon lose interest. So hopefully she is just acting this way to attract me and will soon turn to a needy girl. Hope this helps.

[AzurePhoenix]

Interesting question.

 

I would have to say that I tend toward the "Needy Girl" (bad name).

 

My experiences are such that the most meaningful experiences and relationships I have had are with the "needy girl" types.

 

The "Ice Princesses" in my experience are shallow, self-centered and out for fun and "the chase".

 

While this is my personal preference, it all has to do with what we are looking for in a relationship. Perhaps a better question would be to identify the different styles of "Love", describe them and have the members pick the top two that most describe best what they are looking for in a realationship.

 

~AzurePhoenix

[ComputerGuy]

I hate the "Ice Maiden" sort of girl...treat me like crap and I won't even try. I hate being treated badly even if it reverse psychology...I'm not a mind reader and while they may think it is fun or a game....I'm not laughing or enjoying it. Basically with me it's treat me how you want to be treated....If you're interested in me, be nice, be friendly and you have a chance. Be mean and you may as well give up now.

[lunatic]

Well I like a woman who is available emotionally and physically. So I guess I would have to say that I like the in-between woman. I don't want a clingy needy person but, I like my woman to be emotional and available.

 

I would say I prefer the clingy type myself.

 

 

[Derek]

lol,

 

Of course, guys would prefer someone with a balance in between.

But you asked which to choose.

 

I was thinking for a first pass I would choose the Ice Queen and see if I could melt her. While the Needy Girl would probably always be needy.

 

But as I thought of it some more, maybe if you loved the Needy Girl like she loved you, then she would blossom and become more independent.

 

But if neither ever had the possibility of change, I guess settling for the Needy Girl would be an uncomfortable but livable option.

 

 

[mtastic]

Hi Cheeky DeeDee,

 

This is the way I look at it: If you're asking me to simply pick netween the two, I'd pick the needy girl because (and I know this sounds selfish), I'd rather be treated like a king than treated like crap. I also realize I am a fairly needy guy, so that makes a needy girl even more attractive in a way, because at least initially it seems as if we're totally devoted to one another (I think this actually might have been the case with my ex).

 

I also think this might have alot to do with personal experience, as in junior high and my freshman year of highschool several of the ice princess girls decided it would be fun to constantly play games with me. This sort of lead me to realize that the "ice princesses," though in most cases initially more attractive, were in the long run not the better choice. Plus for someone like me who's had self-esteem problems, the needy girls always seemed a little bit more attainable than the ice princesses, and of course it always seemed obvious that they would treat me much better than an ice princess ever would.

 

I have no idea how this is gonna sound to everybody else, but its my honest opinon on your question, and I can't say it speaks for all guys.

 

I'll be interested to see the other responces as well,

mtastic

[ck]

Since you only mentioned 2 and (of course you wouldn't put anybody in a normal category)I prefere the needy type because atleast the show they care about you and I don't give a rats butt about challenge those sort of women turn out to be full of themselves, concited, and controling.

 

By the way needy isn't showing your man you care, and you want to know his position on things, it just means you aren't all about yourself which in a relationship you can't be.

 

Ice queens are for the birds and they can have them.

[bestfootforward]

the funny thing is that a needy girl can dump you when you least expect it. Funny like a car crash.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

given the choice between the two I would be single. Icy people in general drive me crazy. My ex was a bit on the icy side... well a lot, and I just couldn't handel it. She drove me cracy. I've never dated a needy girl becouse they drive me nuts before I ever have a chance to date them.

 

I'll never date anyone that even shows a hint of being cold again, and I've never been able to deal with the overly needy type, so...

[Noggy27]

I have dated both types of women.

 

The needy girl was very comforting to have and I trusted her a lot more. I knew that no matter what I did she would be there for me. It kinda made me a bit mean to her to be honest and I took her for granted. I always knew that no matter what I said or did she would cry a bit and then hug me. I hated that. I wanted a woman who could stand on her own two feet and felt that I had no one to turn to when I was stressed because if she cant look after herself then how is she going to look after me when I am there.

 

The icemaiden is a cold woman indeed. I took upon the challenge to be with her but put up with constant abuse and harassement. At first I saw it as a challenge to melt the ice as Derek said but after I while I realised I was alone in this relationship and the trust between us was flaky. I couldnt commit to a woman who showed signs of being able to tear me apart emotionally at any moment. She actually ended up making me slightly needy due to reverse phychology and slightly less confident. Have you ever heard of the term "hes under the thumb?" well thats what Icemaidens do to men.

[planb]

Interesting question. It got me thinking about in which role I fit. I think that in some relationships, I am the ice maiden and in others i am the needy girl - can anyone explain that? do you think it's just based on my interest level in the other person, their personality, or both?

