Date {Fill in Number Here} and No Kiss: Myth

[caveman91]

I wanted to address the issue that seems to come up on this forum a lot....which is the whole "we've been on 2,3,4, or 5 dates and no kiss......does this mean he is not interested question."

 

I've in a relationship now that has had lots of dates and no kiss. But I've communicated my attraction to her and my reasons for wanting to wait on the kiss upfront. But even if I didn't I think there are a lot of other things a woman can read to determine if he's interested.

 

So my recommendation to you ladies is this: I wouldn't put a lot of stock in the whole.....it's been 2,3,4 or 5 dates and no kiss....so he's not interested thing. I would wager to say that a guy isn't going to take you on 5 dates, if he's not interested. Why would anyone do that?

 

I think there are a lot of other things to consider. I'll just throw a few things out there. When you talk does he listen?...really try to listen and understand your view? Is it obvious that he will try to go out with you when he can? When I'm really interested in a woman it's difficult for me to try and date more than one person. So if I am available to date/hang out multiple times a week....that's a strong sign that I'm interested.

 

Here's one that probably a lot guys don't do, but (hey guys I recommend that you do). I try to listen to random details of what a woman likes. So for example if she mentions that she likes Johnny Depp. I might show up on our next date with a Captain Jack Sparrow action figure or something. In a lot of ways, these types of gifts will mean more to a woman than expensive jewelry.....although I also believe jewelry certainly has it's place in the gift-giving process. But these random gifts....show her that you are into her and take an interest in really listening to her likes/dislikes. If a guy does this sort of thing, I don't care if its been 10 dates an no kiss.....he likes you.

 

Also to the guys, don't forgot to tell her she's beautiful. You're on a date with a beautiful woman, why wouldn't you say it? Come on guys, life's too short not to. And besides, it's a great way to close the date....let it be the last thing she hears from you until the next date. As the relationship progresses. Tell her early. Tell her often.

 

Just my 2 cents. There are lots of other things to read I'm sure that haven't mentioned. But this is a good start.

 

So Ladies, I wouldn't put a lot of stock in the ....X dates and no kiss thing.

[Deciduous]

I try to listen to random details of what a woman likes. So for example if she mentions that she likes Johnny Depp. I might show up on our next date with a Captain Jack Sparrow action figure or something.

 

Much rather have the passionate kiss. Forget the gift and telling me I'm beautiful. I wanna know if we have any heat between us. Leave the kiss too long and I'm likely to friend-zone u. I'm just no longer gonna looking at you in a sexual way.

 

Deci

[caveman91]

Interesting comment. The woman that I'm dating now....we both agree that we can feel the electricity from hugging alone. We both have our reasons for wanting to take things very slow. The electricity was there the moment I first saw her. And she feels the same way.

 

I respect your take, if you think a kiss is necessary to determine that. I humbly disagree.

[22n32]

U gotta kiss her on the first date.. be a man leader don't be affraid. Grab her right time and give her a passionete kiss.. cant ever go wrong with that. It builds the Passion and chemistry between u too..

[Princess123]

I don't kiss strangers and it takes me a while to kiss someone I'm dating. I wouldn't want to kiss every guy I go on a date with. I rather get to know him first and have that sort of friend stage. I rather a first kiss be meaningful and passionate. But maybe I'm nuts, lol. I just think right place, right time, in this moment. My theory is this. Remember when you were younger and holding hands was the 'oh my gosh!' of it all? That is how I am. I rather know someone, hold hands, be close, and save the kiss for a special perfect moment. I would allow a kiss on the cheek but on a 1-3 date, NO.

 

The beautiful thing. I usually realize this later on in the relationships that the guy I'm with doesn't really know what this word is. It does annoy me.

 

Action figure? Okay are you going a date with a 10 year old or an immature man with the mentality of a 10 year old? Regardless we are females don't give us action figures. How about a rose? Just know that some girls know the meaning of every color of a rose.

[sophie274]

I haven't kissed very many men at all, but waiting until after the 5th date would be too long for me. I'm not saying I would definitely end things, but I would wonder...

 

(I also don't really like to be complimented when I first start dating someone, especially with "big compliments" like "you're so beautiful, you're so amazing, etc" - for me it's too strong and makes me uncomfortable. I'd rather be told I look good that evening, or that something I did/said was cute, or have him laugh at my jokes and smile at me, that sort of thing. Gifts would also fall into the category of "too much" early on.)

 

Out of curiosity, caveman, what are the reasons for which you and the woman you're dating are "delaying" kissing?

[DN]

I believe that if you haven't initiated a kiss you should not complain if the other person hasn't.

[sophie274]

I believe that if you haven't initiated a kiss you should not complain if the other person hasn't.

 

I find that generally for a kiss to happen both people have to let themselves get (or get themselves) into a position where a kiss can happen. Scooching accross the couch so you're sitting close together, putting your arm around the other person, standing close together when you hug goodbye, that sort of thing. Most first kisses I've had have been "mutual" - i.e. we're both sitting or standing close together and have had some sort of physical contact, and we both lean in. In fact my first date with my ex, we both leaned in for a kiss and ended up hugging, and both felt that the other person had caused the hug, LOL (when we came out of the hug we kissed so it was only a 15 second delay).

 

I don't think anyone, male or female, should have to go for a kiss if there haven't been any signs that the person is open to some sort of physical affection. If the person shrinks back when you try to put your arm around you or sits at the far corner of the couch ... I wouldn't expect anyone to feel comfortable initiating a kiss in those conditions.

