Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?!

[Northerner2011]

I know it's history now with my ex-girlfriend who was abusing both emotionally and physically while I was with her for over a year. When I left her by leaving her community back to my hometown, which was last November, I experienced 'flashbacks' and everything around me didn't seem to exist normally. All I could remember was our times together, especially the negative ones. And I missed her so much that I brought her back couple of months later (which was a mistake). Several months later, she was sent back to her hometown by Social Services and the Court. And those 'flashbacks' and the negative feelings or remembering the bad times was back to me. So much so that I ended up seeing a shrink (no punt intended) to get help.

 

Fast forward to today. I got a new girlfriend and for some reason, the 'flashbacks' would pop up with my ex-girlfriend. Even though my new girlfriend is completely different, I don't know why the flashbacks would pop up. I don't understand why this would happen and I don't like it. My new gf is a complete angel, she doesn't abuse me and she shows respect and consideration to me...

[SuperBearGo]

When you have been abused it's hard to make the memories and feeling (anger, confusion) or what ever your feeling go away. it's good that your getting help to get through it! do you feel it's working? and it's good that you found someone who treats you good. i was in a badly abusive relationship and two years later every now and again it still comes back to me. maybe you could write a letter not to send but just to get all your emotions off your chest, everything you wish you could have said to her about what she's done to you, write about how you feel about everything. everything you associate with that part of your life. then when your done burn it, and well your burning it try to picture in your head that meaning a new start all your feeling (what ever negative feeling you have) vanishing with the flame, a new start a new beginning. someone suggested it to me and i tried it, & it helped . as long as your trying to overcome this bad part of your life, don't worry sooner or later the memories will fade. my therapist said "the goal is to get to the point where you can talk about what happened to you and not be emotionally attached to it"......stay strong, the wounds will heal with time

[Capricorn3]

As long as you don't take it out on the new girlfriend. Is she aware of what happened in your past relationship? If not, she needs to know the full story. Also, continue with your counselling as it seems you are still not over what happened.

[Northerner2011]

As long as you don't take it out on the new girlfriend. Is she aware of what happened in your past relationship? If not, she needs to know the full story. Also, continue with your counselling as it seems you are still not over what happened.

 

Now that you mention this, my gf would tell me that I'd get angry at her when we would go out to mostly socialize with friends. I'd have a few too many and I started treating her like dirt and I'd leave her while I go home alone. When she told me that the next day, I felt bad about it. Yet, she would forgive me and go from there. It happened more than a few occasions and I usually don't go out much. My gf likes to go out every weekend and there are times when I'd rather stay home now when she goes out alone with her friends.

As for both me and her, we did talked about our past relationships and we both respect each other. I guess I need to cut down...

[renno]

Hi Northerner. This is tough, and I think it is great that you have been so honest about how you are feeling and about how it may be impacting your current relationship. Cutting down is probably a good idea, but I think it is probably also a good idea to continue with the professional help a little longer so that your past is not taking too much of a toll on you or your current relationship. If the new girl is healthy, she is not going to want to suffer someone else's misdeeds. Would you?

 

I can somewhat relate to the flashbacks you are having. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, and despite the professional help I received, I found myself "flashing back" to things my ex would say to me - and expecting that men I was dating were trying to control and manipulate me when they most likely were not. The truth is, we are never going to meet healthy and normal people when we have our "guard up" or when we are always jumping to the defensive. We also are never going to feel like we are in a healthy relationship until we get over that "walking on eggshells" feeling. An experience with an unhealthy person does not make us unhealthy, and it does not mean that everyone we date after them will be unhealthy, right? If your girlfriend is supportive - and it sounded from your first post at least that she is.... and if she understands that this past relationship is a part of you, you owe it to her to give her the best "you" that you can give her. I think you should see if you can't try switching psychiatrists or counselors and working through this with someone who is a paid professional. The goal is to be happy, and not to let these past experiences ruin our future. I think from your post it sounds like you have done all the right things... but, you would have to admit that you are not quite there yet.

 

A big cyber hug to you!

[Northerner2011]

Both me and my gf had a talk last night concerning ourselves and our newfound relationship. We both admitted that we've been going out too much (although on weekends only) and decided to cut back drinking (only to socialize with friends or family). We also have our plus and minuses, just like any other couple, and we want to keep our realtionship on par. Even though it's been almost 4 months since we've first met, we already had our 'up & downs' along the way.

 

As for my flashbacks, they'd come and go but not as bad as it was from the previous ones. I try not to think too much or dwell of my last relationship with my ex-gf anymore and my new gf understands. I guess I'm still in the grevience process and still needs a little more time to heal altogether...