Annoyed!

[rich46]

I am annoyed with myself, even though it wasn't my fault! Basically, I have maintained NC for 11 Days but just now she rang me and I stupidly answered!

 

Quick recap:

-Met ex at uni

-Together 3.5 years

-Lived 100 miles apart for last year after uni finished.

-She became distant over recent months and eventually said she needed "to be single for a while" and "to not have anyone to answer to."

-She wanted us to remain "best friends" which I tried for 1 week but couldn't do it.

-Told her I'd call her when I had things sorted out in my mind.

-After 3 weeks of NC I called her and said I really really want to be friends but I can't do it. Told her to call me if she wanted to talk about us, or if she had any regrets.

-That was 11 days ago.

 

What I didn't say was call me if you get in a panic about something!! Well she is going to Dublin tomorrow with her new friend (who I hold partly responsible for the break up, as she is a 29 year old with marital problems - my ex doesn't want to reach the age of 29 and be the same). She called me just now to ask me what an E111 form is as I had dealt with all the documentation etc. when we've been on holiday in the past.

 

That has annoyed me!! I was calm and polite as is my nature. I told her to not panic, to have a good time and basically that was it. I made sure it was a short call and I would not engage in small talk. She should realise that I am not her boyfriend anymore and she should sort out these problems herself! She apologised for calling me etc.

 

Sorry I just feel cheated now and I have done the NC for long periods but now it is back to the beginning!!

 

Maybe it is a moral victory for me as it proves she struggles without me! However I am getting to the stage where I don't know if I want her back even in the unlikely event that she wanted to.

 

It is just annoying when they call like that for a pathetic reason.

 

Rich

[evepm]

Dear Rich:

 

I understand how you feel. You did do the polite thing by giving her the information that she needed. It was thoughtless of her to call you though. I'm sure she just figured that it would be no big deal.

 

No matter what, try not to answer when she calls. It obviously upsets you and you don't need that. If she continues to call, you are going to have to reiterate that you don't wish to have contact with her unless it's in regard to the relationship.

 

Take Care,

Eve

[rich46]

Dear Rich:

 

I understand how you feel. You did do the polite thing by giving her the information that she needed. It was thoughtless of her to call you though. I'm sure she just figured that it would be no big deal.

 

No matter what, try not to answer when she calls. It obviously upsets you and you don't need that. If she continues to call, you are going to have to reiterate that you don't wish to have contact with her unless it's in regard to the relationship.

 

Take Care,

Eve

Thanks Eve! I'll let her off this time but if she rings again then I will tell her...again! It hasn't upset me though, I was just annoyed for a few minutes afterwards. When she has stopped panicking then she may feel a bit silly - I mean contacting your ex for that reason?! Call anyone other than your ex! Anyway I think I handled it with dignity and wouldn't be drawn into any small talk.

[CC]

well here's something a little funny and annoying make you laugh or say yuck. very similar story. he said his feelings have changed after 7 years so we broke up. i tried NC but i was really bad at it so i decided to go overseas and visit my parents. after 2 weeks of being away, he sends me a text message asking what to do if he gets a pimple!?!?!?!?!?!?! how sad!

[evepm]

I agree that you absolutely handle the situation with complete dignity.

 

You're right. I would never call an ex about anything so simple. Maybe she will feel silly in retrospect.

[rich46]

well here's something a little funny and annoying make you laugh or say yuck. very similar story. he said his feelings have changed after 7 years so we broke up. i tried NC but i was really bad at it so i decided to go overseas and visit my parents. after 2 weeks of being away, he sends me a text message asking what to do if he gets a pimple!?!?!?!?!?!?! how sad!

That is pathetic!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did you reply?

[CC]

hahhaha....i spoke to him when i got back and i told him to stop asking me to buy him stuff (since i was overseas and stuff there was cheap), asking me how to cook this and that...PLUS...his stupid pimple....hahaa..

 

its good that i can laugh about it now....but the last time i saw him i really got upset and told him "don't you have a mum to ask all those questions? remember you didn't want this relationship so don't expect me to do what i used to do for you...stop giving me the wrong idea..."

 

well...i haven't heard from him since...i do miss him but i'm better off not hearing from him coz i still get a little emotional...

[rich46]

Wow that really is pathetic! Isn't it strange how the dumpers sometimes struggle to cope with the simplest of things, while us dumpees have no choice but to become stronger and more independent? In the last 6 weeks I have become a lot stronger as I have had no other option. I doubt that my ex has gone through the same pain as me, and I think I'm a stronger person because of it. So maybe there is truth to the old saying that you should be dumped at least once in your life...

[CC]

it is sorta good to know that they are "slighty" strugling though hey? kinda lets you know that your ex still depends on you even though they dont think they are.

 

just compare how you were 6 weeks ago to now..i am sure you will see a lot of improvement!

[rich46]

it is sorta good to know that they are "slighty" strugling though hey? kinda lets you know that your ex still depends on you even though they dont think they are.

 

just compare how you were 6 weeks ago to now..i am sure you will see a lot of improvement!

Oh there's no question that I've become stronger in the 6 weeks! I was a blubbering fool back then, but not now!

 

I'd be lying if I didn't feel a little satisfaction in knowing that she still needs to depend on me in some way. BUT I don't want this getting out of hand because I don't want to move backwards. She was really panicking about this so I had to help her out, but if she ever calls me about squeezing a pimple or something like that then I will NOT be as understanding!

[CC]

yes..do not do anything to move backwards! i know i have....quite a few times by calling, trying to ask him out and yes.....even sleeping with him...

 

really really have to move on but its not easy...but it is getting easier...

 

hope things go well for you!

[overThinker]

I was just about to contact my ex but thought I would consult this site for the first time in a while...

 

It has been about a month since my last contact... we did find eachother on messenger once but I said I had to go pretty much straight away...

 

So, thanks to you, I´m abstaining from contact still. Its been 7 months but I still wake up with that sick feeling in my stomach... I still think she is the one... and I still think I will get back with her... at least I want to

 

But I am learning to be patient and the last time we spoke we fought and I´m not sure if she is still angry with me, exasperated or she just doesn´t even think about me (the worst scenario).

 

I want to see how she is, friends have said to just call her then but they don´t have your experience. She has just moved to Denmark (I´m in Spain) and is doing a course there for 2 years.... If she gave the word, I would move to Denmark like that!!

 

Anyway, for now, I´m not going to send her anything... I did include her in a groupy about what I´m doing and my new Spanish mobile number etc though... was that ok at least?? ... thinking about it... she now knows what I´m doing so won´t bother to contact me to tell me what she is doing