Time to break-up or wait for him??

[Nikki28]

Ok my boyfriend and me have been together for 3 ½ years. About 2 years into the relationship, I mentioned maybe moving in together and asked if he was ready and he said yes he would be eventually but not now. thereforeeee, I waited for a while and thought maybe that since he was not ready then I was not the one for him. Well I mentioned it again and he said he was not ready and I asked him why and he did not really know why. Well one day he mentioned to me that he had issues with the fact that im his first but he is not mine and that hurt him very much to think about. Well we talked about it and he eventually did not bring it up again. Well come to find out he was cheating on me so I broke up with him and I asked him why he did it and he said that it bothered him that I had sexual partners and he didn't. thereforeeee, we spent some time apart and he kept trying to prove that he could be trustworthy again and said that the reason why he was not ready to move in was that he was cheating and knew if we moved in together that he would feel too guilty about it. I told him we could eventually get back together and I would try to forgive him and trust him again but we had to figure out if we had a future together or not and if things were going to move forward. He said yes and we got back together and planned to move in together in 3 months. Well what do you know he changed his mind about it AGAIN for the 10th time! Our current situation is now he is not ready to move in with me because he was a virgin, I was not, and that hurts him. So what does that have to do with living with someone? I do not know! What do you people think? It sounds like he is making up excuses. I need to know if we have a future, together words are not enough. I need to know that the year's im spending with someone is going to result in something. Am I wrong for wanting that? He saying he wants to live with me and be with me forever is not enough. I have put up with too much crap in this relationship. If I cheated on someone I would defiantly do all I could not to screw things up! I believe when someone is "the one" for u as he says I am then your ready for a future with them right. What do you people think?

[hockeyboy]

what he did was wrong, very wrong and he shouldnt have done it. at the same time i can understand his feelings about how he didnt like how u had been with people and he had not. however, its not a good excuse. at the minimum he should have taken a break from you if thats what he wanted. i still think that what he did was selfish, he made himself feel better at your expense. but its still possible that he truly loves you and that you truly love him. if you want to work things out it would be difficult but often the best things in life do not come easy. its your choice. you may even want to go see a couselor together, it could help. nobody would blame you if you left him for what he did, but i wouldnt blame you if you forgave him for it either.

[if only]

My ex & I were together for 5 years, after a year into our relationship we talked about moving in and he agreed when he finished Uni we would. 2 years into the relationship we were both working and I decided to talk to him about saving money etc he decided it wasn't the right time for us to move in.

 

I asked him why not and after arguments and long discussions we agreed it was not the right time. His reason for not wanting to move in was ...when we moved in together it would be for good and he did not want to ruin that as he wanted to live with friends first. I accepted this and I thought it was quite sensible but it hurt me deep down.

 

Every time another year went by and might I add he was still living at home, he would ask me if I was waiting for him? I would reply no but deep down I was and it hurt that he didn't make the effort to move out. So we could eventually move in. He would become quite depressed and talk about breaking up as he didn't want me to wait for him and thought it was unfair that I was waiting I ensured him I wasn't and we went on.

 

Now the problem was in the mean time my friends were moving in with there friends BF etc I put my life on hold because I thought it would happen. Well this year we broke up, we never lived together he broke up with me because I was not the one. I now still live at home and in order to move out I will have to rent with people I dont know.

 

If there is one lesson I have learned from this is do what is best for you no matter how much you love and believe someone you must do what is right for you. If you meant so much to him, why did he cheat on you? and if his reasons are still the same then he should have no problem now.

 

I believe my ex didn't want to move in with me because I wasn't the one but he was too scared to let go. And was happy with our relationship the way it was.

[single30]

He obviously has some issues with needing to sowe his wild oats. Nothing you can do is going to change that. Not to mention that he just sounds immature. I honestly think that the best thing you can do is find someone fun to move in with...a roommate, enjoy being young... maybe he will come around, maybe he won't, but he cheated on you, and could again. and based on everything he is saying, is likely to again.

If you can do it, cut ties. It gets easier... and you can find someone who is on the same page as you, and who doesn't give lame explanations.

[d346]

I find it admirable that he waited and was still a virgin until he found the right girl. However, he must understand that in the meantime, most women he will find will have had experience. Do not let him think it's not right that you have... It's natural -and that is something that he'll have to come to grips with. you can't apologize, you can't change your history, and you certainly can't feel bad about it. you both just have to let it go. I don't even think it's worth arguing over, and you should tell him so.

 

In my opinion, perhaps he's just having guy commitment issues. someone or something out there is teaching these guys that it's not time to settle down until at least your thirties (and when that happens, your life is a sealed deal) So, perhaps he's weary that he found you too early in his life. Do I agree with this? no way. I think there's many adventures out there for married couples...and I'm not talking about picking out white picket fences and having kids. anyway, I digress.

[Mermaid]

Sounds like your guy has some immaturity issues and used his lack of experience as an excuse to both cheat on you, and avoid a serious committment (such as moving in together). He's playing you for a fool and if I were you, hard as it will be, I'd try and move on with my life. This guy needs to be a kid awhile longer and, clearly, you're ready to grow up and enter a new phase of your life.

 

Find someone more mature and ready to get serious. This is guy definitely isn't.

[Jennyve21]

It does sound like exuses. He is blaming all of the relationship problems on the fact that you are not his first. He sounds like he is very immature. And I would leave him and find someone new. No matter how much it hurts another guy would greatly appreciate your dedication and love, and personaly i think you deserve better. Tell him he can go date someone more virgin like if that would make him happy and leave him in the dust. Once he cheated on you, and hes apt to do it again. THERE ARE PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA. (yeah its cliche but true)

[Jennyve21]

sorry the fact that he isnt your first*