Dumpees - has any of your dumpers come back to you?

[herewegoagain]

I'm just wondering if any of you dumpees had your dumper wanting to get back with you, even if they already tried do date someone else, which didn't work out. Were you ever able to trust them again? Did you feel like you were just a safety net, etc?

[Sadboy75]

No but I certianly hope so! It is amazing what you can learn after you break up about yourself etc... there are quite a few things that I have discovered that would make a r'ship with my ex better..

 

The problem is... will that possibility ever arise!?

 

I have decided to move on, keep myself busy, avoid contact unnecessarily, make yourself look great, spend time with friends and meet new ones, be true to yourself, and say to yourself... 'I deserve better.' If, in the meantime, they come back and want to be friends then take it form there. I believe a fresh start would be required - that is, be friends and see if that old spark can be re-kindled... they fall for you once, they go off and clear their heads, they can possibly fall again!

 

Sorry but this didnt answer your question but at least it registeres a response - may get others to do likewise but with a proper response.

 

Cheers

[RayKay]

It happens - it has happened to a few people around here (though you don't seem them as much afterwards as a result!) and I know a few friends whom it has happened to.

 

I have another story to add to my own personal friends who reconciled. I ran into a friend of my ex's on Friday at the club, he was there with a girl whom he had gone out with for about 2 years or so, and broke up with last fall as he felt she was not the one, he did not want to marry her, be with her forever blah blah. Turns out they got back together before Christmas (my ex did not know, so this is why it was news to me as well!) and things are going really well.

[tiffany82]

No - He did come back for a while, but he's gona again. Not a lot get back together and stay together, once the damage is done things are never thew same.

[RayKay]

No - He did come back for a while, but he's gona again. Not a lot get back together and stay together, once the damage is done things are never thew same.

 

That depends highly on the reasons for the break up and the growth you both went through during the break. I know a few couples who came back together and are stronger and better (married and very happy) after the break than they were before. So again, really depends on the issues. Sometimes the distance, space - dating other people - shows us how great what we had was.

[CarterJonas]

mmm. My recent ex and I had been together for over six years. She had broken up with me about half way through the relationship for three months, but begged to come back. Well I took her back and we were happy for another three years until she broke up with me again. I have now moved on so much in six months that she will never get that chance again, too much damage has been done.

 

I only know of one couple who had broken up and got back together and are still happy. It did not work for the others I know, me included. But good luck with whatever you decide. Remember that everybody is different.

[trishcollins]

I know in my own experience when I broke up with someone and we got together a week later, it only last another two months. In that case, we broke up because he felt "something was missing, but didn't know what". He came back a week later because he missed me, but he never did actually love me. It was never the same afterwards and although we never spoke about it, I knew it wasn't going to last, and sure enough, it didn't. That was my breakup 7 years ago.

 

My current breakup two months ago is "situational" and I know he loves me, but circumstances make it impossible for us to be together right now (see "what are the chances"), however, I when we do get back together (once he sorts through his issues), we will be stronger and better than ever.

 

So, I guess it really depends why you break up though, as someone else mentioned.

[rnorth]

Yes, she came back. But she is moving away to another state almost 2,000 miles away, so I am facing a possible (if I'm lucky) long distance relationship.

 

So it happens. I think in my case, she came back because I expressed an appreciation of her situation outside of "us". In other words, I offer her support for her hard decisions and understand her on her level.

 

Communication is key. I agree that NC can help, but the degree and length of time vary. Having faith also helps.

[Satch]

Sorry, but I do not have any stories to help the topic of this thread, but I'll be sure to let you ALL know when it does happen to me!

 

It is amazing what you can learn after you break up about yourself etc... there are quite a few things that I have discovered that would make a r'ship with my ex better..

I'm with you buddy. I have learned so much about myself since my break up. e.g. I couldn't even entertain the thought of having children until my ex left me, and I really thought about it seriously. I DO want to have children one day now. I've realised the reasons why I didn't, and am working to overcome them.

