He says he's sorry...

[Bolegged04]

I dated this guy from Dec 10-Feb 11. When we met everything was fine and we got along really well. We spent almost everyday together and talked on the regular. Well, a couple of months passed and I called him one day and his phone was disconnected. I thought I was hearing things, so I called to make sure, and indeed it was. Well, I knew where he stayed and I wanted to go there and see what was going on, but didnt want to look like a fool or desperate, so I didnt. Of course I was hurt, but moved on. He contacted me in May and I told him I had moved on and didnt care to know why he did what he did. Well, last week he contacted me again and this time he wanted to meet with me and have some kind of closure and I agreed. We met and talked for 3 hours and he told me what happened and why he did it. He then told me that he never stopped loving me and he want me back and would do anything to get me back. He said between Feb and now, he has met women, but none compared to me. I explained to him, that although the grass may have looked pretty, its not always better to cross over to examine. Well, now he has been texting me everyday telling me G/M, he misses me, and needs me in his life. He kind of left me confused and I have been thinking about it. The issue is I just cant see myself going back. It hurt me when he did what he did. He is a great guy, but I just cant fathom another heartbreak. He is the second ex in two weeks that tried to come back. Im confused big time...

[DN]

What were his reasons?

[Bolegged04]

I noticed in our relationship that he didnt deal with stress well. He would just shut off everyone, even me, and deal with it alone. Well, he was dealing with some job and family issues and instead of talking about it, he shut everyone off. He says he contemplating coming by my house a few times, but was scared. His family thought it was best for him to talk to me and see what I wanted to do. I appreciate him talking to me, but he left me hanging...

[DN]

Did he have some sort of nervous breakdown?

[BrokenNYC]

I can understand where he's coming from, as I have done this in the past when I dealt with work problems, a death in the family and general stresses all at once - I shut down and pushed a girl I loved out of my life. But saying sorry is just the beginning. I had to really work on dealing with stress and opening up to people so that they could help me, instead of shutting people out. It took time and seeing a therapist, plus changing a lot about myself - and change is never easy or quick. I understand he wants you back and is sorry, but what has he done to truly change himself so that this will never happen again? You have a right to be scared, and you should only even approach being in contact with him is if he shows you that he really has changed and has taken steps to never let something like this happen. If he just says he's sorry but has not taken any real actions to changing, you're just setting yourself up for more heartbreak.

[blackhawks1287]

You guys were dating...and he ups and disconnects his phone without telling you and doesn't contact you for months...oh he is a great guy alright...

 

then he magically comes back to you after dating around and claiming that no one compared to you, misses you, never stopped loving you...what bs

 

Write him off, you shouldn't be confused...you should be glad and see this as a positive that he knows what he is missing after leaving you out to dry.

[abitbroken]

I understand stress, but what puzzles me is if you were so important, why didn't he contact you - going to you in person after a few days whether he wanted to be with your or not? I can see NC if you guys broke up but not dropping off the earth. For him to just date others and let that much time go by is a bit odd. I agree with you, I would not take him back. Not that you would end up with this guy, but what does he do someday when he is a married and a child is sick? Disappear? It seems that if he is telling you how wonderful you are after reconnecting and really laying it on thick instead of keeping to very casual to determine your interest, he is extremely hot and cold. I almost wonder if there was more going on - he couldn't pay his cell bill and was embarrassed or was running from the law.

[DN]

When people have a stress related breakdown (assuming that he did) many people don't want to talk to anyone, family, partners, doctors, whoever. The thing is to not take it personally. At the time all they can think about is themselves.