[jenny_mcs]

If a guy does this sort of thing, I don't care if its been 10 dates an no kiss.....he likes you.

 

 

So Ladies, I wouldn't put a lot of stock in the ....X dates and no kiss thing.

 

The thing you are missing in your post in whether or not a woman is going to be OK with going on 5, 10, 15, 20 dates and not kissing. Women are not just sitting around wondering if the guy likes them- they are evaluating whether they like guy. I definitely would not be OK with 5+ dates and no kissing. Physical affection like kissing, touching, and eventually sex are to me, and most women, a part of an adult, romantic relationship. If you're an adult and dating someone, and spending lots of time with them, and you like them, and are physically attracted to them, in my experience, you want to kiss them. All the time!

 

The relationship you are describing sounds platonic. Or like the relationship I had when I was 15.

 

If a guy I was dating had your attitude/acted like you did, I would assume something was wrong, either emotionally or physically.

[lalalollipops]

Exactly. If I've had 5+ dates with somebody (proper dates) and they haven't made a move, I'd think sth was wrong lol.

[caveman91]

Well, I'm not concerned. This lady and I are on the same page about taking things slow.

 

Too be honest, I don't give a damn about how most women would re-act. I care how this woman would re-act. It's working. We are taking things slow and it's not an issue. We both know the attraction is strong.

 

My main point was that there is more to attraction than the 1st kiss. If you disagree with that.....then well best of luck in finding that magical dynamic kiss that tells you everything you need to know about the future of your relationship.

[johnnyp]

Obviously I can't speak for anyone else, but for me I never feel any pressure to do the whole 'get the kiss over and done with as soon as possible or else she'll think I don't like her enough' thing. I can be quite shy at instigating the first kiss early on and I know that when it finally happens I'm a great kisser, so instead I just enjoy our time together and wait for the right time for the first kiss rather than setting myself any deadlines. I'll also spend all our time together ratcheting up the attraction, so that when the first kiss finally does happen, we'll both be really ready for it and it'll be amazing.

 

I can see how a woman might get bored and friend-zone a guy if he left it too long and was creating no sexual-tension either, but as long as you're creating huge attraction between the two of you with every date then things will play out in their own natural time. And if a woman wanted to stop dating me because I didn't kiss her fast enough, I'd gladly help her put her coat on and leave, as the last thing I want is any pressure to rush something that should come naturally and I also would question whether I really wanted to be with a woman that wanted to take things quickly...I find women that like to get to know a guy before becoming intimate with him far more appealing.

[Deciduous]

Hi caveman91

 

You know, something is off here , but I cannot put my finger on it. You seem keen to convince us that this is the normal progress of a romantic relationship. But I'll bet there is a warning light flickering at the back of your brain. Something is off. And you aren't actually trying to convince us. You are trying to convince YOU.

 

A physical and romantic relationship where you avoid anything physical and romantic. Does that really sound like an "issue free" scenario? Really??

 

This wasn't a mutual agreement. One person agreed it and the other acquiesced. One person has subtly steered this into a no kissing zone for their own reasons.

 

If you fancy the pants off some-one you don't hold off on the kiss. You can't. It's just too damn tempting. The problem is trying to stop yourself.

 

So what what would be your motivation?

 

a) One of you doesn't feel confident with kissing. Your scared you might blow it with your inexperienced technique.

 

b) One of you feels deeply uncomfortable with physical intimacy due to childhood issues. This isn't going to get better. It needs therapy.

 

c) One of you is asexual and looking for a cerebral relationship. Pity you haven't told the other.

 

d) One of you has a low sex drive. Kissing only leads to making love and the longer you can hold that issue off the better.

 

d) One of you is on the rebound and the thought of intimate kissing is way too much.

 

e) Despite being a physical person this is only a cerebral attraction for one of you, but you don't want to lose the brilliant friendship that is growing. So you are keeping quiet about the fact.

 

Either way, there is a story to tell. How many dates have you had? 5,6,7,8???? It is indicative of something. So whose schedule are we playing to here. Yours? Hers? T

 

he fact is, if you can not handle the physical intimacy of kissing on dates 2 - 5 , then you most certainly cannot handle the intimacy of making love at all. It isn't going to happen. It isn't all going to magically fall into place. This relationship will not be lighting up the bed sheets any-time soon. Or ever. There is some crucial component missing.

 

Maybe you are right. This may not indicate lack of attraction, but its indicative of something. Maybe you are unconsciously aware, or maybe you are not

 

Hugs are safe. I give my Great Aunt hugs. One person is looking for safety more than romance here. Which of you is it?

 

Deci

[jenny_mcs]

Hi caveman91

 

You know, something is off here , but I cannot put my finger on it. You seem keen to convince us that this is the normal progress of a romantic relationship. But I'll bet there is a warning light flickering at the back of your brain. Something is off. And you aren't actually trying to convince us. You are trying to convince YOU.

 

A physical and romantic relationship where you avoid anything physical and romantic. Does that really sound like an "issue free" scenario? Really??

 

This wasn't a mutual agreement. One person agreed it and the other acquiesced. One person has subtly steered this into a no kissing zone for their own reasons.

 

.....

 

One person is looking for safety more than romance here. Which of you is it?

 

Deci

 

Completely agree. This was my impression too.