But I doubt that many have done the soul searching that I have (and you have by the sounds of it). A lot of people just give up because it is too hard, or are so needy that they want the relationship back to where it was when it ended. This is asking for trouble, and heartbreak all over again.

 

The problem is... will that possibility ever arise!?

Keep the faith, and positive thinking, and you never know just what might happen.

 

I have decided to move on, keep myself busy, avoid contact unnecessarily, make yourself look great, spend time with friends and meet new ones, be true to yourself, and say to yourself... 'I deserve better.' If, in the meantime, they come back and want to be friends then take it form there. I believe a fresh start would be required - that is, be friends and see if that old spark can be re-kindled... they fall for you once, they go off and clear their heads, they can possibly fall again!

Absolutely perfect logic. I hope a lot of people read this paragraph and take it in.

[wickedbusa]

My ex made contact with me after about a month and half of no contact. I moved on with my life, got back on my own two feet, began to date again, and have been doing things to better myself. Last week, she was trying so hard to get in contact with me. I didn't reply so quickly because I was just shocked to hear from her again. Last night, her and I had a long chat online and she revealed to me that she still loved me. She told me that she still thought about me and had been wondering about what I have been doing for the past few weeks. She told me that I sounded very confident and strong, while she still felt the same as the day her and I broke up. It's kind of strange, I got back on my own two feet, but she is still trying to figure out what is best for her. Life just gets really weird sometimes and things that you never expect always happen.

[Sadboy75]

Wickedbusa/Satch

 

It is very strange the way things pan out sometimes. Stach - that is great that she got back in touch. Who borke it off? Me and my ex had troubles immediately after the break up but I have left her alone now... she has oh so many issues and is messed up in mass confusion about a whole range of things! All I can do is leave her alone... as far as I can see there is no chance of reconciliation but all the wonderful things/times we shared will surely come back in time... I hope!

 

Sit tight and see what happens!

[Satch]

Who borke it off?

Alas, she broke it off...

[Sadboy75]

Satch -

 

Well thats pretty interesting! Ours was amicable, however, she needed time and space and all that Jazz so I simply gave it to her... tried before but she came back on three occasions the same day! This time though she goes and doesnt look back never to want to have anything to do with me again! Dont know how that can be!? Very strange!

 

Nonetheless, just gotta move on! If she decides to come back at any point then it will certianly require a massive chat! o be honest though I do not see that happening though.. hence, I am moving on doing my own thing and feel so much stronger and better for having gone through what I have!

 

I sent my ex some photos the other day (photos she wanted), and she could not even send a text saying 'thanks.' That baffles me... then again, we are doing NC! Still a bit rude though...

 

So I will simply continue on as I have been...

 

If u dont mind me asking - what were your reasons for breaking up?

[Outlaw2747]

Out of the three girls I have gone out with, there is only ONE I would go out back with, and that is because our break up had no deceitful motive behind it. As for the other three, they have NO CHANCE. In fact, should they come back, I will tell them the flat out truth, I DON'T NEED YOU. Why? Because I don't. "It was YOU that hurt me, it was YOU that decieved me, it was YOU that destroyed me. And now that I am back and badder than ever, I now know that what we had does not matter anymore, since it didn't matter to you why would it matter to me? Go and find another heart to destroy because I am not taking it anymore! I am the rock you will break yourself upon and that is the bottom line!" Well, I would not say those exact words but you get the point....LOL! And for any of you who have seen my posts, you will all know, I am not lying about that.....nice guys cannot be doormats anymore. Be nice but put the foot down when it is needed.

 

So for my ex's out there, I let them do their thing. What they do is no longer of my concern. Time to ride out towards the sunset cowboy...YEEEE-HAWWWW!

