Breaking up because of too much fighting

[gluestick]

One of the most common reasons why a lot of couples break up is due to fighting. A lot of times we realize, only in retrospect, that the fights were stupid and really trivial. I guess that's where the saying comes from, to know when to pick your battles. It's true that your emotional maturity and how you communicate in your relationship greatly influence the fighting behavior. Every person's personality and tolerance level is different and what kind of family environment they're raise in can also influence this behavior. At what point do you think this is this seen as "normal" relationship behavior vs incompatibility?

[doiiiieeezie]

For me, and it is what I am facing at the moment is when two people cannot see eye to eye on basic issues that hinder communication.

[Fudgie]

I think that both partners should be of about the same emotional maturity and prefer the same communication skills.

 

Some fighting is over trivial stuff, but I think some fighting is also over "Big stuff". You should pick a partner that matches you on the "big issues" so that you'll be compatible for long-term. This issues include: views on monogamy, views on marriage, goals for the relationship, views on children (do you want them? Abortion?), birth control, raising children (if you both want them), managing money, and goals in terms of lifestyle for the future...

[thejigsup]

People should NEVER fight! They should have disagreements that they discuss and iron out like adults. When it escalates into yelling, that means someone does not have their bigboy/girl pants on. I never raise my voice to my partners, or very seldome, but I don't let things slide, either. No couple is ever going to think alike on everything or do exactly as the other person thinks is right. Ain't gonna happen. But, just because you disagree doesn't mean you have to be disagreeable, does it? In my last two relationships we fought (not discussed, fought) about three or four times total. It CAN be done and your relationships will last a long time if you do this. One relationship lasted for seven years and the other one lasted for eleven. It works.

[Fudgie]

I agree with you, jigs. I've had disagreements in the past with partners but nothing involved yelling (at least, not on my side!).

 

People think I'm a little weird for not "fighting" with my partners but really, I just don't want to. It's easier just to talk things out calmly like an adult!

[Kaytie]

I agree. I've had mainly miscommunication or misunderstandings in my relationships - nothing that was disrespectful or rude. However, I do know that some people lose their cool and raise their voice occasionally and I can handle passion/emotion as long as the respect is still there. That's key for me.

 

People should NEVER fight! They should have disagreements that they discuss and iron out like adults. When it escalates into yelling, that means someone does not have their bigboy/girl pants on. I never raise my voice to my partners, or very seldome, but I don't let things slide, either. No couple is ever going to think alike on everything or do exactly as the other person thinks is right. Ain't gonna happen. But, just because you disagree doesn't mean you have to be disagreeable, does it? In my last two relationships we fought (not discussed, fought) about three or four times total. It CAN be done and your relationships will last a long time if you do this. One relationship lasted for seven years and the other one lasted for eleven. It works.