KidGuitar2 Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Hey all, I think I just need a few people to tell me to get out of this in strong words. I moved in with a girl I'd been dating long distance for 3 months. Mistake number one.. I know. During this long distance time I knew she was self mutilating and feigning suicide all the time. I believed that this was a result of the abusive environment she had when living with her mother. She was a really nice girl. Anyways our reltionship became very rocky with her being very needy and attention craving and me liking my space. Got in several bad arguments and must have broken up for periods of 2 days to 2 weeks and least 15 times. Anyways, I ended up kicking her out one night after a bad fight. She went to live with one of our mutual friends, a guy. Spent two months of NC. During this period of NC, the mutual friend kept talking to me to take her back as she was very nice and one of the coolest girls he'd ever met and cute to boot. I kept standing my ground feeling that although this girl was nice and my first love, she couldnt do anything on her own, throug her experiences... I know. But I did'nt want to feel the weight of her world on my shoulders anymore. Ended up rethinking everything one night and met up with her for coffee. She told me she missed me and we kept things on the low. Found out she'd been sleeping with mutual friend during NC. One night about a week after we'd hung out again she jumped me and said she loved me afterwards. I told her I wanted to say it, but to make sure that things were on level ground again. She went home and jumped mutual friend. Anyways, I freaked and called things off. Then called back and apologized. I really wanted to work things out with her. Kept doing things like this out of confused emotions as anytime she wasnt hanging out with me she was with him, I got very jealous. She ended up saying she wanted things off for good and felt that mutual friend was better for her, yet wanted to date me for 3 months to make up for lost times and strengthen the firndship. Anytime I tried to leave for good she made me feel guilty and I ended up staying. Im just having such a hard time forgiving myself for getting angry at tome of the things I did and accepting that this relationship is better for her and to move on. She still tells me she loves me, and I tell her back. Its not healthy, things have been taking a bad turn for me due to this, my job, my health, my sleep, my self esteem. She comes over and makes out with me and claims that she's not doing anythign sexual with this guy as she's holding out for marriage with him. Someone tell me to get my butt out of here! Link to comment
rich46 Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 FOR GOD'S SAKE, GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF THERE!!!!!! You deserve better. End of story. Link to comment
lunatic Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 HEY GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF THERE!!!!! Get some self respect and dump this woman and the mutual friend. I cannot even imagine what it would be like to sleep with someone one of my friends slept with YUCK! Do yourself a favor and start the no contact rule NOW! Move on you deserve better than this and you need to find someone who will respect your space. Good luck, Hubman Link to comment
Carthiana Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Actions speak louder than words... so in her case, she wants you to believe what she says, but behind the smoke and mirrors, is the real her acting as she chooses. Tell her this, and then walk away. You made your choice, now she makes hers. Link to comment
Jake212 Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF THERE!!! DONT WALK, RUN..... You have no reason to feel gulity about anything and u know it.... your young, live man live..... Link to comment
Jake212 Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Did I mention RUN and RUN Fast.... Link to comment
light bulb Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Actions speak louder than words... so in her case, she wants you to believe what she says, but behind the smoke and mirrors, is the real her acting as she chooses. Tell her this, and then walk away. You made your choice, now she makes hers. This advice is so true...it's something I tend to forget though. You need to get out of this situation NOW. Go move back home or something...this girl needs professional help and that's not you. It's kind hearted of you to want to help her, but you can't. Move on before something really bad happens! Link to comment
Jake212 Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Move on before something really bad happens! She right Link to comment
RayKay Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Get out. She is draining your energy obviously and that is not something you need to deal with. She needs some growing to do, and you cannot be the one to carry her through it - but you already knew this anyway from the first time you broke it off If she does grow up and find herself, maybe as more complete people you two will work out, but not until then. So for now, let her go. Good luck, and feel free to vent here. Link to comment
Jake212 Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Kid, Just so you know I'm not taking your post lightly, I dated a guy for 8 months who was an alcoholic, I thought I could "save" him, but in cases like these you cant. They are just going to suck the life out of you and completely crush your self-estem, this girl needs professional help and I dont want you to go down with her because that is what will happen. Your young and have a chance a some real relationships, dont cheat yourself. Link to comment
KidGuitar2 Posted August 31, 2004 Author Share Posted August 31, 2004 Cool, thank you all for your words. I guess what I have really learnt in this situation is that you cannot be someone's white knight. You have to love a person for who they are in the moment and not whom they have the potential to be. Thank you again. Link to comment
RayKay Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Cool, thank you all for your words. I guess what I have really learnt in this situation is that you cannot be someone's white knight. You have to love a person for who they are in the moment and not whom they have the potential to be. Thank you again. No, we are not here to "rescue" someone, though we can be there to offer support (just don't be a crutch!). And yes, you love a person for who they are now...but also for who they grow into, and for where they have grown from. But you cannot just love someone for who they MIGHT be - not fair to them, or to yourself Link to comment
Carthiana Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Don't get caught up in thinking white-knight means being a saviour for someone where they are failing, but someone that holds the key elements that totally compliment someone. THAT is a true white knight, the real person that matches you and really becomes your equal, and your partner. Link to comment
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