[Cheeky_DeeDee]

WOW, thanks to everyone for their replies!

 

The main reason why I've asked this particular question is because I am really confused at the moment!

 

To cut a long story short, I was with ym ex for 4 years however, we split up last year - it was kind of mutual as we were both miserable & arguing a lot but it still tore me apart..

 

Took me a year to even contemplate being in a relationship because I was scared of going through all that pain and anguish again! I am now in a relationship though..

 

During my single year I was a complete Ice Maiden as i wanted no-one to get 'too near' & now I've turned into a sort of Needy Girl..

 

What's driving me crazy is that why do men chase after Ice Maidens (like my current boyfriend chased me before we got togethor) but once they have you & you start to WANT to spend time with him, etc he back off?

[OceanEyes]

I've spent most of my late teens and early 20's being the typical role you've described as the "Ice Maiden". I can actually remember pulling a few very regretable moves on guys I've dated in the past (ie. knowing a guy really liked me and standing him up for a date to go out with another guy, dating a guy for six months on and off, then dumping him to go out with his best friend of like 15 years, etc.). I've pulled some really horrible things and am pretty ashamed to have done so at this point.

 

When I met my boyfriend that all changed. He was the only guy I ever really wanted to be with all the time. At first with him I was more distant, but the more time I spent with him, the more I wanted to open up and be totally honest. I could never have intentionally hurt him, and couldn't even imagine the thought of leaving him for someone else. More than a year later I feel exactly the same.

 

What I'm saying here, is that all it took for me to change my ways was to meet the right guy. Now both he and I spend most of our free time together (so much that both his and my friends make fun of us), we share everything and are totally happy just hanging out and crying on each other's shoulders. So I would say that I was a total Ice Maiden before I met my man. He's the only one who I've ever been needy with and it's totally fine with me, and him.

[red12]

Never had a gf before but this girl that im dating right now is a Ice Maiden. It's so hard to not do any thing with her for a week. I was really interested in her but now im starting to lose it. But when we hang out do things together its like i recharged my batteries then again i think i perfer a needy chix but a challenge is good.

[jbw65]

As several others have observed the in-between girl is the best. Ice Queens are the ones that are fascinating as men we can get "caught in the glare", thinking, "Do I have what it takes the melt the ice?". Men love to be competitive. Just ask all the NASCAR and football watching types out there. An ice queen provides that challenge or the sense of competition. If you can develop a longer term relationship with an ice queen you have the satisfaction of having done something that others could not. However, in my personal experience relationships where both partners are not emotionally available to communicate and mature together as challenges present themselves rarely have long term success. Ice queen implies an inability to be emotionally available, while "needy" implies an imbalance in which one half of the partnership needs disproportionately more support and encouragement. This can quickly lead to frustration for the partner attempting to provide that support.

[sweetharmony]

I think jbw65 said it best. one or the other is not balanced. I think men love the challenge. granted, i've been an ice queen over the years, after being hurt and disillusioned many times. I find that whenever I do put my wall up, men are more eager to break down my wall. at some point, if a woman is interested in a man, she needs to let her guard down a bit and show her emotions- or a relationship cannot grow and endure.

 

I am skeptical and do not trust easily. a man who is patient will win my heart. after 6 1/2 mos w/ my current boyfriend, did i first start letting my wall down. he has shown that he is stable, caring, and committed, and now I shower him with the love he now deserves. he has proved that he is is in it for the long haul. i do not easily "fall" in love. love develops over time. i will not try and win someone's heart by buying them things and showering them with affection. a man has to earn my affections. and, if he's patients, he will realize that i am one of the most caring, loving, committed, stable, free-spirited, low-maintenance, independent girlfriend.

 

some ice queens may have been needy women in the past. they have deep emotions, but are afraid to get hurt. they are independent and do not rely on any man. but if the right person can soothe their fears, and prove committed, they might just be in for a normal, stable, growing relationship w/ a best friend.

[jubal]

The girl I'm seeing right now is an "ice maiden" of sorts. She likes to play little mind games and acts mean (in a playful way). I'm a very patient and somewhat passive guy, so I think we compliment each other's personalities. The barbs and insults that we throw at one another actually serve to spice the relationship up. There is this electricity or sexual tension that exists between us that is encouraged by our banter. I love the challenge and her iciness keeps things exciting and makes her affection that much more meaningful.

Underneath her icy exterior she is really a sweetheart and a very warm, caring person. She just only let's her guard down when we're alone. Sometimes, when she takes her act a little too far and says something particularly mean (even in jest, some things can really sear) and she sees that I'm hurt, she'll drop the icy facade, call me an idiot, and tell me how much I mean to her.

Of course, people don't neatly fit into dichotomous categories, so the question is what side of the spectrum do you tend toward. I like the challenge that an "ice maiden" creates...