[Shinobie]

There r variations of this nice guy doormats also though call myself the invisible doormat such as im the type of nice guy that helps girls at work with like busing,ill help them at school,and help them with things like that.But im invisible they dont notice me they think im nice but they dont like me.I mean ill try to help everybody but when it comes to girls they will not like me and just stop talking to me im like invisible.Im the one that is not used but i am the one that never gets a girlfriend im just overlooked.Us type of nice guys r usually the type that r invisible by the fact that we r ugly which is totally unfair but o well thats life.

[Sadboy75]

Everybody - just thought of a situation where this happened! Cant believe I had not though of it before!

 

A very good friend of mine was dumped bu his girlfriend 4 years ago as she wasnt sure what she wanted. The whole 'is the grass greener' cliche! Anyway they borke up and he hounded her non stop so much so she turned to him and said we have no hope for the future together. That absolutely crushed him! This was approx 6 months after the break-up. He immediately started NC and went on holidays for 5 weeks and called her upon his return. She simply broke down and confessed her love for him saying she was sorry but she now knows what she wants - him!

 

They are now married! Basically, never give up hope, implement NC, and do not take everything they say to heart! Things can be said on the spur of the moment sometimes which may hurt you, may be true at the time, but can all come out of anger and also as a means of pushing you away! By pushing you away they can then clear their minds and think about what they want without you around... it certianyl worked for my friend!

 

Dont give up - but dont live in false hope either! Move on as if you are never going to get that chance and you may well get a surprise as my friend did!

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

This has and will be discussed on here many times. On one hand you don't see all that many success stories on here do you? But if you poll relationships you'll see that many people do go back to an ex.

 

I for example can think of:

-One couple broke up 4 times and is getting married

-One couple broke up 3-4 times and stayed apart

-Two couples broke up to think things through.

 

There are many people out there. For example, my ex went back to her who she knew for 3 years. She's went back to him once before we met too. Even googling for these highly specific phrases:

 

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reveals it does happen. But think about it. People establish a fairly deep emotional connection with someone when they date. You share a very unique experience. This conection--or maybe we should call it an addiction--is very hard to break. This will compel people to go back into bad relationships when they shouldn't be there. And this emotional baggage is enough to ruin future relationships. All things equal, wouldn't you go back to someone you were emotionally attached to rather than a stranger?

 

So why don't we see more success stories on here. (Search the forums fo r "sucess" and you'll see a few threads that will give you hope.) Basically you go through a fighting stage and a giving up stage. Many people stop coming to this forum. They will move on. But sometimes that's when the ex starts calling. And many don't come on to post that they got back with their ex. This forum will only show you the people who arn't getting back with their ex. It's the biggest topic on this forum. But you wouldn't expect to have a "regular" who is someone who got back with their ex. So we have to see the couples who are appart, but we don't have to see the ones that are together.

 

But the chance is still pretty low. It depends on the circumstances of course, but we have tried to estimate an actual percentage on here. Search for "percentage" on the forum.

[OceanEyes]

My boyfriend tried breaking up with me once when we were going through a rough period, fighting all the time, basically ignoring each other when we weren't arguing, etc.

 

I was so shocked and thrown back when he brought it up that I didn't even know what to say, even though I was literally heartbroken. So at the time, I said, "Ok, I agree. You're an incredible guy and although I don't like saying it, I think any girl you choose to be with in the future will be very lucky. I love you and will always wish good things for you.".

 

I don't think he meant it to go that way, because he seemed so surprised at my response that he said, "why would you say something like that?". I told him that I just wanted to make it easier for both of us to let go eventually. Later on that night he told me how sorry he was and that he would do anything to work things out.

 

It is silly to assume that if you follow rules after being dumped that the person might come back to you. With couples that truly are in love but confused, this is always a possibility - but for how long? Sometimes people just outgrow relationships or fall out of love, and there are no rules that can bring them back. Each situation is totally different, and although you shouldn't give up hope, you also shouldn't wallow and put your life on hold for something that might never come back to you.