she feels that I do not respect her and her opinions

[LongBeach]

Hi,

this is a very confusing situation. I love this woman I met online 2 years ago. Certain things have happened during that time. She messed up things between us, but these things are from the past, I do not care about them at all.

However I have recently sent her a few emails (she was on a trip at that time) where I told her I missed her and wished we could talk more often online. She felt I was accusing her of cheating on me, and that I did not trust her, and that I was putting too much pressure on her.

It has been 3 weeks now that she is angry, she says she is not, but I can sense she is. She also told me she feels that I do not respect her and her opinions and that I think I have a moral superiority over her because she messed up things in the past.

This is all untrue, I love her, I respect her and like her opinions. No matter what happened in the past.

 

I have sent her several emails where I explained things and told her that she is wrong about me, that she should not be angry with me.

We briefly talked last night (first time in a week) and I could sense she was still upset with me.

 

There has also been some misunderstanding involved and I find it really sad that she is so upset with me because of some misunderstanding and because she sort of believes that I am someone (a macho, someone that "talks down to her") that I am NOT.

 

What should I tell her when we talk to make her feel more confident about me ? Should I continue to email her or just wait and see until she calms down ? I would really need to find the good words to make her feel more confident about me and let her know that I listen to her, and trust her.

 

She is so convinced that I am not listening to her and that I do not trust her that I feel the only way to proove her that I am not like that is to go see her, without telling her, and explain her face to face that she has been wrong to think these things about me.

 

What should I do ? I would very much appreciate your advices and analysis of the situation.

Thanks very much.

[Celadon]

Hi LongBeach. I would suggest this: Stop trying to convince her of who you are and just BE who you are. You can't convince someone you're a good listener -- you have to SHOW them you're a good listener.

 

Words are meaningless. Actions speak volumes. For the next month, listen to her, ask her questions about her opinion, enjoy what she says, refrain from giving her advice unless she asks for it.

 

And by all means, if there is any truth to what she's saying, admit it to yourself and to her. From what you wrote, I get the feeling there is part of you that wants to control your relationship, and she is not happy about that. No offense, though, just an observation. Hope some of this helps.

[Amoretto]

i say forget this woman, you have already explain, but she did not believe you, there is nothing to do about it! and you enjoy this online relationship? so painful? you like that feeling? you like just chatting online , sending emails, communicate the cyberspace with the person you love? why not get off online, come to the offline, face-to-face, talk about your relationship, your feeling....?

[LongBeach]

well, thanks to both of you for your advices. I am trying to see her asap, i think this is the thing i should do. I am working on it, I am trying to make things happen actually, it is quite hard, she seems very angry with me, I would like to find the words that will extinguish that fire inside her, and make sure i can see her in a month or so. That is the earliest I can come unfortunately.

If you have any more advice or analysis of the situation, I would appreciate that you let me know about it.

Thanks very much