Advise needed on how to approach this delicate situation!!

[PJM]

I have been in reationship with my Boyfriend for 4 yrs now. We are living together and planning to get married. Lately I have noticed that although he talks about having children all the time, he us hardly taking any time to spend together intimately. Its been 3 months now that we havent slept together. Whenever I approach this he says its finanial burden & and psycolgical and dosnt not feel like it. He is just 41 yrs old and talks as if he has lost complete interest... This is creating a lot of stress in the relationship,when I try to confront him, he blames it on be that I am not able to help him financially that is is the reason he is stressed out. I am in and out of a job now and struggling to establish a career. This is creating a lot of frustuation in me in addition to the job search stress I am going through..... I have suggested counselling, but he is unwilling for that...he wants to talk but I am afraid he will put the blame on me and job situation again and put focus on me rather than himself. Do I have any hope in this relationship?? Any advice or suggestions will be helpful. Thanks

[hexaemeron]

Well, from personal experience, this does absolutely cause resentment and lack of sexual desire for the other person. It may or may not be your fault, but if he's carrying the sole burden, you're a dependent. A responsibility. Not an equal. How long have you been out of work?

[PJM]

I have been out of work for sometime now..... you are right, may be he feels I am an dependant not an equal...any other suggestions except for getting a job coz I am working on it day & night and hopefully will find something soon.....Thanks that was helpful.

[hexaemeron]

I have been out of work for sometime now..... you are right, may be he feels I am an dependant not an equal...any other suggestions except for getting a job coz I am working on it day & night and hopefully will find something soon.....Thanks that was helpful.

 

Well, are you volunteering? Networking? Staying active? Going to the gym? It really helps to show that you're still living a full life even if you're trying to get another job.

[SpottiOtti]

Yes, volunteering is a great way to make connections and possibly get your foot in the door somewhere.

 

Staying active would definitely show him that you are trying to create a life, trying to do something productive even if it's not working. If you're sitting around the house all day watching TV, I can see where that would create some resentment on his part. (Not saying you are, and acknowledging that we don't have that information about you, and also acknowledging that you are trying to find a job.)