Is he just not that into me?

[Oliviaa]

Been talking and going out on a few dates for the past month. We can talk for hours about meaningful stuff, and seem to get on really well. We've made out twice, but that is all. Usually talk everyday/every other day. Our last proper convo was initiated by him, and was asking me if I was out available for a drink as he was in area, and also, that he wanted to arrange another date soon.

 

But then we didn't contact each other for 4 days. I was waiting for him to initiate contact. Maybe he was waiting for me? Anyhow, on the 4th night of not hearing from him I sent him a short, upbeat text telling him that I'd watched a movie he recommended and really enjoyed it. Due to the lack of contact, I'd assumed he'd "poofed" and was surprised when I received a really enthusiastic and jolly reply, full with emotions and questions asking me further about how I'd found the film etc

 

So now I don't know what to think or how to play it. Was gutted that he had gone from asking me out on dates, telling me we had "clicked" so well, to suddenly not hearing from him! But now he seems really friendly, and genuinely pleased to hear from me. Maybe I'm overreacting. But if he was into me he would have contacted and asked me out on a date? Should I start moving on? What are your thoughts?

[Princess123]

Move on. He seems to be a roller coaster.

[Captain Obvious]

If you were into him would you have contacted him and asked him out on a date? Why play the waiting game, do you hope to prove that he will be there at your feet whenever you want to be contacted first? Ask him about the drinks.

[Day_Walker]

The guy is either going to ask you out or he isnt, I wouldnt put your life on hold, if he doesnt ask soon then he probably wont.

[Fudgie]

Sounds like he's into you, from the sounds of it. Are you going on a date again?

 

How ironic would it be if he was like "well, I initiated last contact, I'll wait for her to contact me!" while you were doing the same thing! End result: no one contacts anyone and feelings get hurt.

 

Funny, real funny.

[i19]

i have waited 4 days or more to call a girl back. because I read a stupid online thing that said to wait a few days.....man I do not do that anymore.

 

from my perspective as a man he is into you, you should have no reservations with regards to the issues you raise

[jaysmaury]

As I wrote to a different post recently:

 

At this point, the chase is over because he knows he can have you. 90% of the fun that guys have is in the chase. I can't explain it, but I've done it countless times. I really think I like a girl and really enjoy those first few dates and enjoy the flirtation and knowing she's into me. Then the chase is over and the interest level plummets very quickly. Take solace in knowing that it is likely not anything to do with you but just the way a guys brain works.

 

However, how old is the guy? If he is mid 30's or older I would think this wouldn't apply because he would be at the point of wanting to settle down.

[emilybravo]

This happened to me recently, where I thought the guy wasn't interested due to lack of contact. I was discussing it on this thread:

 

Main difference between your situation and mine is that your guy sounds like he's interested. It'd only been four days since you heard from him (in my case it was ten) AND he responded to your friendly text. You shouldn't have been surprised for his jolly reply...that's what people do when they want to keep the lines of communication open. He reciprocated and continued the conversation. That's good news. And you talk to him daily or every other day. Further, he told you that he thinks you guys "click" so well. These are all really good signs! I don't understand why you think he's not into you. Get him girl!

[Oliviaa]

It's been hammered into my head that if a guy really likes you, he'll do the pursuing/he'll contact you etc but it was me who contacted him (perhaps if I hadn't of contacted him he would have got round to it, was only 4 days afterall).

 

We've texted a couple of times since then, all my messages don't include questions yet all of his replies end in questions keeping the conversation going. Which is a good sign I suppose, because if he really didn't wanna talk to me they would be close-ended/go ignored. No date has been mentioned yet though! Arg he seemed "lukewarm". Interested enough to keep our convo going yet not interested enough to ask me out on another date yet....

[banal]

Move on. He seems to be a roller coaster.

 

This is horrible advice. A rollercoaster????? Because OP hadn't heard from him in a few days???

 

Don't take this the wrong way, OP, please, but you're being ridiculous. Stop playing games.

 

HE contacted you last in a meaningful, non-texting way. When you texted him, he wrote back enthusiastically. He likes you. Why don't YOU show some interest and initiation? Why don't you ask him out?

 

What indication have you given that he'd think you're interested in him?

[Captain Obvious]

It's been hammered into my head that if a guy really likes you, he'll do the pursuing/he'll contact you etc but it was me who contacted him (perhaps if I hadn't of contacted him he would have got round to it, was only 4 days afterall).

 

Not at all, to be honest if I was the one doing all the chasing Id assume the other person wasnt interested in me. If you want another date why not ask him?

[Oliviaa]

We went 4 days without talking and it was me who broke the silence & texted him, so I thought that pretty much sent the message that "hey, i like you!" maybe it doesn't? I'm not a guy..... I don't know how they think.

 

And Banal, thank you for your direct reply - and no I haven't taken it the wrong way. It's just everywhere on these threads it says lack of contact = lack of interest. Yet most of that advice comes from females, and males seem to contradict this by saying they would get fed up of doing all the chasing, and would think the girl doesn't like them. Occasionally you get an evolutionary/caveman theory saying that guys love the chase & once they know they have you, they get bored & move on!

 

It just gets very confusing. 10 days ago he spoke to a mutual friend (the friend told me this) and apparently he claimed he doesn't know whether or not I like him. Since then however, I thought I'd made it obvious I liked him....hmmmm.... actually you may have just helped me work this one out. Just writing this reply & i've realised the last 2 times he has requested to see me/mentioned that we should meet up again, I haven't been very enthusiastic back. Was trying to come accross as "receptive" and not too available. THANK YOU GUYS!