Help! I'm in Love with Mr. Wrong!

[katykitten]

Ok, I could really do with some good advice as I have a problem that is driving me mad.

I have been in love with this guy, who is a really close friend, for almost a year and a half. He doesnt feel the same way which i know because he has been going out with one of my closest girl mates for almost ten months. In itself this situation was heartbreaking as I had to cope with him turning to me for help in their relationship.

However it got far worse a month ago when we ended up drunkenly kissing at a mutual friends party. Only one other person knows and it is not his girlfriend.

oddly, nothing has changed between us and we are still really good friends.

Despite this Im going insane. I feel so guilty for cheating on my friend but Im also pretty devastated. whenwe kissed i kind of thought this meant he liked me. otherwise why would he jeopordise his relationship?

He may sound like a jerk but he's not. he's so sweet and he really loves my friend. he just made a mistake. One thats really hurting me.

[AzurePhoenix]

Ouch.

 

I think that, being drunk, proximity and opportunity got the better of his good judgement.

 

The funny thing about advice, is that it is easy to give and very difficult to execute on.

 

From my limited perspective, you are in a situation where the best path is not the easiest path. The best thing for you (and the hardest) is to in person tell him that you have to stop being his friend for a while. Tell him that you have developed feelings for him that you did not expect and that it is tearing you apart. Tell him that perhaps some day in the future you two can meet under different circumstances and maybe pick up your relationship in some way that will be positive for both of you. Further if you value your friendship with your gir-mate, you may want to be up front with her on why you can no-longer be a friend to her significant other.

 

Then walk away and rebuild your life by making other friends and exploring other options.

 

Staying in this situation will create opportunities for disaster for you, for him and for your friend. There are many scenarios that can play out based upon your "friendship" and most of them involve someone getting very badly hurt emotionally.

 

Dont keep yourself in a bad situation girl! You have the power to change it.

 

~AzurePhoenix

[Mermaid]

I agree with AzurePheonix. And I'd also like to add that, in the future, don't put stock in anything that happens when at least one of the parties involved is drunk. People do stupid things while under the influence (believe me, I know...

[Andy Scott]

I hear about so many opportunistic advances that people make on others when they're drunk. The judgment and clear thinking atmosphere they would normally have is blurred by an inhibitor to their better intentions. I really am sorry you had to be involved in something like that.

 

I agree with Azure on a lot of respects, and considering his age, his wisdom ultimately overrides anything that I would have to say. But, it's always nice to hear something from your peers. 8)

 

You are going to make a very hard decision when it comes to your position in this connected relationship. In one hand, you have the opportunity to save the friendships you have with your closest 'girl' friend, and him. In the other, you have the possibility of starting a relationship with him, and fulfilling all that you have wanted for these past 10 months. It is in both, that you find someone is going to be greatly hurt. I would never advise you which one to choose, I'm only here as support and a source of experience (seeing as I'm still not an adult, it's not that much). You have the chance to keep your friendships with these two people, but in the end of letting it go, I know it is going to deal you just so much pain and 'hurt' to forget him. You also have the chance to be with this guy, and since you say you're in love with him, I'm sure that seems like a big possibility too. But, you could end up hurting your girlfriend, him, and even yourself as well. I don't want to assume which hand you will hold since I don't know that much about you, so all I can say is that it's up to heart to decide. I know it's hard to make a choice like this, but please try your best not to take it too seriously. You have your whole life ahead of you, and whether you make a mistake or come out with something beautiful in the end, there are still many wonderful things that will happen as your life goes on. Just know that you are not alone, and on this forum especially, there will always be someone ready and willing to listen intently to the story of your life. I hope you follow your heart wherever it takes you. We will be behind you through it all. If you ever need someone to talk to about this or anything else at all, my profile will show you where to find me. O

 

Andy

[katykitten]

I know its a long time since I posted my problem but things have just got a lot weirder. The couple involved are still together but a few days ago he and I fooled around again. There wasnt kissing just some finger-sucking and over clothes touching, however this time we were both 100% sober. I feel terrible for my friend but the truth is they just arent working out anymore. They cant be honest with each other. My heart is breaking because hes all over me one minute then gooy-eyed over his girlfriend the next.

Its worse than that tho. My best friend and his best friend both think we'd make a better couple than him and her and that his feelings run more deeply for me than a simple friendship.

He just pretends nothings happening.

Im so confused.

[Iceman26]

If they couldnt be honest with each other, and he is cheating on his girlfriend with you, then how could you trust him either?

[katykitten]

I wish i could talk 2 her but I cant. My best friend thinks it would destroy her and Im kinda inclined 2 agree.

Im not 100% sure I could trust him but I am 99%. He and i talk about everything. (well, except this situation) he and she cant b honest wit each other. she will not have an argument and he cant talk 2 her about stuff he should be able 2.

I really wish this wasnt happenin, but it is.

I Love both my friends and I hate myself for letting this happen but I just dont know how to deal with it.